After Host
by Starry's Light
Summary: Starts up in a world where all the charm-bearers from Kisaragi survive, and Mayu ends up living with Ayumi's family after her parents move. This mishmash of themes and ideas takes place literally anywhere in the HH universe, from Back When Everyone Was In HH And Dead to the future where even Byakuden students and actual Shougo Taguchi are living their best lives. I take requests!
1. Homecoming

**I'M TAKING REQUESTS!**

 **Hello! This is a oneshot series I've been planning for... some while I guess? Also! I know it says "complete" for this story but that's just because I have no idea how much I'll be updating or if I'll ever stop, but most chapters are already standalone so it... works out? It's just easier for me to organize in my head haha**

 **So basically what's going on here is all the main cp characters finally escaped from Heavenly Host (but it took an unreasonably long time because I have this headcanon that when they don't all make it out of HH (the kisaragi nine that is) they end up eventually getting forced back into that timeline again, like a "loop" unbroken until either all of them or none of them die... it's complicated xD I've written a lot about it if you're curious to see more? But anyways EVERYONE'S OUT NOW and just because I might also feel like writing them, the Byakuden kids/Naho and co/pretty much everyone else also have the potential of showing up. Yeah even misuto pff that nerd**

 **I take requests!**

 **If there's a chapter you want devoted to practically anything in the cp universe, it can be written! A backstory about some really awful thing that happened in Heavenly Host (heck, if you hate, say, Satoshi, a lot, you could ask me to write a chapter about one of the ways he died when he was back in HH—and even give me suggestions for how it happens xD) I can write shippy chapters for characters you like together, if you can help explain to me why you ship them I can do something for that... so yeah pretty much anything except maybe not rated m stuff because... I dunno, I've never written it before xD but maybe I'll change that rule, who knows?**

After Host

1: (Prologue) Homecoming

 _Mayu_

I didn't mean to be a bother, Mom. I'm sorry that I was. But I was so scared. And I know I tried to tell you this, what sort of sensation could force fear to another level entirely, what might cause your daughter to violently alter seemingly in front of your own eyes, what possibly changes the world we live in so abruptly, yet invisibly, that all of a sudden, unease sets in like a foul odor, staining the walls, the carpet...

You didn't understand. But I don't blame you. It's not your fault that you don't understand. People... shouldn't go where we went. People don't belong there. I can hardly believe what happened to us; how could someone who's never even heard of it even dream of comprehension? It even _sounds_ like a nasty sort of dream, nothing tangible.

You tried, though. Thank you, Mom, for trying. I really appreciate the effort you put into it.

Some things I'm afraid I just couldn't tell you, no matter how much I wished for you to understand. Like that I've died. Oh, God... I've died so many times. How would that make you feel, if I told you that? If I took your hand and depicted, vividly, eyes wide and hollow and breath cold on your skin, if I read to you the sorts of memories locked up in my skull? If I accurately painted the sensation of watching your insides expunge to the outside of you, if I could describe the anatomy of some organs you may not know even existed?

Then—Then I would be c- _crazy_ , right? Who's seen themselves die hundreds upon hundreds of times in such a visceral agony that it all starts to blend together, when the crescendo of death becomes practically boring for you, it's happened so often? Who reaches a point where every time their spirit sifts out of their corpse and stares out upon shaking, bluish hands they only sense a faint twinge of disappointment?

Ha-Hahaha... _Nobody_ , that's who.

Nobody but me. And _them_.

But you wouldn't believe me if I told you there were more of us. If I told you that all of my dear friends from my old school departed with me on this gruesome, never-ending epic, we-well, maybe if they were around to defend that point things would be different. And that's why I couldn't stay. Not with you. Not... so far away.

Mom, do you remember when Dad told me I needed to go outside more? That I looked pale, that I needed to get off my phone? I remember you tried to defend me, voicing that of _course_ I looked pale, I missed all my friends from school, of _course_ I needed time to adjust.

I never told you that I hated your fighting. I-I probably never will.

You'd think that such an ordeal would strengthen me enough to face my every-day fears, the ones whose risks are exponentially lower than that of a nightmarish purgatory where death is always imminent yet supposed to be fought.

Ha-Haha...

Sometimes I called Shige-nii. When you fought. Before Dad decided that I _needed_ to get off my phone and you eventually gave in, that I could last a little while on my own, that I could make new friends at Byakuden, right?

Shige-nii's the boy from theatre. The one you really liked. I-I really like him too... I wonder how he's been these past few weeks. Not hearing from him hurt somewhere deep inside of me, a dull aching that wouldn't go away, like an old... wound.

He hasn't responded to any of my last texts... Nnn...

But—But Yoshiki told me he should be okay... that he's trying to do his best to watch over him, ha-haha... not that Shige-nii thinks he needs anyone else... He's the independent type... I always liked that about him.

It took a long time for Dad to give in himself, huh. I guess a little over a month doesn't sound very long, in one sense, but in another it was awful. That... broken connection, that missing piece left out of me—Oh, I couldn't believe it when we _all_ finally _made_ it and I get home and there they are, the boxes, s-sooo many boxes.

Of course I was still moving, I guess... Why wouldn't I be? It's not like _S-Sachiko_ could change that.

I kind of wish she did. It's... stupid, I know. And it doesn't matter anymore. But some useless part of me still kind of wishes she did.

Do you remember that, Mom? Dad thought my panic attacks weren't very big, or scary, or anything, that I was just making a fuss because _now_ I didn't want to move when for so _long_ I hadn't said a word about the exchange. Y-Yeah, I guess I could've tried to convince him otherwise, that I didn't _want_ to move, that I never _had_ , but... but—but then you'd yell again...

I'm sorry...

It must have been a burden on you, persuading him that I needed to go back. That the Shinozakis already agreed that they didn't mind if I stayed with them for some time instead of growing roots at my new school. That Ayumi missed me too... heh... But I think Ayumi got her sister to help, that her family hasn't _really_ agreed on it, but once I'm there it'll... Pff, this doesn't sound like a very good idea, now that I think about it...

Shige-nii... you always knew how to make a sound plan. People didn't... really know you, so they didn't always listen to you, but... but I did. I want to think I always did. Heh, I'm sorry if my memory's faulty... I really care about you. I wish I could have had your input on the situation but you never... responded. P-Please don't scare me like this. Shige-nii.

Maybe you're nervous too. I... still remember what you said to me, when you saved me. The ghost girls were going to drag me and slam me and then I'd b-b-be all over the wall again and then you—and then _you—_ Oh, Shige-nii... I-I was killed later on, wasn't I. I can't remember by what. That final run through Heavenly Host was so... surreal. Seeing everyone there. I could hardly believe it.

When I look up from my seat the world spins and I wince, staring back out the window.

I shouldn't think about these things so much. Heh, that's probably why my panic attacks started in the first place. But I can't help it...

Nnnnngh... that really big one's what saved me in the end. I collapsed... at school... and it was really bad. They couldn't get me to wake up, I heard, but maybe I hit my head when I fell or something. P-Probably. I ached all over when I went conscious. The kids in my class didn't seem all that bad, but... but I'm afraid I missed out on getting to know them very well. Yamamoto-san wished me off when I told my class, n-not a month after coming, that I was leaving already. Back home. And—And Kurosaki-kun too, he was really nice about it.

They kind of looked like they felt pity for me. Heh. Like I was an abandoned puppy.

Well that's okay. H-Heheh. I kind of felt like one.

…

 _Kshhhhhhhhhh..._

Oh—the train... I try to stand as the engine halts when a wave of vertigo swamps over me. I literally smack into the chair in front of me. My feet stumble over each other. And then I buckle and before I know it I'm falling, hitting the hard ground below and I can't hardly see, the world's such a... blur.

No, no... No, that's not true; I look up and there— _she—is—_ such ungodly long, dark hair, like that of a shadow's, her thin lips pursed into a grin, this child with her tiny fingers tickling her mouth as she tries not to laugh so hard at me, at my idioc—

What... dark eyes you have. W-Wow. Wh _a_ t _dark_ e _ye_ s y _ou hav_ e. A-Ahh—no—no no no—

I force myself back and the hallway unfolds in front of me, rickety floorboards and the stench of blood hot in the air. In the very edge of my skull I feel sounds etched against there—something—somewhere—I think I'm going deaf it's so hard to hear them and yet I _feel_ it the voices must be so _loud._ A hand comes up sticky and I feel my face squeeze, struggling not to unload any more tears, and yet knowing... and yet knowing. I wipe the blood on my shirt vainly and tug myself to my feet.

Some part of me says it's because if I'm fast enough I'll outrun them. That's not true. Anyone with eyes can see what a sorry state I've gotten myself into. My leg almost completely snapped, profusely gushing—red— _red—_ where my hand's findings came from. The other should support me if I'm careful but how can you be careful when the reason you nearly lost your first leg is because of a... a _bear_ trap?

 _Shige-nii_ , I want to scream, but don't I always... Ohhh, p-plus, I should... I should conserve my strength. That's what he'd say. That I need to conserve my strength, I-I'm already bleeding out as it is.

Whe _re i_ s _eve_ ryo _ne_? Why did they l _ea_ ve m _e all al_ one?

Filthy light filters in from the crooked ceiling. Patches of color sprawl out in front of me as I wander closer, closer, that buzz in my head electrifying. My dry lips attempt at syllables, but I lack the voice to word them. I don't know what I'd say, even if I had the ability. It's not like there's anyone to... to...

And then there she is again. Ferocious gaze and scrawny form, tiny pale fingers attaching to my forearm. The nails immediately burrow into my skin. I watch vacantly as blood beads. From somewhere behind her, where her other hand hides, the hard _sssNITCH_ of snipping.

 _sNITCH. sNITCH. sNITCH. ssssSSNITCH._

 _Oh_ , I feel myself mumbling, too dehydrated, too numb to speak it, _ohh..._

But I'm draining out and lightheaded and it's too late for me, it's too late once again, here it is, here's my—my time. I see it in her eyes, her violently-shining eyes of perfectly rounded blades. Her mouth froths, slightly, in a corner, like an afterthought.

The tiny, sickly thing unmasks her scissors and launches her fisted fingers, tight around the handle, into my skull.

"MAYU! MAAAYUU!"

"Wa—Aahhh!"

Color explodes into my sight again. I'm reluctant to lift the trembling fingers from tightly clasped over my gaze. Oh—Ohh, I can't speak, my—my heart's thumping in my chest and—and I can... hardly breathe, I—I'm breathing too fast, too fast, ohh, my chest throbs...

I'm slow to lift my head, to move my hands back and glance up at her. "A-Ayumi..." For a moment I sit in dumbfounded, embarrassing silence.

Blush heats on my cheeks. I sputter. "Ayum—A-Ayumi, I..." I try to fixate my gaze on her... but I'm so... I'm so... I... oh, I but scrape her quiet blue eyes. "I'm sorry, I... Oh, no, I think I..." Mayu, Mayu... c-calm down... you can't get a sentence out in _this_ state, h-huh? H-Heh... "I must have... had another one of them. I-I'm sorry."

Concern laced with deep-rooted sympathy glows in her face. "No, no... Mayu..." She reaches out a hand toward me. I realize I'm still sitting sloppily on the... on the floor of the subway. O-Ohh... Oh, no... H-How long was I...

As I lean into her, my eyes puncture the world around us.

It appears the passengers have mostly dispersed, though I think I catch a few still milling about, eying my general direction when they assume I'm not looking. Ha-Haha, what a scare on them when I am.

Ayumi pushes herself in front of me. "Don't pay attention to them." Her lips press together, a sort of determined color dying her face. "They don't understand. They don't—They don't matter." Steely blue gaze. Deep breath. "Can you... get up?"

"Ye-Yes..." I stumble on all fours. "Yes, I... I think so." Carefully pulling my feet under me—and—and—ahhh—stumbling against Ayumi, who quickly catches me. "A-Almost! Hahaha... Almost."

She watches my demure smile, tilting toward the aisle. We slowly wend our way through our thoughts and the train and I voice my thanks to the driver before Ayumi assists me down a small number of stairs. And then it's concrete, and then it's up another flight... and then it's outside.

"Wow," I murmur. Ayumi glances toward me again. "I recognize where we are, he-heheh." She snorts, nudging my shoulder, a little _oh, do you_ sitting in her eyes.

As I recover, she leans a little less and less toward me until I only brush her side every few strides. The sun is blaringly bright, heavy on the concrete sidewalk, a weird, hot comfort on my back. Small shops and apartments pass us by and I think I remember browsing at this spot or buying a gift from somewhere else... yet at the same time there's like a veil, hazy, over what I swear I once knew so well.

How long have we been gone truly, huh? Not hours passed in this world, but... it had to be more than that. Nobody else knew it happened, but... it had to be real. Pff... I can map out the landscape of that _school_ without ever seeing it again, yet I don't even know the directions to my old house anymore. O-Or my new one for that matter, ha-haha.

"It... was like I lost my mind, when I moved." I'm quiet at first. "Nobody knew a thing about... about _there_. And you were all _here_ , so it was... it was just me." I wrestle with a smile on my face. "It was scary. But it... it all happened though, didn't it? We... _died_." Deep breaths, Mayu... Oh... "It's hard not to think about... Ayumi, do you still?"

She left her hair down today. Small, tousled strands of blue shift with her figure. Her sweater is fuzzy, more akin to white than any other color, but I catch hints of other things in places... though it may just be lint, heh. "Yeah." As her head tilts, shadows gouge under her eyes. "Can you... sleep? I-I _swear_ I feel like, when it's dark out, that it might just happen _again_ or..." She trails off, eyes glassy. Her voice is rough. Mine is practically a ghost. Haha... both of ours are.

"Sometimes. Heh, I'm more tired than... anything else.

My fingers tighten around Ayumi's. "But we did it, yeah? No... more." No more. It's a little easier to smile. "How is Shige—"

" _God_ , I _knew_ you would ask that. Shi-ge- _niiiiiii_..." She rolls her eyes. A teasing grin bounces onto her face, quick and happy to be there. "I think he's a little nervous to see you, after... everything."

"He hasn't responded to things I've sent him," I mumble, mostly pouting.

Ayumi nods slowly. She has nothing to say to that, but I think there's a sliver of recognition in her gaze. "Well, you're back now. Heh... You can go pester him in person."

"Pff... No, I don't want to _pester_ Shige-nii..."

She snorts. "Well _I_ pester Yoshiki all the time." A bit of a smug look on her face. Silly.

"Ohh, but Yoshiki has a job! And lots of other things to be responsible about!"

"Yeah, like his _relationship_!"

"Pahahaha! Ayumi!" But she is right... heh. In a way. Still, Yoshiki works so hard already. Haha, I trust she doesn't tire him out even more.

Quiet again for a little longer. I don't know if I've been to Ayumi's house before—heh, some memories from before He-Heavenly Host are so hazy—but I get the feeling it's not much further. Maybe Ayumi's anxious stare gives it away, though. Heh. Oh, Ayumi.

I nudge her a little. "Thank you for letting me stay with you. Eheh, it'll be like a... a _reaally_ long sleepover."

"Heh, yeah. Um..." She puffs her cheeks slightly. "I... don't know if you can stay for so long though. My... well..." Ayumi releases a small breath. "My parents aren't... exactly _toward_ the idea. Onee-chan understands, but... that's because she's onee-chan." Hinoe. Heh, I've heard a lot of her since meeting Ayumi. One might say she... idolizes her sister. Slightly. "Just, uhhhh, be yourself. They'll like that."

"They will?" I squeak.

Ayumi snorts. "Well, _yeah_! You were, like, Kisaragi's idol! You're so sociable, and gracious and kind and... and you... you're so good at getting people to like you. But... in an honest way—you're genuine, not... se-secretly _cruel_ or... anything." Her voice goes soft. "Are you... okay, Mayu? I mean—heh—of course not, but... you look sad."

"A-Ayumi..!" I blush again, squeezing her fingers. "Heheh... maybe a little. I'm sorry, it's..."

"Don't be sorry," she mutters, "you have no reason to be." A pause. Her eyes darken. "Oh, God... I'm thinking about how many idiots have asked you things like that without knowing why you... nnngh! That's so... Ugh, what..." She can't—she can't even finish a sentence..! "It's stupid!" Kicking a pebble across the sidewalk. "It's so, _so_ stupid! G-God, why did we have to go through that hell?! It doesn't make any _sense_! We never did anything! We never, we..." Little clear crescents form in her eyes.

I gently tug her. "Ayumi... It's o—well... well, no, I guess it's not very okay but... but it is, still. It's _over_. We _made_ it. And it's not just you, or me... it was all of us. And we're not alone in all this. Heh..." I lose her gaze. "I'm just... I really am happy I can stay at your house with you, eheh..."

"But you might not be able to stay for long..."

"That's okay!" I sputter, "It's okay because I can stay with Yoshiki!"

Ayumi turns abruptly. "MA—"

"No, no! He doesn't have a family to worry about! And! And Yui! I can stay with Yui! Or... maybe Satoshi, if his mom's anything like him and Yuka!" Hahaha... or I can just stay with _Yoshiki_. Pff, that would really annoy Ayumi, though... Nothing she'd be so bold to shout over, but... an irksome matter ever so. Heheh, maybe not Yoshiki then.

Or Naomi... she said it was just her and her mom... so maybe that would be okay—or Seiko... heh. I have so many options, wow... heheh.

Shige-nii's parents are scary... I don't know if I could go over there. Ma-Maybe I can see him soon though. Shige-nii...

Ayumi flattens out her scowl. "Yeah... you're right, I guess."

She releases a breath and suddenly envelops me, her grip tight.

"Ay—" I stumble, sputtering. "A... Ayumi..."

It's hard to let go.

When we finally get to the Shinozaki home we're late for dinner, haha...

 **yes everyone is on a first name basis, even yui and _shi-ge-niiiiii_ xD**

 **It's because, as mentioned in the story and by me... they've been through a lot together. Like a _lot_ , like an _impossibly_ lot. Haha.  
Also, _mayu's new school was byakuden and mitsuki and kurosaki were mentioned ohhhhhh_**

 **I know Ayushiki and Mayushige were both heavily hinted in this chapter (and you bet there's more from those/other ships to come) but if you want a chapter dedicated to, like, Mayushiki or, uh, even like Mayumi or something, I mean I'd be down for that xD**

 **so there you go, tone of the series xD ahaha**

 **I'M TAKING REQUESTS!**


	2. Theatrics

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **Haha yeah I think I'll just put that at the top/bottom of every chapter until either I think I'm done writing this series or... I... I dunno, it's weird writing stories like these for me cuz I'm used to knowing when I'll finish. I wrote a story similar to this, like, a year ago (It's called The Alternate Fossil Fighter if you're curious—not about corpse party xD at all xD) and I ended up capping it at ten chapters... because I did, pff. But we'll see where this goes.**

 **It's exciting!**

 **This chapter's more a continuation of the last one (I'll try to mention every time a chapter's more the "main plot" of this story or if it's more characterization/fluffy chapter/a backstory that doesn't have much to do with the whole Mayu's Back And Everyone's Alive gig, haha). So it's plot. I'll also mention (like in the first chapter) whose pov it is every chapter... still Mayu though, haha.**

 ***no idea how Japanese people eat/spend their evenings/life/etc or if any of that's, like, significantly different from how I do things, so uh... bear with my lack of knowledge? XD**

After Host

2: Theatrics

 _Mayu_

It's borderline unbearable that evening. Silence descends like a cloak over the table. Ayumi's parents find a habit out of staring at their daughter, their eyes prodding her, as if prompting her to _do something_ , but what I can't imagine, while her older sister sits at one of the ends, smiling warmly whenever I glance her way.

Hinoe's... nice. I like her. I almost feel like she sees through this haze I have in my gaze of the real world and watches my unfolding panic deep down inside of me, the kind of panic that festered some long time ago when we first found ourselves in... in that school.

But even so, it's easy to tell why her younger sister is so devoted, eheh. I sort of wish... I had a sibling like her. Nurturing, gentle, so ready to support Ayumi. And I'm sure Ayumi would do the same... if her older sister didn't come off as so... secretive. Uuf, that's a funny contrast. Hinoe didn't see my nose wrinkle right then, did she? Ahhh...

Either way, what a relief it is when my dear friend and I manage to untangle ourselves from the situation. After thanking for the food that I, ummm, hardly touched, we leave the rest of the family behind.

"Woaaah, your room is so... comfy!" My bare toes squish in a thick carpet. So many pillows, and what long curtains toward the back of the room... so wavy and all mystic-looking, a little window seat ensconced in between. "It's very warm in here. Eheh, I like it. And!" I gasp when I sight the bed. "It's so biiiig!"

Before she can stop me, I charge up to the mattress and bounce upon it, giggling incessantly as I roll over onto my back.

The ceiling is a very plain shade of white, not at all intriguing in comparison to the shimmery wallpaper and carefully-carved wooden furniture and so many intensely-detailed drawings spiraled about the chamber.

It all feels very... like Ayumi. As her feet softly stride through the carpet, I turn my face over into one of the pillows on the bed. "It smells like you!" I cry, bursting into another round of laughter.

" _Huh_ ," she remarks, sitting with an abrupt jolt on the mattress. "I wonder _why_." Her wry grin, partially blocked by billowing blue hair, forces itself into my line of sight.

"Hahahaha! That is a very good question!"

She rolls her eyes and her body, squeezing into a niche beside me. "Oh!" Suddenly Ayumi's hand flits to her skirt and she rummages, quickly removing her cellphone. "I have an idea!" Clicking a few buttons, the screen brightly flashes. "Hmmmnng... It's not all that late in the evening... Yoshiki's out of work by no—oh... oh, ummm... oh, that's riiiight..."

"Huh? What is it?"

There's a funny look on my friend's considerably pale face. "Ahhh, it's fine!" She shrugs it off, then. "Nothing to worry about! I'll just... yeah! He won't mind!"

Somehow I decipher from her tone of voice and scrunched face alone what events are about to occur.

Punching buttons again, her fingers fast. She continually dials the number wrong, her face flushed, her breath bated, until finally the call goes through. Squeezing closer to me, the screen flickers to life in between us with the image of a dim-lit chamber, spacious and surrounded—as far back as the phone captures—with full seats.

A certain blonde's pale, flushed face registers. "What the hell, Ayumi? I _told_ you"—his hand shaking somewhat, the image distorting—"we're at the _play_! The one that _you_ suddenly couldn't _go_ to! _God,_ we're _all_ here and _you're_ not an—"

His gaze twists as he notes the presence of someone who is not Ayumi beside her. "Who's—" He goes cold.

Seconds after, his face contorts, melding into an infuriating red. "GODDAMMIT, AYUMI, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL US THE REASON YOU HAD A GODDAMN CHANGE OF PLANS SO SUDDENLY WAS CUZ YOU WERE PICKING UP MAYU! YOU... GOD DAMMIT!"

The phone is shaking very much so. I giggle weakly. "So—"

"Ohhhh _no_ ," he mutters, "Mayu, this has _nothing_ to do with you." My cheeks flush. "JUST THE IDIOT BESIDE YOU!"

"DON'T BE SO MELODRAMATIC!" Ayumi flashes back, her face hot against mine. "SO WHAT IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU? I WAS IN A BIT OF A _RUSH_ TO GET HER!"

Yoshiki grunts, the rain before the flood. "OH, BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE IT _MATTERS_ , HUH? WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN ASS?! YOU DIDN'T THINK ONCE ABOUT THE REST OF US, DID YOU!"

"WELL IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER GO AHEAD! YOU CAN NOW!" Ayumi's face goes steely calm, a catlike grin stretching her lips. She cups my head and pushes me marginally closer to the phone screen.

I think he's a little too flustered to say much of anything, so I squeak, "Hi, Yoshiki! It is very nice to be in the same... um, area as you again!" and give a demure wave. He's still a little... stunned. Pff.

I think he's about to gain his bearings when another face twists into view. I catch sight of glasses flashing in the beam of light and dark eyes and—and—and—"Ma-Mayu?!"

He's stunned too. But it's a different kind of stunned. H-Heh.

I think Shige-nii was thinking of getting Yoshiki to shut his phone, since... what did he mention? They're at a... play? A-And Ayumi canceled, out of nowhere, when... apparently they all planned to go together? A school play? A... fancy play? I think one of them may have mentioned it in passing, in a text somewhere... but I never imagined...

I blink and he's _gone_. Yoshiki glances back, yet another color of stunned painting his faint pallor. "What th—OIIIIII! SHIG, GET BACK HEEEEERE!"

The video call abruptly comes to a halt with the _CLAKK_ of a phone slamming shut.

We lay in stunned silence for I can't say how long. Then, slowly, curling up beside me, Ayumi lands her fisted, phone-clutching hand down on a pillow and shrieks into a fit of laughter. Releasing her phone, she covers her wide-eyed face with the hand and closes her eyes, giving way to shaking, shaking, laughing, interrupted but by frenzied little giggles.

Eventually I start too and there we are, plastered to her mattress, the epitome of crazed teenagers, huh? Hahaha... I just see his blank face when I close my eyes and hear his dumb shouts and there he is, screeching after Shige-nii and just shutting off the call like that... Pfff, though that doesn't give Ayumi any right to suddenly call him, haha... that wasn't very nice either...

But something about it is absolutely hysterical, and we can't stop even after tears rake down our cheeks and my stomach goes sour with so much laughter, it hurts so badly.

The silence is so much louder afterward. Coughing, Ayumi makes to stand, and then sways and collapses back onto her side. She tries again and forces herself upright. She grasps the bed for support and I let out a soft giggle, and she snorts and for a second we start again. And then a sigh, and then it all stops.

"I'm gonna go get a glass of water. You want some?"

I roll over, facing the wall instead of my friend. "Heheh... yes, please..."

Her feet thrum against the ground, softer as she passes on. I let out a sigh, turning to stare back up at the ceiling, all stretched out on Ayumi's bed. It's comfy. Comfort. More so than my own back at home. Might she have set up... something f-for me? Heh... Though it sounded like from her, um, fiasco with Yoshiki that she wasn't expecting me.

It... It _was_ sort of all of a sudden, huh. I hadn't really seen it coming so... so fast. But then the attack and then... well, it didn't take very long after that. I guess I scared a lot of people when I fainted like I did. H-Heh. My bad. Not that... I'm _sad_ it happened. H-Heheh.

When Ayumi returns, I sidle up onto the edge of the bed and we sit next to each other, cold glasses in hand. I sort of kick at her carpet with my toes. We're mostly quiet, a strange comfort now.

"Did... it really surprise you when I called earlier?" I murmur. "Thinking about it now... heheh, I guess it makes sense. I hadn't really considered it earlier..." My lips purse. "I-If you were going to all see a _play_ you could've wai—"

"Nnnnh! Nooo, Mayu! I'm not _waiting_! I can see a play often, not... not get you out of that... that _hell_ you were living in, on your own and all like that..." Her breath goes out in a hot rush, her eyes squinting at the nothing in front of us.

A lamp on a bedside table is all that lights the chamber as night falls. Shadows slither along the edges of our visions, as if waiting for one of us to make some foolhardy motion, wh-what exactly I can't say. "I-It wasn't so bad." My lips tighten. "They were... nice."

"Yeah, but they weren't _us_ ," she offers as comeback. I laugh weakly.

"They were still nice." A smile pinches me. "But, um... thank you, Ayumi. I-I really appreciate it. Eheh."

Quiet. Then she shifts toward me. "Didn't you already say that?"

I flush. "Maybe, heheh..." Probably...

A sort of tenderness overcomes her. Ayumi's otherwise harsh expression smooths, the edges blending into her as she nudges my side. "I missed you. You know that? We—Well... We all did." She waits, an eyebrow cocked.

"And Shige-nii?"

"Keh—heheh... of course." A gentle grin compensates for her smug tone.

In a surprisingly short amount of time all of that peace flies out the window. It starts—splintering into the house—with a frantic, offbeat stomping— _CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP—_ which crudely complements the rush of... wheezing. Ayumi starts, her fingers seeking and tightening over mine. A blade-like shadow crosses her gaze, twinkling violently.

And then a figure. And then a figure cutting through the shadows and the splay of light and there he is. Breathless, waiting, a shaking hand reaching off toward us. One gasp of breath after another accompany his trembling gait until another step and the rims of his glasses catch, smoldering brightly like stars in the sky.

My mouth went agape. I don't know when but I feel cold air rushing against my tongue. Ayumi coughs, winces, then coughs again, swallowing. She leaves us in the wake of her silence.

It takes me a moment to register him. To—To really... _see_ him. It's like, after so much darkness, after so much death, after missing each other and falling behind and getting lost and losing hope and what a knife it was in my heart to play this dreadful game of dodging back and losing sight... it's like that knife comes out and I go numb, I so forgot what it felt like not to be in pain.

I think I try to greet him. My words are dust in my mouth. Some dry squeak and I leap to my feet and the glass goes _THUKK_ to the ground and probably spills all over Ayumi's lavish carpet and I don't stop and I practically charge into him and then he's there, and then he's there.

Breathless. I swallow, eyes swimming but for tears.

Numbers upon numbers of greetings cram in my head and a grand total of none ever see the light of day. I huddle closer into him, his soft clothes catching my head, his hands cradling me.

Long, long silence. I hardly note it speeding by.

" _Ma_ yu..." Oh, sweet reprieve. It's been some time since I've heard his voice. He must feel me stiffen when I hear it, and then melt into his side, my fingers tightening around him. "Mayu, I..." So... soft, so warm.

"Shige- _niii_ ," I burst, " _Shige-niiiiii_ iiii... why did you go quiet?" Why did you stop? I-It made me sad... I-I won't say it made me sad because that might make you sad but it must be evident in my face, oh, the emotion that pours out from me... how overflowing it is, hu-huh... he-hehhh...

Hard, hard silence. I long for his voice to fill in the gaps. "I'm sorry. Mayu." _Shige-nii_... "I..." A-And then he loses it. A-Again.

My nervous wreck of a gaze streaks up toward his. When our eyes meet his head sort of tilts, his lips open and... and he's about—about to tell me, about to say—to say _something_... when it ripples and there it all goes. Gone. Lost again. Regret struggles from within him. Whatever regret it is, a festering wound-like catharsis, that regret devours him.

There are many ways to go about this, huh. Well... not really.

I press against him, nuzzling into his chest. "It's okay, Shige-nii." My voice is so... high, a-almost strong against his trembling whisper. "You don't have to tell me." And I feel his stiff form relax, if but slightly. From somewhere behind me Ayumi sits up, the bed bouncing as she does so. Somehow I get the feeling she knows what it is he can't... he can't say. Like she was there... when it happened, whatever it was that left him weak, pale, oh so pale.

"...Thank you." His voice hot in my ear, his head leaning toward me, rubbing against mine. "I... I trust you, Mayu—I'm sorry—I... I was very lost after all that... occurred to us. I didn't mean to hurt you. Truly, I didn't. Not you."

"Oh, nnnn _noowwwww_ you talk."

I start. "Y-Yoshiki!" I'd know that lumbering drawl anywhere... pff, he sounds so disappointed for some reason...

Glancing over Shige-nii's shoulder, I catch eyes with the blonde. His smile's a little cheeky. "Oi, Mayu. Get this guy some manners, would you? He's pathetic."

"I _will_ have you know"—Shige-nii looks away from me for long enough to scorn him—" _Yoshiki_ , that I'm sure you'd be in a similar position was the situation reversed."

Lacking a tactful response, Yoshiki sticks out his tongue. Teasing.

"I'm sure you _would_ be!" cries Ayumi, suddenly bursting from behind me to punch the poor blonde. I don't know where _her_ water ends up either. She chases him out of the chamber and I-I can't say where they go, just that it... it leaves us alone for some glorious handful of moments. I'm fidgeting, but then there's this tender grin on my face. Unmoving comfort.

Shige-nii sees it. A slight smile touches him. "I... was sad. When you weren't here. Heh..." His gaze darkens. I get the feeling he means—he means _more_ than this past month. Another world, another timeline, another eternity... "It made me realize just how much you mean to me." What s-soft hands that cup my face. "I'm sorry. It took me a very long time to realize that, Mayu.

He takes me in, his grip tight, desperate, his voice deathly soft, a rasp. " _Thank_ you, Mayu, for being here for me. Thank you for befriending me. For... For _caring_ about me. You're the reason I'm where I am today. You're... the reason I've come so far from... the sad thing I was."

His hug is like Ayumi's, a little bit. But hers wasn't as overwhelming as this. N-No, not at... not at all...

Heh.

Shige-nii over...whelms me. I hide my face in his chest and I close my eyes. He smells so... s-sweet. "Nnnnh... Shige- _nii_...

"You—You help me too... Really, really you do..."

Heheh, if only you were there when I had—when I had the attack, maybe then this situation wouldn't be so messy, _huh_ , ha-hahahaha...

"I _missed_ you," I whisper, voice weak, "I _missed_ you..."

 **nah they didn't kiss this time around haha**

 **I kinda wanna hold out on too much pda in case I end up writing shippy moments with anyone _else_ because that would be fun and also I just, I dunno, this was a more plotty chapter and if the ships are "canon" in the plotty chapters then it's harder to go out of them I guess? In my head at least pfff**

 **they'll probably get more romantic feelsy in a shippy chapter... somewhere**

 **well there you go xD Another chapter, heheheh... this one's a leetle shorter. So the lengths'll probably vary some...**

 **oh Shige-nii... TTwTT  
If you're confused, one of the reasons Shige-nii was like heck can't even with Mayu is because of the whole corpse shot thing, I mean he had that going on and then multiply it by, like, a thousand for all the times he went through it _again_ and _again_ and _again_ and MAYU'S CORPSE THAT HE LIKE OBSESSED OVER and THINGS WENT SOUTH and all**

 **so that's where that came from xD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	3. She was a Victim

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **Anyways hi everyone! I decided that I wanted to start responding to reviews in the author notes up here since the only current reviews I have are from guests and I can't PM them, eheh, so I can do that here okay so long as they keep reading ^^**

 **as long as I get people by"Guest" I've decided I'll call them guests 1 or 2 or etc going from Who Reviewed First on. So the first reviewer would be "Guest 1", the second "Guest 2," etc, haha. I can keep doing this with guest reviewers for however long, eheh, and if one of you is still reading and you want to change your guest name for the next review I'll change your name on the next chapter (haha, to you/any other review that reviews by the time I post) accordingly ^^**

 **So!  
electric angel 20: Thank you so much! I'm happy you think so ^^ And yeah! AYUSHIKI! For the win xD I'm sure snippets of them will keep showing up~  
Guest 1: Sure! This is sort of coincidence as someone else had suggested this chapter, but this has a bit of Ayumi's possession going on too, haha, but for sure I'll make a chapter (maybe the next one!) one involving Ayumi's possession problems (outside of HH perhaps?) And thank you too! Eheh, it makes me happy to know that you like my writing style ^^**

 **This chapter's gonna be more of a _backstory_. It's maybe the third or so "repeat" of Heavenly Host; therefore everyone still goes by last names and Yoshiki and Ayumi aren't as, uh, close as they were in chapters 1 and 2.**

 **My friend Shadow Snivy requested this xD so if any of the references don't make sense they do to her so that's what matters xD but you can ask me if anything's confusing! Just letting you know now that this'll be a doozy, eheh~**

After Host

3: She was a Victim

"Nnnghhhhh! Kishinuma-kuuuuun, I _know_ I heard her down this haaalllll! I-I _know_ it, I _know_ it I _know_ it!" The speaker, a short bluenette in a matching yellow-and-blue school uniform, was crouched at the floorboards, a pasty look on her face. Her voice—high, trembling—caused her companion to pick up speed and duck behind her rapidly. The blonde kept his gaze at the ground next to her, his black clothes fidgeting with his figure.

Kishinuma Yoshiki slowly looked up after a short bout of silence. Nothing to note... "Well whatever it is isn't here anymore. We should keep going, Shinozaki." Eerie silence.

However, his partner wasn't so easily convinced. "Noooooo! Kishinuma-kuuuunnn!" Her shrill tone crackled over his name. Yoshiki twitched, his blue eyes narrowed. "I heard Suzumoto-san! I _heard_ her, I _heaaard_ heerrrrrrrrr!"

All at once, the girl lowered her head into her small, pale hands and began to bawl.

"Ga-Gaaah! Sh-Shinozaki! Oiiii, g-get a grip!" He bumbled onto the ground beside her. "Shinozaki! Okay, I _get_ it, you _heard_ her! But whatever you heard's not here now! I'm _sure_ Suzumoto would've said something by now if she was!"

"Maybe she didn't hear us!" cried Ayumi, "maybe if we try again, lou-louder, _louder_ , maybe she'll hear us! Maybe she's just _really_ focused!"

"On pissing," muttered the blonde. His narrow eyes followed the cracks in the floorboards, further as they teetered off into a gaping, haphazard hole just ahead. It resembled a monstrous mouth, complete with ugly, brown teeth; Yoshiki tried not to focus on that aspect of the hall. A door lay at the other end of the atrocity, firmly shut—almost as if it was a wall decoration. Beside it read a sign: **Girls' Room**.

The bluenette suddenly shifted and slammed her fist against Yoshiki's shoulder. "SHUT UP!" Ah—G-Goddammit, he didn't think she heard hi—"SHUT UP, YOU... JERK!"

Releasing a small breath, Yoshiki tried again to focus on his friend. "I'M JUST SAYING!" Oh, of _course_ , and _now_ she flinches, like a _wounded_ animal. Yeah, because it wasn't like _Yoshiki_ had any feelings.

He dropped his gaze. "One more time." Shoulders sunken, given in.

Sure, the school was utter hell, but it wasn't like a few more seconds on the third floor was gonna hurt them any more than it already had. Ayumi was gonna lose it if she kept letting this get to her as it had.

Might as well, right? He didn't know. _Damn_ , if only Suzumoto _was_ there. That'd lift Ayumi's spirits.

Ah well.

Straightening, Ayumi jumped to her feet and stood dangerously close to their precarious hole in the floor. Cupping her lips, she turned and waited for her delinquent friend to join her before screaming: "SUZUMOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" quickly echoed by Yoshiki's deeper, throatier drawl.

She called a few other sundry statements before finally sighing, her voice a knotty, scratchy glob in her throat. "O-Okay. O-Okay..."

He caught her pale fingers flash out and rub at her eyes again. Such dark blue eyes.

Yoshiki glanced away again. "Come on, then." His voice lacked the tire she sported.

With a pout, the bluenette followed him back around. "I just don't _get_ it," she mumbled, "how Suzumoto-san was there, and... and then she wasn't. I-It's like, there's nowhere else to go!" With a _GURCH_ , Ayumi slammed her foot into a particularly gaping hole, kicking at the wood on the outer edge. "She can't just disappear like that! It's not... fair!" Spitting the words out, her eyes an angry, wet mess.

He stayed quiet.

 _Shwff—_

Ayumi's eyes flickered toward the walls. "O-Oh?" She rushed forward, leaving her companion behind once again. Head darting back and forth, she found it: a piece of paper, just flapping about in the air.

Quickly she snatched it and began flattening the curled edges, the paper against her leg. Furious motions scuttled the flapping corners back and back until enough of the message lay open, readable. With a small gasp she pulled it taut like a flag and raised it in the air.

"Kishinumaaaaa-kuuunn! It's a... It's some sorta message!"

Her grumbling, lumbering friend took to her side. "Seen enough of those around here." That's all he had to say on the matter. But, well... _she_ cared.

Something about the possibility of hope in those tiny, scrawled letters kept Ayumi baiting every time. Something about the spark in her gaze convinced him to let her.

"I'm gonna read it aloud." From her skirt pocket came her reading glasses. With a reluctant halt, she mumbled, "Alright?"

Yoshiki stirred. "Sure." Let her have her fun while she still could. Besides, after Suzumoto...

The two pored over the message. Some suspicious splotches came out darker than others, and the page noticeably tore at the bottom—suggesting a sequel floating around somewhere. The page, yellowed with—age?—but you couldn't trust time here, so who knew—trembled in Ayumi's weak grip.

 **None of this was my fault. I swear, none of this was my fault. I was with friends, and they all mean very much to me, so why would I dare hurt one of them? I'm a good person. I know I am. I always have been. Haven't I?**

 **I'm a good person.**

 **Zoey's been with me since the start. It's scary here, but I knew I could trust her. She's my best friend. Still smiling, happy, making our moments a little brighter in here. And _Elijah_... Elijah's very special.**

 **Zoey and me. And Elijah.**

 **And Tim too, but he's not as important. He's a friend, though. I think. Tim's scary sometimes but not this scary. I didn't think he'd be so bad. Strong. He's strong.**

 **He could pry open all the funny doors on the third floor that otherwise held shut.**

 **Zoey called him a forklift, but like mixed with an orangutan. He said nothing. She told him it was rude not to accept such a generous compliment.**

 **I miss Zoey.**

 **Then she had to use the restroom... and then she disappeared. And now I'm sitting here terrified in the dark. Elijah says it'll be okay but how can I believe him? No. No, I should. I should.**

 **Tim thinks she's dead. Well _I_ don't.**

 **Why would Tim thinks she's dead anyways? He doesn't have a say in the matter. He probably just thinks so because he's a careless idiot.**

And there it ended.

Ayumi's tongue flickered out and wet her lips. "H-Huh..." She quietly spoke the inevitable. "Suzumoto-san disappeared too. After going to the bathroom."

"We don't know that that was her. We never saw her. We just thought we _heard_ her." In all honesty, they hadn't seen her since the charm took place. How the hell did Shinozaki know from noises in a goddamn _bathroom_ closed off by a rather imposing _gap_ that it was _Suzumoto_? Dammit, who's to say it wasn't Shinohara, Nakashima? Hell, _Satoshi_? He could see Satoshi wuss out and end up in the girls' room.

" _I_ think she's in there. Or was." Ayumi puffed out her cheeks. "I know it." What a confident stare for such teary eyes.

Yoshiki considered debunking her theory but ultimately decided against it. She'd just get mad again.

Not like he _wanted_ her to be upset... she _just_...

Stepping back, he closed his eyes for a second and let out a low breath.

Then it was back down the stairs again. Evidently there was nothing else to examine on the third floor—there being merely the inaccessible girls' room and the boys' deserted. Flyers on the walls and scattered amongst the ground had mainly dried out, similar to the one Ayumi now kept tucked in her hand, clenching it gently.

A couple corpses here and there. They... tried not to look at those.

Nobody they recognized, though. Somehow Yoshiki got the feeling that the relief in his chest came from somewhere outside of this one time in Heavenly Host... almost like he'd been there before...

As they headed further, Ayumi paused, rereading the message. "If Suzumoto's the... Zoey character, then you're Tim."

Oh. Gee, _thanks_. "What the he—"

"How do you think Mochida-kun's doing? I wonder if he's lonely on his own..."

Ayumi continued thumbing over the note a little distractedly. Kishinuma, to her side, shook his head. She saw him out of the corner of her eye. Her lip curled faintly.

Ryou, their old ghost bastard tagalong, stood watch currently where the hallway branched out toward the bottom right, effectively blocking off both the infirmary and the science lab—the first Yoshiki had a really shitty feeling about as it was—like something _else_ had happened there before, _damm_ it. But the two were free to uncover the rest of the hallways so far as they could tell. Some locked doors here and there, corpses, whatnot... what a queasy sensation, huh.

So much death. He found himself wondering, idly, if any of those corpses just so happened to be the _Zoey_ from their note.

"Oh!" Ayumi started. She knocked past the blonde and ripped a second paper from the air. "Kishinuma-kun, look! Another one!"

Scowling somewhat, he loped after her. "You sure it's the right one?"

"I don't knowwww," she grumbled, "probably..." Then without a second glance in her delinquent friend's direction she read over the presumed sequel.

 **Been awhile. Don't know how long. Hungry.**

 **Zoey still gone. Tim thinks she's dead, the bastard. Says it like he's gloating it.**

 **Maybe I'm just too hungry to care. Should've had dinner by now. Maybe breakfast too, maybe more than that. Feels like weeks.**

 **Found a body. Fresh. No one we know.**

 **Tim thinks we should eat it. Don't know.**

 **Elijah won't. He's too pure. Too good.**

 **Considering. Still not sure. Elijah won't look at me if I do but so so so hungry.**

 **Miss Zoey. She'd know what to do. She made me laugh, made me happy. _Forklift orangutan_. No one says things like that.**

 **She'd know what to do.**

 **Thinking I might have a piece of it. The corpse. But only a little bit. Nothing much. Elijah won't know. Doesn't have to. He'd understand if he was this hungry. He would.**

They were quiet after that.

Ayumi swallowed. "That's... unnh...

Her belly let out a low groan—her face went red. "N-No! That's not what I—"

"Y-Yeah, I know." He shook his head. He was kind of hungry too, now that he thought about it. It really had been awhile since supper came and went, huh... but how long? Oh, God, thinking about it was hell on his stomach...

The two reached the end of their hallway and Ayumi veered left, beginning to hum softly under her breath. It wasn't much of a tune, probably something just to distract her from the cold listlessness of the school and its yawning chambers.

Yoshiki let out a breath and started after her when a flyer jutting out from the floorboards caught his attention. He bent over and plucked the paper. A suspicious stain took out the bottom. He decided to ignore this, mumbling the text under his breath, " 'Watch... out... for logged memories of the... demised'." His face twisted. " 'Once in... tandem... their pained souls... are swallowed up by the curse. Their curse spreads... and may harm you next'." A grimace. "I... I already _know_ this." His pause deepens. "Wh-What the hell, why do I already know this...

Gently Yoshiki turned the page onto its backside. "Oh, this looks new. Huh. 'Not all memoirs... end at five'."

This sunk in.

His stomach jolted. Yoshiki slammed into the wall beside him without blinking.

"SHHHIT. OH SHIT." His wide gaze pummeled empty hallways and he let out a disastrous cry. "SHINOZAKI! SHINOZAKIIIIIIIIIII! WHERE THE HELL AAREEE YYOOUUUUUUU! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHHHHIT!"

No sound. Of course no _fucking_ sound. No not the _one_ time he absolutely _needed_ her.

Thoughts kicked in and feet started sprinting. As long as he could yell he was gonna yell. Didn't take long to deplete, gasping air between breaths, the pauses growing longer and longer like these never-ending god _damn_ hallways.

What if it ended at three. Oh... _fuck_. What if it _ended_ at _three._

No, no. He couldn't think like that. He was gonna fucking lose it, thinking like that.

Oh, what the hell. By his luck, it was probably too late.

Pinpricks of tears formed in the edges of his eyes. "SHIINOOZAAKIIIIIIII! OIIIIIIIII, GET BACK HEEREEEE! SHINOOOOOZAAAKIIIIIIIIII!" Breathing, breathing, wheezing, wheezing. "SHINOZAAAKIIIIIIIII!"

 _TUM TUM TUM TUM TUM TUM TUM TU—SHHGGHHLK._

Landing. A crumpled mass at the bottom of a flight of stairs he hadn't seen coming. Coughing as he stood, a generously-sized glob of sputtering red fluid slopped out of his lips and _splorshhhh_ ed to the ground by his feet.

Yoshiki timidly wiped at his mouth with a sleeve. It came back red but he wasn't looking at the sleeve, now was he. A pale sheen had come over his face. "Shi-Shinozaki..." His voice a guttural whisper, his head stooped. "Shiinozakiii..." Like he was calling for a lost dog. "D-DHhhh... wh-where are you..."

The air had come alive with chills, shafts of light snuffed out before they reached the floor.

Hard, dark eyes took care traversing the contorted nexus ahead. Careful feet took careful steps as bits of broken boards fell beneath a wayward toe. Bones chattered like voices when neared. Yoshiki's breath came out in pants well after his fall. He favored one shoulder, the other half of his body filling with a sort of dread just before any sudden motion: a lurch forward, a sidestep.

As more and more of the hallway opened up, he could swear he heard someone. High-pitched, affable—a girl.

Sounded like Suzumoto. He went a little cross-eyed thinking about it.

Sounded a _lot_ like Suzumoto.

Was it she? Why, Shinozaki _had_ mentioned...

"Aaahahahaha...  
Ahah..."

He flinched. His mouth parted, considered. Slowly closed.

"Yeah!" _Ahh—_ "Isn't that funny? Kishinuma-kun's so _dense_ sometimes!" Struggling to keep quiet, Yoshiki's speed steadily increased. "Ohhhhh"—a creamy sigh—"but he's nothing like Mo _chi_ da... nnnn, Mochida's a little dense but he's... he's..." A second sigh mirrored the first.

Yoshiki winced softly. Goddammit, where the hell _was_ she!

"Kyahaaaahahaaaa... ahahahaha..."

"You were the one who dropped... the notes, right? Heheh! Kishinuma's like that _Tim_ guy! And... Mochida's... Elijah. Heh. That feels so funny to say aloud... Is that funny?"

"Hahahaha..."

A forlorn silence drew out. "Maybe a little, huh? But that's okay. I just... I _really_... really like Mochida-kun..." A charged pause. "He's... too pure for this too. Too good." Somehow, her tone, smug, felt _satisfied_ as she stated this.

With a yell, Yoshiki pummeled and swung the grand doors leading out to the entranceway wide open. In the midst of the chamber lied a certain bluenette sitting cross-legged. All by herself. Just... sitting there. Kind of damn close to a _hole_ , too.

He began coughing. Repeatedly. "Shi—Shino— _SHINOZAKI_!"

Her dark gaze slowly raised. A lull. "Huh? Kishinuma-kun, what's up?" Her eyes stirred as she recognized her surroundings, certainly not similar to where she remembered last—the bewilderment evident in her paling face.

Yoshiki made a step toward her when the door slammed open behind him and a fist—he _swore—_ a frigid _fist_ went right through him. His chest.

Whatever voice he had left withered deep into his throat. "Dhhhhhammit, Ryou..." A weak gasp.

He surged and with that surge stepped closer, _oh_ , closer to his lost girl, but as he approached another frosty hand struck out—this time of _she_.

For half a second a crescent of a face glinted at him. Then Ayumi collapsed like a doll: her gaze glassy, her limbs stiff. A soft, moaning rasp lifted out of still lips. The chill formed once more in Yoshiki's chest and he swerved again, his bad shoulder nicking the edge of a shoe locker. The wood groaned dangerously—and then it gave out altogether, splintering shambles and bits of board scraping and falling, some slipping through cracks while the majority lay in a disheveled heap.

He had to leap over it soon after. A nasty hole blocked off the end of his corridor.

Ayumi was gone when he raised his head. "NHHH—NOOOOOO! GODDAMMIT! SHINOZAKI!"

Naught but a scrap of paper where she sat. With an angry fist he snatched the thing off the ground. With the child spirit on his heels, Yoshiki made a mess of ducking and hiding and skidding from floor to floor, his shoulder throbbing—a massive strain on his back.

It took awhile to lose the sorry bastard. When he did he let out a long sigh and slunk to the floorboards.

Lost her again, huh. Glancing up, Yoshiki took in the shoddy state of the stall boxing him in place. The gap of toilet lay precariously behind him. He currently made base in the men's room, but one eye kept incessantly flickering toward the gaping opening, just waiting for someone to pop in and catch him unawares.

Finally, ducking for a slight longer, Yoshiki unrolled the crumpled ball in his fist.

Number three. He quickly noted the rip at the bottom—so there was at least one more left.

But at this point he'd lost Shinozaki so maybe it didn't matter. He kind of scowled as he recalled the whole her-calling-him-Tim part. Felt like an insult.

Turned out, it was.

 **it wasn't my fault. it wasn't my fault. i didn't tell him to do what he did he just did it and then it was over by then.**

 **i hate him**

 **hes evil**

 **hes a monster**

 **i told him i didn't want Elijah to see. i told him Elijah was too good for this so if we have to do it then just don't let him see.**

 **So tim killed him**

 **the bastard**

 **i didnt know he meant kill him**

 **i thought he meant something anything else not kill him**

 **who in their right mind does that? who kills their friends?**

 **tim said it meant more food**

 **i wont eat Elijah not even if i die from it**

 **i closed his eyes with my sticky fingers sticky with red after eating**

 **but I was so hungry and i bet if he was here too he would understand**

 **i just didnt want him to see**

 **it wasnt my fault not my fault not _mY_ fault not _mY_ fault not _mINE_**

"C-Called me a... killer, huh.

He couldn't help it. His eyes dropped. "All I do for her, and that's what she thinks of me."

A crude smile slipped down his cheeks. These were smoothed over by tears. Tiny, tiny tears, a small river cascading down his cold cheeks.

 _THUMMMMMFHH_.

"G-Gah—" The blonde flinched back, peering out through cracks in the stall.

He realized that he recognized the new figure.

Hastily wiping at his cheeks, he shuffled through the stall and turned to face the newcomer. "Sa—Satoshi."

"Yoshiki!" His brunette friend rushed toward him, his caramel gaze wild. " _Yo_ shiki! Ohhh, d-dammit, it's been so long! H-How are you! H-Have you seen anyone else! Are"—his friend caught sight of Yoshiki's face—"Are... Are you okay? What's wrong?"

The blonde sputtered. H-He couldn't... oh, God... "Well, uh..." A low, weak chuckle. "I lost Shinozaki. She was... with me up until now. And"—oh, what the hell—"And we thought we heard Suzumoto recently. But I guess not. Haven't... heard her since, as far as I can tell." He sucked in a small breath. "N-Nothin' to be crying over." Dammit, he was stronger than this...

And that just pointed out the obvious. Satoshi winced. "Yoshiki..." His voice had gone a little tender. "Are you sure? You... You _really_ don—"

"I-I know." He shook his head. Shoved over it. "We have to find Shinozaki right now." One _almost_ couldn't detect the tremor in his tone.

But finally his goodnatured best friend let go of it. "Alright..." letting it out with a sigh, "okay, let's go." And just like that the shorter boy turned and let it rest there. Yoshiki followed quickl—

 _BURRHUHRHHRHHHGHHHHHHhhhhh—_

God _dammit_ , an _other_ earthq—

 _RRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHHHHH—CRRHHS!_

Light fixtures exploded at pure spontaneity from above, raining glass and cutting whatever they could sink an edge into. The two boys splattered to the ground and fell back there, swerving with what little control they could from glass and wood and other wayward objects. Neither was particularly agile.

With cries of _Shinozaki_ here and there, the boys' voices slowly petered out and droned into the monotonous shaking until this petered out as well. Then they stood and brushed themselves off. Yoshiki flinched at the throbbing in his shoulder... not much he could do about it, though.

 _Ponponponponponpo—_

Footprints. Yoshiki surged forward and spilled out into the third floor hallway. His head swiveled and then he turned right, charging ahead, swerving to avoid new holes in the ground and stopping and then starting past the last hole, the one that blocked off the girls' room earlier.

"SHINO—" he started, and then dropped it as his gaze caught light of the interior.

What the hell did you know. _There_ she was. Large, demented eyes stared back up at him. Lips pushed together and she stumbled back. "N-No. No!" Larger footsteps; she stumbled. "No! NO, GO AWAY!" Hands outstretched in front of her, panting, panting. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Wide, gasping breaths and horror-stricken whimpers and all of the things he wasn't expecting to come from a... from a _friend_.

Yoshiki neared. "Sh-Shinozaki..." Wincing as he stumbled. "Wh-What the hell is _wron—_ "

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

 _Pash!_

Her hand—her nails—grazed him. Left him smarting.

A pause as he gained his bearings. "Shino..." Pausing. "WHAT THE HELL, SHINOZAKI! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FOR, YOU... ASS!"

Dammit, where did all that _pain_ in her face come from, the fear, the apprehension, literally kicking into the back wall like if she kicked it hard enough there'd be enough wiggle room to score more precious inches away from him. As those round eyes flickered back up at him, Yoshiki huffed and opened his mouth and—and almost—and _almost—_

Couldn't do it. He closed his mouth.

Deep breath. "Shinozaki..." Biting into his lip, thinking. "What's, uhhh... what's wrong?"

She had her hands all bundled up in front of her, a stubborn quiver at her mouth. She made little twitches from time to time, hesitating, closer, back. Something about that ghastly stare on her face, the v- _vacant_ eyes, the oddly tilted head... Oh, goddammit, he'd _seen_ it before... seen it somewhere...

A lurch, and she cried: "G-GO AWAY, YOU MURDERER! YOU FILTHY FILTHY _FIL_ THY MURDERER!"

 _Ah_. So now he was... Tim. And that made _her_...

This was a sick joke. Yoshiki winced as he stared at the girl. Gingerly easing himself closer, he managed a full two steps before she let out a piercing shriek and dove for another corner of the girls' room, bumping up against a stall—letting out a cry and then silence.

"Sh- _Shi_ nozaki..." Dammit, she didn't even like him... not when she was in her own damn skull and certainly not now, not _now_ of all times...

"He-Heey! Shinozaki!" Yoshiki flinched as his best friend strode by him. "Shinozaki, what's wrong? P-Please talk to us about this!"

Alright... Alright. She began to soften, began to release that gruesome stare from its hold upon her face. A long, relieved sigh spilled out of him; he tried again, another step—instinctively—and the bluenette utterly lost it.

"YOU BITCH!" Sobbing a—all _over_ again. "YOU AWFUL BITCH, YOU KI—"

"I'm—um—" Satoshi winced. "I'm still right he—"

A wrist yanked out and snatched the boy's throat.

Yoshiki slowly turned his gaze to his sides.

It took him a moment to recognize whose fingers were tied so taut arou—around—

And then the other hand. With a limp, soft cry, Yoshiki yanked himself back. He found that his body refused to... respond. A moan ripped from his lips—but he—but he cou—ohh shit shit s _hit shit—_

 _GURUCHHHHHHhghhhhhhh_

In his hands. In his mangled, dripping hands. Stained now. Stained the same fucking red as Satoshi's shirt.

What the... _hell—_

Yoshiki staggered back and bumped against the girl—against Ay—against... Who was she? Goddammit, who _was_ she?

As his breathing grew labored and his shoulder kicked in, Yoshiki felt a hot blanket of fury smother him. That goddamn girl and her goddamn thoughts and her _god_ damn way of _seeing_ him like he was—like he was a—

"SHHHINOZAKI!"

As he swung at the girl, a swath of paper fluttered out of reach.

…

"Nnnnnn... I-I swear I heard them... It was here, wasn't it?"

A girl's murky green gaze lifted. Her small figure froze as she thought she heard a footstep—then lightened as the sound dispersed throughout the hallway. Licking her lips, she turned, calling again: "Shiiiinozaaaki-saaaaaaan..! Kiiiishinuuuuma-kuuuuunn..! Nnnnngh..! I-I could've _sworn..._ "

The brunette was crestfallen. She continued further anyways. "I thought... I thought after that earthquake... maybe..."

When she spotted the girls' room at the end of the corridor. The door once refused to open; now she caught a glint of... of _something_ through the cracks. Could've been a shirt, a face, a—

"Shinozaki-saaan! Kishinuma-kuun!" Her gait increased rapidly. "It's me! Mayu! It's _me_!"

No answer. Mayu tried not to let the absence crush her. Maybe they were sleeping?

"Heeeey! P-Pleeeeaaaase! Answeer meeeeeee! Nnnnnhhhhh!"

Bumping against the door. Her twitchy fingers took a few tries to lock around the knob and slowly push the door aside. She slipped on her way in and when she landed she gasped.

"Wh-What's that on my... skirt?" Staining the fabric a rich, fleshy sort of violet... "He-Heeey... Shinozakiii... Kishunuuumaaa..." Raising her head, staring, stari—

"A-AHHH!"

She knocked back into the door, her foot making a _ssqgush_ sound as it squished a... a sheet of paper. Gently Mayu pulled it from her sticky shoe and read over it. A number of the words had been painted over in a sickly shade of crimson, and her hands got so wet trying to get it off her sole...

She made out one phrase safely. Just one, before looking up with a pule. "N-Noooo..."

The dismembered corpse of a young girl lay out in front of her, hands down and legs spread out. Flesh and skin hung akimbo, the fresh scent of rot thick among the many holes where maggots and small buzzing pests swarmed. The vacant blue eyes stared up toward the ceiling; what was left of a thoroughly-decomposing face stretched into a scream. Glistening fingers clutched the floorboards and as they neared the wooden edges they ran pulpier, redder, fleshier.

Beside her, a curled-up body rested, as if... neglected.

It was what lay on top of her—like a centerpiece—that caught Mayu's attention. At first she had assumed that the unfortunate's clothes were twisting rags having been tossed around by the shifting of worms, but the man bent over her altered the meaning of some discarded cloth.

He sat proudly, form still clamping hard enough down on her to pin himself upright even after death. His own clothes fell tattered, discarded morsels of rotting black. His head hung over hers, a sagging, smug grin upon his lips, one of his hands fitted about the neck—a bruised neck squeezed hard enough to resemble an hourglass.

 **Tim l*st his mind an* *aped me a*terw*ds**

Mayu sunk to the floor in a daze. Her head swam, eyes reflecting crimson to a grand scale.

 **Oh man! That was crazy intense**

 **I don't feel like reading out what the bloodstained message #4 said but I think you can get the gist of it hahahahaahhhhhhhhh**

 **I trust that was scary or creepy or even just mildly unsettling, man it's been awhile since I wrote gruesome horrorness**

 **that was fun but sort of in a bad way pffbfbbb**

 **Who's Tim? Who's Zoey? Who's Elijah? And of course who's the writer? Llana's the writer... I guess? It's loosely based off of their story (which has nothing to do with this one, they're all OCs xD) but then it takes a left turn hahahaha**

 **So uh... enjoy? XD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	4. Warm and Cold Voices

**I TAKE REQUESTS!  
**

 **So after that super dark last chapter I was like hey let's write the exact opposite of that**

 **though I guess that's sort of what the chapters before the super dark chapter were like, haha... not completely, but, uh, sort of?**

 **Well this is just gonna be an unhealthy conglomeration of death and not death so**

 **This is another AFTER HH chapter. It's more just me rambling shippy feels cuz who doesn't want that right hahaha**

 **you can consider it canon if you want to but if you're against the ship you don't have to**

 **it's whatever xD**

After Host

4: Warm and Cold Voices

 _Ayumi_

The trail is spongy beneath our feet, squishing with the weight of old rain. Smells like old dog in the air. A gloppy, insatiable tang. Not exactly pristine, uh? Not the kind of place you'd take your girlfriend out for a spin. Not the kind of place you'd really think of visiting at all. At least _wait_ , right? It was pouring just hours ago.

You'd think, if anything, I'd be more patient. Either of us. Hah.

One hand casually lopes to my side; he snatches my palm, his long fingers squeezing. "You look mad."

"I'm not mad," I mumble, pouting. He's so _blunt_. And he's _wrong_ , what, _half_ the time. "It just smells funny here." I wrinkle my nose at him; he mirrors it back.

Drawing his sharp blue gaze back, he makes a grimace. "Well if you're not mad, you should try to smile more often."

He's one to talk. " _You_ first," I offer, sticking out the edge of my tongue.

Our feet make all sorts of squishy sounds in the muck.

Yoshiki's gaze bounces back onto me. Still not smiling. "Hah. You think you're so funny." It's a soft remark, one intended sharp and coming out dull. Most of the things he says these days are like that. The _bad_ boy, they called him, _delinquent_ ; his hard shell remains as imposing as it was before... but it's without support. A shadow of a snarl.

He's a big _softy_. Pff, no, not really.

Sometimes.

"Noooo, that's what _you_ think, Yoshiki."

A quick grin dimples my face and I can't get another word out without his hand grazing my chin, his big dumb smile breaking free and his forehead bumping against mine. What a _dork_.

"Stop being so cute..." His lips prick my forehead.

I damn love dorks.

There's nobody else at the park, not with all the rain stinking things up. Honestly, I wasn't going anywhere either until he had to show up and get me outside. My slicker's hard on my body, wet and cold and rubbery and whenever I rub against it there's this shrieking _squeee!_ of disharmony. And then there's him, and his jacket's got bullet holes of rain thick down in it, and the same fingers that cup my chin shiver every so often.

It's easy to get nervous about it. I glance one way, another, wary, and then I grab his arms and pull him closer, _then_ I hug him, then I kiss him.

When I close my eyes like that, I go weightless. It's like I'm there again for handfuls of seconds, like we never really left, like we're still stuck and Yui's gone to go look for Naomi after she screamed and then Yui's gone and then we go out and then Ma—Mayu...

Yoshiki breaks off. His expression is soft, quiet. Little sparks of pain reflect in his gaze. "God _dammit_." His voice a rasp over his words. "Why the _hell_ does it _al_ ways go to that."

"You're..." I pause, thinking, stumbling over myself. "You're right. Why _does_ is always go to that!" My hands pull back. "I'm! _No_! Not this time!" With a weak laugh, I pull back, and then I slip and I move and I'm turning. "Catch me!" I go faster, faster, and then I toss over my shoulder, "That is"—between breaths—"if you— _caaaann!_ "

He lets out a stubborn shout. "What th—OI! AY—AYUMI! GET BACK HERE!"

There's enough trees and little ponds and rocks and all scattered around that I lose him a lot faster than I thought I would. Anyone sporting ears could make out his troubled panting, his loud feet slapping into the soil, his shouting. When I know he's gone off yelling I unclasp the hand from my mouth and let out a small, wheezing laugh, shaking my head, twisting the smile on my face.

It's stupid, that's what. And therefore it's hilarious.

Every single stupid incident that's occurred since Heavenly Host is hysterical.

I stay stationed behind one particularly hefty-looking tree, low boughs, a supple trunk that looks enough to cover me if I stand very still behind it. Yoshiki's off tripping over every last rock in existence. I've got all the time in the world. I mean, he's _himself_ , he gets so mad so fast...

That used to... bother me. A lot. I let that be a barrier. His anger. But I guess it makes sense: of _course_ he was upset a lot of the time. His parents disowned him. He lived in an apartment by himself, had to work a _lot_ to keep it. He had no friends, no ties—not to anyone, not to anything.

That doesn't... make him bad, though. I've—I've _seen_ bad, believe me.

If anything, he's sweet. It's nothing like Satoshi, not that sort of boyish charm that gets people flocking, not all that likeable... but he _is_ sweet. It's the sort of sweet that catches him wrapping his jacket around you when you're cold, slowly giving into your complaints, the only one listening when everyone else didn't... care. But only when you most need him to.

Then I feel sort of bad about running off like that but I also mostly don't.

"hh _hhhHHAH!_ "

Hand on my shoulder. I jolt back, squeaking, but he's a lot stronger than I am. I almost faceplant into the mud for a second there but he's keener too, quick to steady me, quick to hold me.

"Daammn... You're..." Deep, warm, rasping breaths. "You're _fast_... Ayumi..." Wheezes melt into small, throaty chortles. He's shaking his head, staring above my head at the tree. "Not... Nnnn _nn_ ot again, oh... _hell_ no...

Then his eyes go level with mine. "What the hell was that for?"

I drag my eyes up above _him_ , then. "If you don't get it, then you really are just a blunt jackass." And I stare up at the sky.

"What—He—Heeeeyyy—"

"BASTARD!" I cry, leaping out of his grip and stumbling back around the foliage. With a heaving, worn-out swear, I can make out the flopping footsteps of reluctance as he follows anyways. The air's colder, frostier. I almost see my breath in the air, little faint puffs up ahead.

Suddenly my feet go out from in front of me. I skitter and shriek and fall and the world pitches: cold, wet, miserable all around me.

Dark, and then nothing.

 _Yoshiki_

What an ass, right? I swear. She is the _biggest_ ass out there.

I must be a really sorry loser if I can't help but fall in love with asses. But that's it. I love _her_.

Fucking hate her sometimes too. _Never_ thinks before she does a _single_ thing. Complete instinct. Gonna kill herself one of these days.

Oh _wait._ She already _has_. Hundreds of _times_.

Actually, I don't wanna think about that. It feels kind of nice but it's also a little more heavy than I'd like. And... well, I still love her. It's not like some faucet of gushing emotion I can just turn off whenever the hell I feel like it.

That'd make things a lot easier.

"AYUMI! WHERE ARE YOU!" I'm out of breath and anyone can hear it. Not that I stop. Dammit. "C-COME... COME ON! WHY THE HELL ARE... ARE YOU..." I bite my tongue and yelp. Loudly. _Dammit_. " _DO_ ING THIS! GOODDDDDDAMMIT!"

It just so perfectly happens that as I yell that last part I trip over a rock and land on my butt. Digs into my skin. It's fucking sharp.

Doesn't help my mood. Panting and yelling and cursing a whole damn lot, I pull myself to my feet and start jogging again anyways. My side lights up like fire, sweat smearing my mucky face. Yeah, it was a terrible idea to bring her here. Why'd I do that—Oh, I _dunno_ , maybe because I didn't go to con _sid_ er the likelihood of her pulling some _shit_ like this.

She's always got some stupid idea she has to go and get out of her system. My _God_ , does she even _think_? Why is she running around like thi—

 _KERCHCHP._

Oof. I wince, my eyes wandering. Don't see anything but you never know. "Aaaayumi..?" I venture. It's as quiet as it was before the sound. Did someone... fall? Oh, shit, did _she_? Well of _course_ she did I mean who the hell else is out in this goddamn weather.

Somewhere beneath all my sweat and my sleeves, a chill cuts deep down into my skin. I feel my teeth clattering and scowl, forcing them shut. Bleached curls of hair fall around my eyes and make them itch, blocking off select pieces of my vision. Sickly trees spin around me. Mobs of leaves trickle through the air, fat and wet and... dying.

There's this funny mushy noise as I step through them, that and mud all muddied up as one. Freakishly still. No other footsteps outside of my own.

Damn, it's cold. I can almost see my breath. What the... hell..?

"Ayumi!" It shoots through the fronds, through the green. No answer. Never an answer. Never when you need her. " _AYUMI!_ COME _BACK!_ " There's this stupid whimper in my mouth as I mumble, " _Please_." Dammit, stop scaring me like this...

Oh. Oh, what's that? It's like... a whistle, sort of. A really bad whistle.

I speed up. Stay quiet. More a whisper than a whistle. A voice, certainly. Someone else.

She's never quiet. Or at least, not... usually. Nngh, I'd rather not consider the possibilities of why she'd be s—

" _sssssssssssss_ stop it."

Well shit. Sure sounds promising, huh.

The foliage thins out until I'm in a clearing. Cool grass, white... sky. There's a dewy tinge to everything. Light catches where it normally wouldn't.

Of course, none of this holds my attention for very long as there is a _girl_ sitting in the midst of it. A girl sporting a bloody knee and a murderous stare and it's all right up in my face.

"A-Ayumi—"

"Nnngh! I said _stop_ it! I—Hey!" Her hands go flying as she falls onto her back with a _thumph_. Her head knocks on a rock and blood goes dripping through her indigo hair, splattering it a nasty, bruised shade of purple. She has yet to notice. Eyes wide and consuming the sky above her, she hiccups dazedly. "I _hate_ you!" Sitting up suddenly. "I HATE YOU! LET GO NOW, YOU—RRHHHGHHH!"

One bared palm slaps at the empty air, the other a fist in her skirt pocket. Slowly, methodically, her face distorts, frown deepening, pupils widening until the distance between them is remarkably sickening.

I let out a short breath. My movements are slow, truncated, as I trudge closer. She hardly bats an eye my way, probably doesn't even catch it going on. It's like she's trapped in her own personal glass box and all she sees are reflections of whatever the hell it is going on in that head of hers.

 _Hers_. No, it's not... that's not her.

A small sigh edges my lip. My fingers flex at my sides but I know—oh, at this point I _know—_ there's no use fighting it. Nothing _to_ fight. I might as well be an insignificant piece of gum stuck on the bottom of a shoe, not even her shoe but one on the other side of the world.

I swallow. Bite at my lip.

It always... freaks me out a little.

But it's whatever. I only know of one surefire way to get her back.

And that's the thing. I don't really get a say. I love her and... well, that's that. Gotta help her, or whatever.

While she's busy paying me absolutely no attention, I ram into her and pull her into an embrace. She's cold, wet, smells like muck. Her form is small in my arms, always so... small, to me. Her wide, transfixed eyes pucker and she lets out a wild scream, surging and yelling and hissing at something I can't even see.

My fingers cup tenderly around that spot on the back of her head. It's started drying, slowed flowing. Not by much, though.

My warm breath on her ear. "Please come back... Ayumi." Probably can't hear me. Ah well.

Her body gives away quietly, in such a way that I wouldn't notice if I hadn't seen it so many times before. It starts with a tug, with a gasp as I yank her over a shoulder and set off, one hand still gentle over the spot on her head. She grows lighter the longer I go on. Maybe it's the fact that I'm there or... maybe the spirit's a little one. A kinder one.

A kinder child than the ones we've seen. It sounded... very young. Very sad. But not... malevolent.

We didn't see a lot of kind spirits before. I'm sure there are some. It's just... you can't help it when you're at Heavenly Host. You can't. So much suffering, so much pain. All that death. It'd drive anyone mad. Hell, it drove Sachiko mad, and... I mean, honestly, she's gotta be one of the toughest cookies I know. And she's _herself_.

Ayumi's safely drooling on my shoulder by the time I reach a bench. It's soaking, so I hold her and bear it all by myself. She takes her sweet time. I'm quiet mostly, just... holding her.

God, I'd look like such a weirdo if anyone else was around.

Yeah, it was my idea to go outside in the rain, but... I-I don't know. She likes it outside. Likes the peace, the quiet, whatever. Not the people. God, never the people. We went to the mall once because Seiko was talking up these pretzels and I actually had to take her back home, she could not stop... seething. It was scary, in a way.

She's not good with people anymore. Pff... isn't that funny, how our... roles have flipped.

I think about it, as I clutch her closer. Hell, I would've quit school altogether had she not been there for me... all of a sudden helping me, changing my life and uplifting it in a way I never could've imagined on my own. The teachers loved her, the student body loved her. She freaked people out a little with that whole thing with the occult but... they still loved her, that's the thing.

She's always been such a damn good person. I remember when she cried—when she gave that little speech out of nowhere for me, trying to get me to go through school anyways, even if my life did suck—or whatever... It's not like I've eclipsed that sort of magnitude—no way in hell—but she can't stand being in the presence of... of _anyone_ anymore.

So it all rides on me.

Heh. I used to think she was too good for me, a little bit. But she's actually an asshole so it's alright.

Well, no. Not completely. Not as much as I am.

I like that, though. That she's not perfect. Makes her feel more... endearing.

"Nnn..." Oh, well, speaking of. She shifts back from around me and winces, one of her fingers gingerly inspecting the hole in her head. Her fingers touch mine and she bristles, face hot. "Y-Yoshiki..! Why are you..."

"Why are _you_ running around like a maniac? Like, what the hell, Ayumi!"

She loses what serene fragments remained on her face. "Hey! You cut me off!"

"I _would_ like to know why—"

"I _heard_ you!" she cries, "okay, I _heard_ you! Why can't you listen to me first! I asked first! What are we _doing_ here?"

My lip twists into a scowl. "Because you got possessed again, that's why!" Always yelling, huh. It's... funny, in a way. I guess when people yell at each other it's supposed to be a bad thing but... I dunno. It lets me be honest with her. _Bastard_.

"O—Ohhh..." Her features slump. Her head falls to cradle in a hand. "Oh..." Quietly. "He-Heheheh..." Such shy laughter. "It _always_ goes back to that, huh... You _say_ it won't and you _try_ to fight it and it... and it still... it _still..._ "

She's obviously holding back tears. My throat pinches. "H-Hey... you're okay." The wound isn't so bad. We both know she's suffered much worse. "Wait." It sinks in. "Did— _no..._ You didn't."

A shard of a valiant grin makes its way onto her face. "I _did_." Her ocean blue eyes brighten crudely as she watches me realize.

"You do all that running to _distract_ me?" My _God_ , Ayumi. You really don't think. "To distract me from that school!" That's so fucking stupid. "YOU THINK THAT'S JUST GONNA GET ME TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!"

"YES!" she screeches, her face alive with color, "I DO THINK SO!" A pause, and her face melts, and her breath hitches. "No... No, wait, no I don't... it didn't work in the end, I—I still..." Her gaze sinks to the space of bench between us. "I still... got possessed. Like—Like it never... stopped happening." Her lip trembles slightly; she flinches.

Ahhh... "Ayumi..." She must feel the longing in my tone. Her eyes twitch up toward mine again. A pout's solid on her lips. "I'm okay. Seriously. It doesn't... bother me that much." Anymore. Not like it bothers her, at least. She... needs to stop doing things like this. "Don't do stuff like that. It freaks me out."

"I thought you were a _delinquent_ ," she mumbles, carefully enunciating it.

I smirk. "That's true. I was."

"Nnnngh." She kicks a little at the ground. "Delinquents do stuff like that all the time..." Her heart's not in it, though. She's out, eyes fluttering, lids falling.

So when I lean against her, she gratefully takes her spot beside me. "We could... watch a movie, or... play a board game, or... something."

Her eyes roll. "Play a _board_ game... I haven't done that in years, Yoshiki... Psshhh... that's so stupid..." A hand runs mindlessly through her hair until she reaches a bloody knot. Then she pauses, her pale face contemplating, and slowly pulls her stained hand out. Lets it sit on the bench. I put mine on top of hers and she pointedly stares in the other direction.

Fucking love her.

" _Saaaatoshi_ wouldn't think it's stupid." My reminder isn't one she enjoys hearing.

Hand clenching, she mutters, "Of _course_ he wouldn't. Sweet, sweet Satoshi... Ah, God, he'd probably smother me if I..." draws off, gaze vacant.

"Well, you didn't," I murmur.

We're not always loud. It's quiet sometimes.

"What a good thing I didn't too. Instead of the sweetheart I got stuck with the asshole."

Oh, of _course_. "I'm the one stuck with the asshole."

She sticks out her tongue. "Nuh-uhhh."

Before she gets a chance to say anything else, I cup her cheek and force her into a kiss.

We end up going to my apartment and we watch a movie. One of those stupid kid ones, with the animations and all the color. We clean out her hair, bandage the wound. It's nothing deep, at least. She changes into some of my clothes—without asking—since hers are a miserable wreck.

She spends a good ten minutes hunting out those little cocoa powder things in the packages.

It's warm. On the couch, under the blankets with her. Her stupid cocoa spilling when she falls asleep. I think I do too at some point, because in between little dark snippets of time I am sure little wrappers of pop-tarts pile up on the floor by Ayumi's feet.

And she shifts, too. Her body closer to mine, curled up against me.

 **I like the ending it's so cute xD it's so stupid I love it xD**

 **haha, that was kind of dark in places though... but light at the same time. You can imagine what sort of spirit possessed Ayumi... x.x Heh, I didn't describe it all that much to let the reader think about what its story might be, if that has to do with the rest of the chapter... I dunno, insert thematic plot things that english teachers sure do love here xD**

 **ayushiki's sweet**

 **I like how they call each other assholes**

 **that doesn't sound romantic but in a way it almost is, like their little... stupid nicknames xD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	5. Visit

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **I'm just gonna apologize again for this delay, ahhh, I know I haven't been posting any chapters and I'm sorry . I explain what happened in chapter 3...**

 **anyways uh more shippy stuff cuz shippy stuff is happy**

 **also yay for cp characters that haven't shown up yet**

After Host

5: Visit

 _Seiko_

"Naaaomi-taaaaaannn," I crow, the cell phone hot against my skin, "Are you busy?"

Lying with my back against my bed, I watch as the ceiling fan lazily draws by. It's low-key stifling in here, but it's not quite stifling. Nearly reaches a point, though. Nehhh, if Yuu and I still shared a bed then he would be complaining so much right now. Nothing he would understand... but now I miss those dumb younger days sometimes.

He doesn't need his big sister getting all weird and protective on him now, though. He's grown up so much.

"You know I'm not, Seiko." Ahhhhh, I am graced with her sweet, succulent voice. "Sei—Hey! Seiko! Don't make noises like that! It's creepy!"

Rolling my eyes to the top of my head, I let out a low giggle. "Huuhuuhuuuuuuu... Naooomiii..."

She's not amused, but she's also not here to smack me so she's gonna have to live with it. "I'll e-end this call if you keep doing that! You know I will!"

"I know you _won't_ ," I remind her, flicking a hand toward the ceiling. Softly giggling, quieter, quieter. "You aren't ignoring your schoolwork again, are youuuuu? You can't come over if you're bein' a dummy! Oh, unless you need a study buddy! Huuhuuuu!"

Naomi scoffs lightly. "Seikooo... nobody gets their work tidied up as quickly as you do, hmmmh... So responsible! You have three younger siblings and a working father and... still." She hushes up. "Seiko, you're amazing, you know that?"

"Nawwww, don't mention it," I murmur. She knows how... much it means to me to... hear it. "And I bet you're just sayin' that to try and divert me from the fact that youuuu haven't got your work all tidied up and stuff, huh!" Yep, that's annoyance in her grunt if I've ever head it.

"I am _not_! Why do you have to be so responsible? It's... so weird! You don't even look the part!" She's all sputtery now. I kinda wish I was there so I could see the look on her face, awww.

I giggle again. "Naaomiiii..." It's funny, the habits that stick from back then. I remember after another Host loop, back when I'd still be dead or someone else or another... Naomi always gave up. She wouldn't do anything. And she hates it but I gotta keep her from stopping again. That's no good.

Sourly laughing, she turns back on me. "What if the school knew what happened to all of us? What if... they actually knew about it? What then? Would they _ssstop_ giving us so much homework? My God, I can't focus on math when I haven't thought about it in who even knows how long..."

"Naomi, don't think like that!" I chastise, my voice light. "Did you know that Sachiko's greatest weakness is reciting the parabola's formula? If _only_ you studied harder before w—"

"Seeeikoooooooo!" she cries. "Shut uuuuup! We both know that's not true! Ugh, I'm coming over there and I'm telling _you_ who's—" _clikk_. And there you go. She hun— _ended_ the call on me. I grin stupidly at the ceiling, watching the fan turn as leisurely as it had before, stirring up dust motes. Doesn't even register the fact that I did it again. Heh. Of course it doesn't, but you know.

I think sometimes she just uses the junk I say as an excuse to come over, though. Is that what she tells her mom? That I acted the pervert again and she absolutely must show me that I have sinned and for my actions must... must suffer _divine punishment_? Naomi's not very good at that.

Maaaan, why didn't we think of this before? I can't go over to her house all that often because of my siblings and who knows what they'll need but that's not a reason to keep her from showing over here. And since Yuu has his own bed now... I mean technically she has the space to—

 _DURHMM._

Oof. I cringe, sitting up. "Oh, hey Yuu. Whatcha doin', slamming the door like that? Did it hurt your feelings?"

Ahh, man, he looks a little upset, his kid face pinched up and his nose sniffling. "Noo! Onee-chaaaan, you don't have to say stupid things like that all the time!"

Oh. Um. _Well_.

He plops himself onto my bed and I dangle my legs over the end of the mattress. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Something... sad happened, for sure, though I can't... really say what it was.

Yuu's quiet for a second. His eyes wander over the mattress on the other side of the room. There's another bundled by the door, blankets spilling off the bedspread. Our youngest siblings are still so small and Dad's gotta save money somehow, heh... That used to be us, when we were their ages.

"Onee-chan..." I turn to Yuu. His dark eyes are trembling. "You were talking to Naomi onee-chan again, weren't you..."

"Heheh. Yeah, I was. What's wrong? Are you jealous... or something?" I giggle, shaking my head. "Nyeheheh... Maybe not jealous. Ohhh, Yuuuu..." Lost his gaze again... "What's wrroooong? You can tell me, you know I won't go telling on you or anythiiing."

He pouts. "S-Stop being like that. Let me..." A demure smile catches my grin and I cover my lips, giggling quietly. It's cute. But I'm trying to respect his plea, heh. No, I mean it. I am...

"Why're you always talking to her now? You didn't do that before the—before your culture festival! I mean... it's weird... Now she's here all the time..." Oh, Yuu. You weren't crying about this, were you?

But I play along with him. It'll only make him all snappy if I try to get his story out now. "Well, she means a lot to me. You know I always used to talk about her before, too... Naomi's been my best friend for years. I just..." Haaaah, insert Host here, right? Man, we should come up with some sorta code word for it. To help... appease the public? Gaah, that sounds too weird. "A lot of things happened that night. I mean a... lot."

I've considered telling him. It's not like the world would end if I did. I know that... most everyone's families wouldn't really get it... Ayumi-chan's gone low-key psycho about hers and Yoshiki's are still doing the whole thing about disowning him. Naomi's lost a piece of what she had with her mom...

But I... I mean, I love my family, alright? I get that not all of us grow up and good homes—I don't even... I mean... _Mom_...  
I understand. I do. But that doesn't mean I just don't care about them.

Yuu nudges at me. "Seeikooo... I mean... What happened? You keep saying that a lot of stuff happened, but you never say what. Like you... Do you want me to _guess_?" His face puckers, his little angry mask. Kids don't wanna guess. Not this one, at least.

"Huuhuu..." I shake my head gently. "No, no. It's just something kind of huge and hard to understand."

"Oh _no_! D-Don't say it's one of those _things_ that I'll get when I'm _older_! Onee-chaaan! I'm sure I'm old enough now! Whaat, did you guys... did you..." He pulls his hands together in a pasty ball, shoving himself against my shoulder. Aww, he looks so... sad. He really wants me to trust him with this.

Naaaaaah... besides, how the heck am I supposed to tell him that I was killed, like, hundreds of times? "Awww, Yuu. It's not anything like that. It's just... weird and stuff." _Really_ weird and stuff. "Besides, this is about _you_. Why're you crying, you poooor thing?" As I gently bat at him, he ducks and scowls and tries not to let out an outrageous chortle. He knows I know he's ticklish and it actually doesn't matter but—whatever, Yuu. Heheh.

I lose his gaze again. "Nnnnnnh. If you won't tell me then why would I tell you?"

Oh... Oh _come on_. Don't _do_ this to me.

"Nnnnnnn!"

Quickly I grab his head and force my hand over him in the most severe noogie I've ever tried at. It's not as impressive as it sounds. It's certainly something to sneeze at to _Yuu_. C'mon, baaaabe...

Throwing himself back, he curls up and smushes into this pouting little crybaby. "Stop iiit..." Oh, Yuuu...

"C'mon. You look like you need someone to talk to about this." His stubborn dark eyes stumble toward me again, his hands clasped tightly around himself. I try to bump my foot against his as I fumble-scurry closer to him; and with a shudder, he scoots back, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Yuuuuuuuuu... Nawww, you can tell meee. I'm here. I'll listen. You know I will!" Goddd, he's so tenuous sometimes, so freaking... terse. It's annoying. Heheh.

Naomi's kinda stubborn like that too, when she's really in a tizzy over who knows what. It's all over the place, heh. She... got like that a lot back at Host.

Aaaand I don't like thinking about that so I think I'll stop.

"Onee-chaaaan! _You_ look sad! C-Come on! S-Stop being the strong one who, like, carries all of us!" He puffs his cheeks out and stares, his gaze smoldering, directly at me. It's like I've sinned or something, my God. Pff. Maybe to him I have. "You don't have to be like that all the time... nnnnnnn..." Kicking his little toes against the sheets.

Ahhh, what a cutie. "It's okay, Yuuu! Don't—Don't worry about me." Isn't that why I'm always on the phone with Naomi? With... any of them, really? I mean I can't _always_ pick on _her_. If that's any excuse, pahaha. "Really. A lot of things happened, but... it's getting better now.

God, we need to stop forcing the center of attention onto each other. I will end this trend by forcing it back onto him. "Seriously, though. What's up? You're the one gettin' all snotty up in here."

"Onee-chan..." Quieter this time, his face glassy, sullen. His head han— _rests_ , a hand futilely striving to prop it back up. "Nnnnnnh... it's nothing, really..."

"Pshhhh... You're tryna be cute and it's not workin'! Who cries about 'nothing, really'? Maaaan, riddle me that!" Oh, whatever. Pull that face if you so must. Now you're worrying me.

More fumbling on his part, and then he sucks in a brave breath. "So, ummmm... I was just... th- _thinking_ about yesterday, at... at _school_. When—"

"Yesterday was Saturday, babe." That's... _Yuu_.

"Gihhhh! O _kaaaayyy_! I-I heard you on the phone and I got mad!"

Oh. _Well._ That's... uhhhh, I can safely say that's not what I expected. "Whaddaya have against my pho—"

"Shhhhut up, Seiko! For _once_ in your life, don't do that!" He hardens himself, his shoulders lifting, the light on him shifting, till he... looks a lot older than he really is. Like he's matured. "I just... You didn't do that before, like _all_ the time now... and it's... it's _worrying_ me! Do you even remember Dad's surprise?"

My eyes weakly slide back. "Oh... yeah, yeah..." Heh. If I'm honest, I haven't thought of it. I don't even... remember what it is.

That must not be what Yuu's getting at cuz he tosses a raging sneer of disgust my way and angrily burrows his face into my shoulder. It's slick with snot, maybe tears too. "Seeiiko... You're..." His eyes flicker, darting toward mine and back again to my shoulder. He squeezes them shut tightly. It kinda looks like he's praying intensively. "It's not... you're not _slacking_. Or anything... You're still... You're still doing everything for us, you're always... there. But like... it's like you're not really there...

"And I..." A hiccup punctures his words to a slurring murmur. "I _miss_ you..."

This is the most perfect time for the door to bonk open and reveal Naomi, now isn't it. Haaaahhh... Her warm, chocolate eyes narrow in on my brother and I make a demure shrug that doesn't disturb his wet face so much. Glancing back between us, she eventually must deem the situation safe enough as she forces herself into the niche of bed territory directly on my right, her butt jammed in between me and the wall.

Pffffffffff... I just imagined how much easier it's be for Ayumi-chan to fit in that gap... Ohhhh, precious curveless Ayumi-chan...

"Hey, Yuu..." Naomi's lips purse as she tries at a wave, suddenly realizing Yuu's eyes are still shut and he therefore can't see her and probably didn't even know she was here, uh, again, until just now.

With a burst of pressure, he slams back and grabs a bundle of blankets to hurriedly dry his face in. "Na-Naoooomi onee-chaaaaan! Y-You didn't say you were coming!"

I snort. "You must've not been listening _that_ good then! She said she was!" Oh wait. He'd only hear my side of our phone conversation. Oh yeah. Well I guess never mind then. I stare sheepishly at my lap.

Nobody else really picks up on this since they're busy being emotional human beings.

With a sigh, Naomi pushes against me. Her head falls into the nook at my shoulder and I try to be as still as possible so I may enjoy the notion to the fullest extent. "Seiko... you need to think before you do something stupid..."

"Hehehhhh..." It's hard to think when this is going on but—but if I say that then she'll stop.

Heeey. I _do_ think. When it's pertinent.

This is of course when Yuu pipes up again. "Naomi onee-chaaaan, why'd you start showing up all the time after the culture festival spe-specifically?!" His words are slowly and methodically swallowed up by stutters. "Li-Liiike! Like wh-hyyyy theeenn-nnnn! Sei-Seiko won't tel-tell meeee! Nnnnnnng!" He swallows after that maybe to try and clear his sputter and everybody can hear it and it gets a little awkward there.

From her place by my shoulder, we share a funny glance. In her eyes are a question and I try to affirm.

"Okay then. Okaayyyy..." Yuu jolts back to stare at me. Pff, he probably thought Naomi was gonna talk since I've been so uncooperative lately. "Let me tell you a story, Yuu. It's got all kinds of spooky things in it and if you believe none of it then that's all on you."

Now to tell the events of utter hell in the most child-friendly way possible.

"Wait wait waaaa _iiiiiiit_!"

I choke. "Wh-Wha—Wa..." As Yuu abruptly stands, I fall into a small coughing fit. Naomi gently presses against me, her lips at my ear, and then I flush and then I'm deathly quiet as she murmurs, "Are you sure about this?" to me.

"Well... I care about them. You know that." My grin twists. I feel it falling away. Heh... when I lose it, I lose it. And that's it. "And I won't... tell them about the really bad stuff. Just... heh. I'll make it hard to believe. You'll see. Just... uh, we'll figure it out."

"So we're making up a figment of... of _that place_ in a much gentler version of the original tone. And we're doing this all as we go." She never trusted anything. Heh, _geez_ , Naomi.

Bahh, what can I say? "It'll be fun!"

She rolls her eyes in a sweet and teasing whirl. I nudge against her and she does the same back and quickly, quickly, before my _very_ open and _very_ telling brother comes back, my lips brush against hers and leave me in a welcome rush of dizzying heat.

Heh...

"Did you reaaaally do your homework?" I whisper as I lean into her, like it's her very most scandalous secret.

Naomi's cheeks pink. "Ummmm... D-Don't ask that right now... I-I still have the time to finish it tonight. God, Seiko, that's what normal people do anyways...

She suddenly pauses. "I—ahhh! I-I! I'm sorry! I-I-I don't mean it that way—I..." Swallowing, she shakes her head hard. "You—You're not... an outcast or a-anomaly or... or _any_ of those things..."

Oh... oh. "Naomi, i-it's okay! It didn't... really register with me. Heheh..." I press my head against hers and she sighs softly, relief leaving her smooth and gentle, her skin supple, her body warm.

Her hands rest at a suitably far position in the small of my back. Far, far away from my neck. People can't... touch me there anymore. It hurts too much. Any touch, any feather-light touch, a loving kiss, a gentle brush, any and all is too much.

We unwind carefully as the clatter of the door struts into the air again. Yuu strides in, his head held high, his hand trailing with the weight of that of one sibling, their hand trailing with the weight of that of the other.

"Story?" one voices. I grin meekly.

"Yeaah, why not. Let's just all listen to Seiko's Spooky Story." But not... not that spooky.

The little ones circle around us and Yuu resumes his position wedged up against me. Kei, one of the littles, takes this moment to wad his finger all the way up his nose.

I note that gleam in Naomi's gaze, the hand not squeezing mine waving lightly toward my siblings. Kei unsticks his hand and waves back. Oh, that precious smile on her lips... She always... wanted to be a mom.

Heh. I consider myself lucky she's considered me at all.  
But Naomi wouldn't say it like that. It's not how she thinks. Not of... us.

"Aaalllllrighty then! All abooooaaard the Storymobile! Nyahaaaa..."

Naomi snorts, nudging my shoulder. "Seiko, that's so..." and she trails off, like she can't quite say it. What a cute smile working up on her lips, though. Heehee.

My other sibling—Aya—gets all jumpy. Her hair flops into Kei's face and a few strands stick to his snotty finger and I decide to ignore it for now because there are some things kids're gonna do whether you tell them _no_ or don't.

As I perk up again, the others noticeably lean in. My heart suddenly makes itself known in my chest and I let out a quiet wheeze. Oh God. "Soooooo... once upon a time"—my breath hitches—I shoulder past it—swallow—"there was this girl." Alright. Um. So far so great. "She was a pretty happy girl. She had a little too much power, cuz she was a _magic_ girl"—I'm... I'm not gonna even try to explain that crazy Shinozaki curse thingy, so, uh, yeah, Sachiko gets to be _magic girl_ —"and she and her family were all happy and magical, and then... she lost her mom. It was a sad thing.

Let's not mention the part where the principal chases her down the stairs and she dies. She just... She just _passes on_. Okay. Alright. "Our happy girl wasn't happy anymore. She was... in a lot of pain." I can see the trembling glimmer in my brother's gaze and it hits me, suddenly— _we_ lost our mom. Now it... Now it sounds like _I'm_...

Noting my stumble, Naomi pulls through. Heh, bless her soul... "She was so... sad... that her grief overtook her. And it's that grief that controlled her magic powers, not she any longer. She became so upset with what happened that her grief-controlled magic powers took over for her. She accidentally hurt a lot of people.

"One day, a group of happy friends tried to make a spell so that they could be friends forever... since one of their friends was moving." Oh, Mayu... oh, babe. "It was supposed to bind them together, but they accidentally missed an important part of the spell without realizing, and the magic girl found them because of their failure. She put the friends through a lot... of pain. W-We mean... a lot of pain. But then _she_ was in a lot of pain as well..." Letting out a small breath, my Naomi's tender face glazes over and she turns toward me.

It's in her eyes. She's... remembering all that stuff, huh. Heh. It's a little... easier for me to pull those glass shards up and out of me, to talk about them, to edge upon them, than it is the others. I throw around Host like it's another word, but...

Sucking in a breath, I start up again. "Everyone got trapped in Magic Girl's magic castle. Two friends were... trapped in the same area." Okay... okay... come on, I can... "Even... when they got really hurt and did stupid things to each other, they still stuck together. Still... ummmmm... _hung_ on." _Hah_.

I bet nobody but Naomi gets what I did. She bursts into a whimper, quivering, and slaps her hands over her face. I wrap an arm around her and swallow, weakly, and we're all quiet for a moment, heads bowed.

We hung on, huh. Well I guess _I_ did. Pff—God, that's so awful... and Naomi hates that word so much and _there_ I _go_.

"It's okay though. They made it out and found their friends eventually, but it... took a really long time. They uh. They hung on for a long time." At this point what's stopping me. "They found a way to break Magic Girl's spell, but it required that all of them were present to break it, so it... uhhh, it took a... very... _very_ long time. Since the spell was magic, though, it didn't look like it took as long as it did." Man, how messed up is that, right? Doesn't even sound right, but I'd... rather not go into specifics.

I finish out. "So they broke the spell and... saved Magic Girl from her suffering. Yeah." There you go. Completely inaccurate.

Aya glances up and in her huge, trembling little girl voice asks, "Magic Girl has no naaaame?"

Ah come on. "Sachi...ko?" I don't freaking know. Go ahead. Take it.

"Maaaan, that's not right at all..." Yuu mumbles. Lifting his gaze, he turns his head to an angle and pouts. "Onee-chaaan, did you make out with Naomi onee-chan at a haunted house?"

"Wha-Whaa—Wahahh—" Haunted _house_? Where did that—

Naomi, wiping back a couple little tears—I giggle weakly—answers for me. "Sure. At the culture festival we got locked into a haunted house and Seiko kissed me. And that's why I keep coming over."

Kei's mouth drops wide open. "Cootiessssss!"

"Wh-Why would they have cooties?" sputters Aya. "They're both _girls_!"

"Ohhh... ohhhhhh..." Kei's face sort of falls after that.

Yuu grins a little feebly, probably thinking he figured out the whole story, and... I end up giving him a dumb nod. If he wants... I mean, sure. Go ahead. It doesn't explain why my Delinquent Friend, as they call him when they think he's not listening, crashes over here sometimes, or why Naomi's old crush isn't Naomi's old crush anymore. It doesn't explain why Mayu now lives with Ayumi-chan and not her own family.

Nah. But they're kids. They gotta color in the blanks somehow.

It's okay if they can't see it how it happened. Heh, I think that's how love is: letting them do that. It's certainly not anything I could explain for myself.

 **That was... hard! Wow, I've never written in Seiko's voice before at all... certainly nothing so bold as _this_ here xD I've done things with Mayu and Ayumi and Yoshiki and some of the others too before but... not really Seiko... nothing prepared me for this xD**

 **feel free to criticize Seiko's pov if you think it doesn't suit her at all! I just ask that you also add where you think I went wrong so I can improve on her ^^**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	6. Forgot Mercy

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **This is so stupid but there's no goin back now**

 **it's another random fun chapter, I don't feel like doing plotty stuff right now xD maybe later xD**

After Host

6: Forgot Mercy

"Onii-chan! Oniiiiiii-chaaan!"

 _BURH! BURH! BURH!_

Little child-sized fists make large bullet-sized pounds against his door. The addressed brunette slowly pushes his head into his hands and yawns into his palms. Behind a lazily-half-shaded curtain peeks the moonlit sky, and through a shaft of lazily-poking light lies the face of a certain blonde upon a blow-up bed.

Annoyed enough, Satoshi lets out a grunt and kicks at the bed in question with a harmless socked foot. "C'monnnn..." He goes at it again and misses enough to teeter himself off-balance. The ugly crack of head on the edge of a wooden frame loudly pitches into the air; the blonde's mussy head peeks out of a hot layer of blankets.

"Whaah— _Saaa_ toshi, what the hell are y—"

He points without another thought of it at the door. Continued banging causes a sinister scowl to scribble over Yoshiki's face. "I... _why_..."

"I don't know..." Satoshi stares up blankly at the ceiling. A hand dives behind his head and his lip twists into a silent moue at the small, slick spill of blood. It's so late already and he's too tired to care but... but _still_... just _leaving_ it like that... nnnnh, but if he turns on the faucet he might wake up his mom or something, she gets so queasy these days whenever he's up at night... and she asks the oddest questions...

After another long moment, the brunette exhales for awhile through his nose. Once he's out of breath he inhales and repeats the process a good two more times. Then, "Yuka, go to bed."

Her gentle, muffled tone pours in through the door: "I caaaaaaan't!"

Sigh. "Why noooooottttt..." Soft brown eyes crinkle around the edges. Noting the apparent direction this conversation is going—as in nowhere—Yoshiki plops one of his pillows over his head and tries to go back to sleep, muttering a few choice words about the lack of consideration Satoshi harbors toward him.

"Because I can't beat my video gaaaame!"

Oh? That's a... new one. Satoshi stirs somewhat. "A video gaaaame? Yuka, since when did you play video gaaaaames?" Well, no, she's played a few, but as to how she is about toys, she could never keep her attention set on any one at a time. Heh... spoiled. Spoiled, perhaps, but still his sweet little sister all the same. And he does love her... mostly when she's not interrupting his sleep, but, well. It happens.

"I play them _now_! If you don't come in, I'll... I'll make you!"

She isn't very threatening on her own, but... _on her own_. His mom might make him do this for her if Yuka... freaking wakes her up...

He exhales through his nose again for some time. "Alright... but I'm not staying awake for that long. We have school tomorrow, don't forget." Grasping the edge of his own bed, Satoshi forces himself up. His eyes sputter toward Yoshiki's blow-up mattress and for a second he is so tempted to kick the bed again, force him up too.

But the moment passes, and so does Satoshi. A faint smile easing onto his face, he steps up to the door separating his and Yuka's rooms and gently knocks. Her pounding follows, excitedly fast. His grin widens despite the exhaustion creeping just outside of his vision: the throbs of blurry dark things in shadow, the dull aching in his head.

Gently he turns the knob and peeks through the crack in the door. "Hey, Yuka." A purple iris meets his brown and a giggle mirrors him. Man, she'd finally gotten used to sleeping on her own again and here they are now. At the edge of her cornea, the faint flickering of what has to be a device's light shifts over as ghostly white.

He enters. Steps on a couple stuffed animals making his way through her room—just as extensive and just as messy as it always has been before. Something about the lack of change forces his smile to wrench a little more. As she follows up behind him, he snags her hand and squeezes it. "Yuka, if you're up this late, wouldn't you want to... turn on the lights?" He winces as the cloak of night leeches over them. It's worse, somehow, alone in a room with her.

Maybe it's because he didn't often encounter Yoshiki in creepy dark rooms back the—

Yuka's little fingers tighten around his as she works her way toward her computer. Upon approaching her dinky little desk, she turns and waits as her older brother takes his place on her wheel chair and she hops onto his lap.

"Heh... You're heavy, Yuka," he murmurs over her head.

She pouts, and he can see it through the reflection on her desktop's dark, sleek surface. " _You're_ heavier, onii-chaaaan..." her voice light, her smile small.

He snorts, his expression warm. "Really." His eyes begin to wander the screen of the game—so much black... A white pixelated figure dances around on top of a box-looking thing—what else would it be, a square?—with a red heart contained within it. Yuka points vaguely at some of the buttons and displays what happens as the guy on her screen stops dancing and sends quite the array of funny button things toward her.

They resemble... bones? Like... cartoon bones? That doesn't resemble a game his little sister would play...

"So what are you... stuck on, exactly?" More like, uh, what's his purpose in sacrificing sleep and being... here?

Yuka doesn't look back toward him until she's successfully dodged all of the bones. It makes him oddly nervous. "Moral support! I know you couldn't do this if I asked you to, onii-chan!" Oh... Should he be insulted or—"That's not the point, anyways! This boss is really scary and he says mean things sometimes so I wanted you to be here too! He's really hard!"

"Oh... um..." So... maybe he could fall asleep now, and... she won't notice? Nnnh, maybe... he's already so tired as it is...

Satoshi's head slopes and teeters and eventually lands roughly on top of Yuka's. She lets out a small squeak and shoves her gaze back at the computer screen only to watch her avatar shatter into a number of pieces. "Onii-chaaaaan...!" she softly cries, "onii-chaaaaaaaaannn..! You're making me looooose..! D-Don't do sudden things like that, you... you dummy!"

Her last point is loud enough to jolt him up again. "Buh? What are you talki—"

"Shhhhhhhh!" she hisses. Pale, dainty fingers sputter over the desktop's mouse as she restarts her last session of the game and returns to the battle at hand. The dancing guy starts his story all over again. Satoshi, with a groan of noncompliance, shifts in the chair, causing it to wobble in sudden shifts. At the end of the game's first turn she abruptly turns herself and nudges at her older brother. "You're being distractiinnggggg... That's not moral support!" And because that solves everything, she returns to her game.

Closing his eyes, Satoshi sighs. "Of course it isn't." His voice is softer than it normally is, tenderness coupled with exhaustion and the reluctance that dragged him into his little sister's room this early in the morning. "Yuka... will you be finished soon? It really is getting late..." And... dammit, he's gonna fall asleep again and then she'll get all _pouty_.

Yuka...

Ah. Absorbed into her game. There's no breaking her focus now. Those wide, glassy blue eyes sucking in the system, frantically pushing the red heart aside and aside and aside again, scrabbling past such an unseemly sea of bones—cartoon at the very least, but... still. Something about it gets his skin crawling.

If only he hadn't left his phone back on his bedside table, then he could—

Oh... perhaps meagerly—if at all—in his reach, edging Yuka's bed, sits her own. Satoshi could always punch in the numbers and wake _him_ up again if the need be. Desperate times, and all.

Or maybe not. Yoshiki wouldn't like that, would he.

Bah. It... wouldn't be the first time, anyways.

Almost as if in a hypnotized state, Yuka's fingers twitch on her keyboard, a _clack_ for each sudden turn the heart avatar takes, swerving past bones and jumping over ditches and spinning out of reach of some... impressive-looking... lasers? He can't tell. He hardly touches video games.

"Have you?"

"Ghh!

When she speaks, Satoshi flinches, biting at his lip. "Ahhh... sorry, Yuka, you scared me. Um..." Damn, she sounds exhausted too... not that she's doing anything about it. "Have I what?"

Her voice comes out forced, truncated, enunciating each word with a sort of finality that settles ominously in Satoshi's sleepy stomach. "Have you ever heard of the game?"

"Um. No." He pauses, hovering stupidly. No idea why since he has absolutely nothing else to say.

"You should. It's a cool game."

His eyes wander around the room, taking in the abundance of shadows and how... ghostly the computer's light looks flickering over it. "Mm. Yes, should... heard of it." A yawn. "Seems like it." No it seems really _hard_ , that's what it seems like. Spooky, too. Nnh... Makes him... nervous.

"It's soo coooll..." Yuka murmurs, "like... like, it's one of those games where you fight all the monsters but but then you're all friends and you get the best ending!"

Not really listening again. His mind isn't here right now. "At the same time? That sounds... fun..."

She nods cheekily, soaking in his albeit lacking presence. "It is! And... And now I'm getting the last guy to fight me too. And... And then I win!"

"Win what?"

"Win... uhhh..." She pauses for some time, the clacking of the keyboard incessant and all that sounds in between them. Yuka's so focused she breaths in tandem with her game, exhaling as she dodges and sharply swallowing a breath when one of the cartoon bones takes a bite of her health bar. "Their friendship, of course!"

This goes on for some time. The longer Yuka's avatar manages to stay afloat in the box the harder it gets for her to breathe. It comes out bated, her cheeks a hot flush. Maybe if her _onii-chan_ was paying _attention_ he'd _notice_ , but that's just how he is sometimes. A... _ditz_. Heh. But a sweet ditz.

Finally she reaches a breaking point and eases out a long, heavy sigh, flopping her head into Satoshi's chest. He starts—surprised. But he gives in. Rests an arm around her. "Did you win?"

"Noooo..!" she moans, "nooo, he's still... he's going to sleep now... I think he's tired..."

Satoshi pauses, his small thoughts struggling to piece together Yuka's words. "Yo...shiki? Yeah, maybe we should wake him up. Then he could be tired with us." Right? Is that what she's talking about?

Perhaps due to her own fatigue, Yuka presses herself closer into the boy beside her and, for all he can tell, falls asleep there and then.

He stares in a weak shock of panic at the screen. Sure enough, that dancing skeleton dude at the top of the box is... well, he's not moving, so maybe he's asleep. God, should he... should _he_ do the—do what? Frantically Satoshi observes the four controls at the bottom of the screen and scoots the heart around the box it's still, uh, trapped in.

What the hell's he supposed to— _mercy_? Wait, no, no, Yuka said that she was fighting the boss so should he... use the fight option? Nnnngh, he doesn't wanna wake her up now... Dammit, she woke _him_ up so it'd only be _fair_ if he... if he could muster the...

Aww. But she's so... peaceful, her eyes fluttered shut, her fingers little webs tight around his shirt. A gentle, sleepy smile pressed upon her lips.

 _Dammit_ , Satoshi.

Forcing his attention back toward his sister's game, he lets out a sigh. His fingers flip around the little keyboard as the heart soars about the box and he notes—suddenly—after nudging one of the sides that it pushes a little toward the left. Well great. He'll just do that then. Push the... box he's in toward the left. So he does that. And then eventually it stops going left and he pauses. Enough shifting proves that the box now wishes to go down. So that happens as well.

A few frantic mashes upon the keyboard prove that one of the buttons he hit must've selected the **fight** button for him. Also great. If that's what he was supposed to do, that is.

So then this slashy thing slams down by the sleeping skeleton who slips out of the way and—and then a _second_ slashy thing flings itself right smack dab on top of the skeleton and there's red and there he... oh, God, there he _goes_. He just... sort of flops over like that.

He must've shrieked at some point because Yuka blinks and turns to face her brother. "O—Onii-chan... What did y—" She turns to face the screen. "Oh... that's all? Oh!

"Oh, that means I win!"

The poor skeleton guy... "Y-You win? Yu—Yuka! You killed him! That doesn't—What the hell makes you think you won!"

"That's how you win!" she cries, "I told you! You fight them and then you make friends with them!"

"You can't befriend a _corpse_ , Yuka, if anyone should know that it'd be—"

He cuts himself off and grabs her phone and jams a certain contact number. A distant ringing from the room beside theirs and then a loud snarl of a yell—muffled by some amount of pillows. Finally a _clik_ and then a voice pours through the speakers. "Fuc—"

"Get in here right now before I lose my mind."

"What? Wh—"

"Just do it."

"Satosh—"

" _Please_..."

There is a long, drawn-out sigh of assignation. Yoshiki finally comes to accept his fate and with a few shuffles and some slams of the same door and he enters Yuka's bedroom. A blanket still hangs around his shoulders... like a cape. Psh...

But that's not the point of this.

Yoshiki forces his jagged gaze into his best friend's face. "Well, what is it?"

Whine. "This skeleton is dead, Yoshiki!"

His best friend tosses him an ugly stare, his face all bunched up. "What the hell." Not a question. "What the _hell_." He storms over to the wheel chair and wraps his arms around the top of it, slumping graciously into its form. "This is so fucking stupid."

"No it's n—"

Yoshiki raises his head, propping it on top of Satoshi's. The brunette cringes. "Why are you like this." Not a question either. He drags himself through his words like a knife gouging itself upon flesh, cutting sharply into bone. Satoshi cringes a second time. "This is pathetic.

Groan. "So it's _dead_. It's just a skeleton. Like... what the actual hell. It's a fucking skeleton, Satoshi."

"But it's _dead_!" His voice cracks and he pretends not to notice. "That's the thing, it's just _dead_ and Yuka _killed_ it and she says she's gonna befriend it now!"

As they bickered, Yuka continued, and she halts now as a gaunt, pixelated figure floats onto the screen and just kinda sits there. There's nothing else of note on there, just the... just the one figure, with this painfully intimidating grin. Not something any of the three wanna look at that before bed. Especially not after the events of Heave—

"What the hell is that." Yoshiki's next statement.

Yuka's quiet. "I-I don't know. I think it wants me to destroy the world."

"Wh-WHAT? WHY WOULD—" Before Satoshi can finish, his best friend drapes his hand over Satoshi's mouth. With his free fingers, he shushes Satoshi, his eyes glinting.

And then the game sort of explodes or something and the funky character starts screaming and everyone is freaking out and then the game crashes and Yuka gets up abruptly to _unplug_ her computer and everything goes dark and silent and menacing.

They end up squishing beds together and staying like that for the rest of the night.

Nobody gets a lot of sleep.

 **I was playing undertale and got into a slight obsession with it and I started this when that happened xD**

 **this is so stupid and I guess that's the only reason why I'm writing it**

 **the chapter title basically means OOPS I FORGOT ABOUT MERCY because yuka doesn't play video games and assumes things and... yeah xD**

 **I wanted to include some random moment where she schools satoshi on what RPG stands for but I couldn't come up with anything and then I didn't know where to put it  
Just something dumb like ONII-CHAN, THIS IS A REALLY PAINFUL GAME or I don't know, something stupid like that, AND THEREFORE I HAVE TO HURT EVERYONE FIRST (?)**

 **I don't know**

 **Yuka doesn't know how to mercy pffbbb this is so stupid why am I laughing so much**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	7. Hunger for Life

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **This is a backstory HH chapter because I got the idea while writing the last chapter because when there's Yuka, there's Kizami, except in this chapter there is no Yuka so huuuhuuuuuu wonder what this'll mean**

 **It's mmmuch later in the HH Loop Saga Thing so that's why Kizami's Gaining Awareness and why the Kisaragi kids who show up in this chapter call each other by first name and aren't following the "normal" HH schedule (I think that's what to call the first time they went through HH, back when Mayu Always Died and Seiko Always Died like how that followed through in BoS... now stuff is just messed up WHICH I CAN SAY BECAUSE THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF BLOOD DRIVE HHHGH MY LOGIC)**

 **anyways xD**

After Host

7: Hunger for Life

 _turnch, turnch, turnnchhh..._

His foot lingered as he glided into the small awning. He tipped and bent to face his reflection, a marauder's stare glinting back at him. One hand tucked into an empty pocket, the other fingering the hilt of a knife he'd found. Like a cape, a burgundy school uniform hung at his broad shoulder, and dark, messy curls of hair clung to his face in knotted heaps.

Despite all countermeasures, one well-maintained grin was all it took to uncurl his otherwise treacherous, towering appearance. He did so then at the bleary glass before tromping into the classroom, its hinges turning nigh soundlessly—he did so without the need of a key as the door happened to be unlocked, the only one so far he'd managed.

A faint touch of recognition colored him as he stared off into the classroom. Almost as if he'd... _been_ here before. A mere poke of deja vu, for he had never been _here_ before.

Straightening as he entered, his pale, jaded gaze meandered amongst the chamber; thick, heavyset tables sat like fat hippopotami, their wooden frames gnarled and saturated with a considerable shade of red after decades of... altered usage.

After all, there was no need for a science lab when all of the students enrolled at this school were dead.

Curious fingers lumbered over the musty, damp surfaces spread out about him: leaking faucet necks, lines cut purposefully into a table, one lone chair left out in the middle of the room, now empty. His free hand twisted with the knife's hilt, his eyes brooding.

Slick with blood, its occupant now lay in a crumpled heap at the front of it. She—as it was once a she—wore a burgundy coat not unlike his own around her waist. Resemblance... though not to anyone he knew.

Kizami observed this without much note. He gave a hefty kick at the head and it fell from a pulpy, oblong neck. His lips cracked into a grin. More to the corpse than himself, he murmured, "How delightful." A pause as he tasted the tinge of corpse in the air. "What a shame I missed your final moments, no? Maybe I'll run into your ghost... and finally partake in the glorifying crescendo of your horrified screams."

He let out a soft laugh. A frantic amount of pleasure had spilled into his expression. Hands, shaking, squeezed the knife's hilt. Silent words passed his lips in the shape of a wish.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? If others found out about how I ache for this..." His gaze longingly scrawled along bloodstained table legs and splotches of organs scattered not far from the corpse. "I suppose it matters not by now. A lot of you are already gone... and the rest could be... picked off by me, huh.

A long, luscious sigh. "If only.

And then he stepped back, his gaze set and hard and cold once more. "Of course, I'm missing out as it is, wasting my time on your desecrated carcass." And then he went on afterward, reaching the door once more, his fingers locking around the knob and twisti—

locked.

A small twitch. He observed his predicament with merely a modicum of malice. "Am I not alone in here after all?" he whispered, his voice a thoughtful rasp. He hadn't seen a soul, but that didn't mean there lacked one. So long as he had been in the chamber he hadn't heard a sound either...

"Hm." And a shift as he glanced back into the science lab's convoluted layout. What first began without much interest now took a greater stance: little nooks in the bellies of the lab tables, upended chairs toward the back corner, a suspicious sheet lying sprawled partially over a table, ending rumpled at the floor. Could easily hide a body. So... easily. A glint rekindled in his eyes as he sauntered closer, a low laugh rumbling in his throat.

"Helllooo? Is anyone theere?" he called, his voice a soft ripple. "Oii, come ouuut..." His lip twitched. Closer, closer, until he stood in front of the sheet. His hands spilled out of their respective pockets to grasp the fabric, two fistfuls of coarse white. A grunt, and he tugged—a swatch of sheet _sSSSCRRCH_ ing violently as it stuck to the table in a puddle of dried blood and what may have been a human muscle now long-evaporated.

Nothing.

Wide, vacant gaze. Kizami let out a weak laugh. Nothing underneath the sheet. Nothing at all. Out of spite he tossed the sheet and let it fall in a heap around the corpse by the chair— _now_ there appeared to be a figure resting beneath it. Poor _tired_ thing.

Then polka-dots of red bled through and it didn't look like the figure beneath was resting anymore.

He shot a glare over his shoulder and found that the stack of chairs in the corner held no human being—naught but for a... single hand. Fidgeting, his fingers groped empty air for something he couldn't quite remember then.

Turning, turning, he meandered the chamber and thoroughly kicked about the muck and bloody remains in search of his so-called companion. All he got out of the work was a pair of red and sticky fingers alongside some scarlet stains now presiding over his shoes.

People would find him a terrifying sight if they saw him now, huh. Recognizing this, Kizami unlaced and kicked off his shoes, then—noting the bloodstains on his socks—removed all until he stood in bare feet on the rickety floorboards. He traipsed over to one of the science lab's sinks—that leaky one—and began to nudge a valve forward.

Small droplets began spurting. His besmirched fingers eased over the downpour and he watched, stunned, as a bubble of blood—reeking of salt and rusting iron—popped over them, flicking red onto his face, his shirt, in dizzy droplets.

What had remained of his grin promptly overturned. Teeth brandished in his near-snarling state.

Hanging his head, he stood quiet for some time. Then as the blood dripped over his lip, an awkward smile coerced itself onto his face.

Until the pain.

 _KKTTHCK!_

"GAAAHH!"

Kizami fell with a _CURCHHH_ to his knees and whipped around behind to catch the vaguest glimpse of a glowing entity. He still felt the throbbing in his back and the gouge of overwhelming agony crawling into his bloodstream but as he began to breathe and his face flushed and he relaxed he found that the blade no longer lingered inside of him.

A hand dropped to his pocket.

Missing _knife_.

He noted this silently. His jaw worked as his breath came out hot. "Bii _iiiitch._.."

A snarl as he lunged and spun himself in one step and managed for another fleeting second the look of a rather snide human being, one that felt she—as it was a she—had already beaten him. How... _annoying_.

He feigned forward and then launched himself aside and hooked his shoulder around what he could've sworn were fingers until the bite of the knife met him instead and hungrily raked out a hunk of his arm. Kizami let out a roar as he swung and managed for hopeless seconds a touch upon his knife before it shimmered and sunk into his fingers.

There was nowhere to move except back, so back he did. His breath labored as he worked his mind around his situation—eventually a dumbstruck grin came upon him. He forgot his profusely bleeding hand as skeins of scarlet pulsed away and rippled down his legs to fleck at his feet.

Behind his initial stinging shock, he found a strange trill at the fire in his veins. A soft bark of laughter broke him as he worked backwards again, mind swimming, eyes leaping for any sign of his antagonist only to come up empty. With one last push, he rested his side against a wall corner and dared not remove his gaze from the chamber until his fingers locked around a large, metal chair.

Smiling. He smiled as he waited.

Then it came from behind.

 _SHSHHSKKKCH!_

Clothing freely ripped from his now _un_ protected flank—the one pressed up against the wall. His back took a surge, an onslaught of cuts leaving him wet and bleeding and lightheaded. He couldn't muster a snarl or a swung fist or... or anything, he was so... he was _so_...

Oh... Oh, shit...

It began to dawn on him that this _ssspirit_ was intent on its mission to properly butcher him. To—To...

And he couldn't hurt it. And the goddamn door was locked.

Kizami lost his footing and landing in a loud _sssSLAM_ by his corner. His glassy gaze stared off into nothingness, his breaths noticeably weakening.

A feeling he'd never felt before began to tremble from deep within him, shaking off his hunger for murder and long-formed isolation. For stabbing seconds a headache took flame and he groaned as his head fell hard into bloody fingers. Kizami's lips pressed tightly together. The taste of blood no longer delighted him—especially not the burble of his own as it spilled down his cheeks in warm tribulation. The very heat of his body temperature—which, with the loss of so much blood had begun to cool considerably.

Chilled fingers wrenched his tilted head upward and forward and he stared, fascinated, into a gaze reminiscent of a dead fish.

Beads strung in her glowing hair shook with sudden, jerking motions. What a vile grin. Hmmph. What a vile bitch.

Lighting _FASHSHHHSHhhh_ ed outside and for a horrible second he saw the face of a small girl in tandem with the high schooler's, and the girl's eyes were full of his wet blood and she found this a very pleasing situation to be in.

His body throbbed with the cut of the knife as it slid into a nook at the base of his throat. The high schooler stared at him dully like this was a sight she saw often. One she was... used to.

Flickering eyes noted the coat tied about her waist. He opened his mouth—who knew why—and a burble of blood choked him as it dribbled past his chin and stained another fraction of him red.

He tried to swallow. His old knife cut into his throat. He winced.

Fuck... This was it, wasn't it.

His eyes filled with an emotion he'd never experienced before and he let out a soft cry, one that choked into his bloody throat and went silent somewhere within.

The world spun as his tears fell and a smile cracked into his face.

It was a warm smile, the kind of smile he'd never given to a soul before, and now here he was, shamelessly flashing it at his assailant.

Kizami found himself wishing he had someone to smile like that at. It was stupid and he coughed as he thought of it and then the notion went away.

From somewhere far back in his head he felt his headache worsen, a lurch as it kicked into him and he thought the woman had hit him but her hands hadn't moved. Because of her grip, he couldn't get a look anywhere either.

So he missed the sight of two foreign students kicking into the science lab—one swinging a key valiantly in the air as if it were a sword and she the champion.

Another _FISIHhhhh_ as a lightbulb overhead fizzled and Kizami caught sight of the little girl again, her lips pushed into a moue as she mumbled, " _Mii_ ne," and her hands caught at him.

But the light of the hallway punctured her and she snarled at the students coming closer and she was gone before... before he could even blink.

Without another thought of it, Kizami's world folded into a void and that was it.

…

Lull of voices shimmering in a dense, musty air.

A girl perched on the end of an old-fashioned bed, her feet swinging. Pink-and-white striped socks caught and lost a small shaft of light. Her caramel hair, the bangs done back by a few golden hair pins and a portion of hair up in a pom-pom hair tie, flickered dully. Despite the scrapes and bruises littering her skin and stretching around her lips, she continued to smile idly.

"I think he's waking up, Satoshi," she murmured. Her fingers played at the folds on the bed's sheets. Old, lacy things. Dust sprung with the flicker of her hand as if she were casting a spell.

The boy, leaning against the frame of the door, gave a nod in her direction. One of his hands rested against the knob and kept it turning, as if to be sure that it had not locked while the two stood around. "Oh, that's... that's good." His gentle gaze shimmered toward the bed edged against the wall, next to the one his friend sat on.

There lay an unconscious fellow roughly bandaged over in enough places that he resembled more mummy than man. Satoshi felt as if he could recognize him, like that angular, tall creature had made way into his life before, his face full of sharp edges that set his heart racing. Gave him a bad feeling. Like a—like a _bad_ one—like this fellow of theirs did some awful things for fun.

And Yuka, too. Somehow beneath a veil he couldn't quite penetrate, he looked into this tall man and he saw his little sister. That... _freaked_ him out, dammit. And what of the infirmary they currently barricaded themselves in? What of his constant shifting the door, as if it may be stuck the next time he tried it? What of the wounds the unconscious giant had sustained and the suspicious spirit that had stood there with him when he... when he passed out?

Agghhh, Satoshi couldn't do this. His eyes tenderly followed back to the right a little, landing upon his friend's. "Mayu..." She glanced back to him, her smile warm. "Don't you get this... feeling about this place? Like... something's..." The word almost fell into place, just yet to reach his tongue... "Something's... off here." He let out a small breath. "Very off here."

"Nnnnh? Heh... well, yeah." Murky green eyes sparkled weakly. "That's why I... asked you to stand over there." A hand vaguely reached up to touch one of her bruises. She'd fallen on the way here at some point. "And—And this poor guy! He's so... He looks so sad... I mean—I mean outside of all the pain he must be in..."

Satoshi paused, his expression dubious. "You can't possibly know that, Mayu."

"Nnnnh! But I think I dooooo!" She flailed her arms and eventually pointed at their sleeping guest.

"But you couldn't..." Soft, reminiscent smile. She reminded him of his sister sometimes. "I wonder how he got himself into that situation. Did you get a good look at that ghost before it disappeared?"

Mayu stared off into one of the various dark corners of the chamber. Worry lines creased over her forehead. They appeared oddly out of place on her. "No... Not you either then?" Her lips formed into a moue. "Hmmmmnng... They don't usually go off like thaaat..." As she drew off, her tone grew tender, her gaze glassy.

Shrugging against the frame of the door, Satoshi jerked the knob aside a few times and fell into contemplative silence. His heart had made this... tug... when he saw the ghost. Like he'd... Oh, God, like he'd _seen_ her _before_. That snide grin, the glasses, the weird... were those _beads_ in her hair? He _swore_ he'd seen it _all_ before... and that set his heart alight.

For some reason or another, Mayu didn't share his feelings. Dark eyes slowly turned toward the slumbering man again. "Mayu, do you... recognize him at all?" He spoke quietly, like any louder would set off a trap in the very air he whispered through.

"Ummm?" Her hair flew as she shook her head vigorously. "Nope!" Her shadow bounced along the back wall. "Maybe you... ummm... maybe you knew him when he was young and he moved away a really long time ago? So he looks... similar to you!"

"Heheh... How do you come up with these things off the top of your head like that?" Satoshi rolled his eyes. Well she was one of the top theatre kids at school for a reason, huh. "I don't feel like that's it though. It's like... I've known him. But I... _don't_ know this guy, as far as I can tell." He couldn't keep staring at the newcomer. Made him... queasy.

Mayu pouted, kicking at the edge of her bed. Ugly _CRRRH_ noises eked out from rotted hinges and springs. "Maybe he's Yoshiki's older cousin!"

A laugh spurted out of Satoshi's gaping mouth. "No! That is _not_ it! It..." he stumbled. "It—It could _not_ be so! Mayu!"

"Heehee... Yeah, I guess not." She snagged his gaze again and held gently it in her calming presence. A smile worked its way upon her lips. "But hey, maybe!

She didn't voice the fact that every growing second they spent in the infirmary weighted heavier upon her, that at this point the air felt so thick she could hardly breathe. And to repay her, Satoshi didn't mention how staring into the jagged face of the slumbering man beside her forced an image of Yuka's detached head into his mind. "Hmmm... Satoshi, remember that one girl, the one in the red dress?"

He managed to face her again. "The... ghost, right?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Mayu's head slowly tilted toward the dilapidated floorboards below. "Did you... Did you see her for a second? In there? Heh... or am I... just being..." She didn't go on.

Pause.

"No?" But hearing his friend's misgivings sent a cold shard stabbing down his spine. "But—But I might've missed her. I was too busy focusing on the guy before he... passed out and all."

The sudden _THWACK_ of a tree branch hitting the window sent both high schoolers gasping, Mayu going so far as to fall off the bed and land awkwardly on the floor. A stroke of lightning caught the third, still asleep, at such an angle that his head appeared to split where the light was lost to a sharp cut of black.

He twitched once and fell silent once more.

…

The lurch in his heart caused him to let out such a cry that he hardly even recognized his own voice. Kizami winced and let a hand cover over his miserable face. He could feel a wretched quantity of puckering wounds leeching into his head and more, and more, and more spilling further down to the very ends of his toes.

So spiked with fear, Kizami's body was on fire. Nerves shot. Hair standing on end. Crusted blood itching beneath hot, hasty bandages that could have been applied better.

Alive? His head spun. He caught sight of a creature he... thought he could recognize from... from somewhere. Brown hair, a uniform he couldn't place, pink and white... socks.

What a warm smile.

It sickened him somewhat.

After a failed attempt at speaking, the girl let out a giggle and waved to him. She sat on a bed not unlike the cot he currently laid atop. A... very hard cot, at that. Almost like sleeping on stale bread. "Hello! I'm Suzumoto Mayu from Kisaragi Academy! We, um..." Her voice pitched. "We found you in a room near this once... Do you remember any of that?"

Despite the skirting around lethal topics, she held her smile strong on her face. Kizami stared at her a moment and he felt... winded.

This... Mayu girl—she reminded him of someone—duly noted his bleariness and pointed past herself toward some guy leaning against the entrance. "That's Satoshi-kuuun! He gets scared super easily so if anyone screams it's probably him!"

"Mayu!" the coward in question cried. "Aw, come on! I'm not that bad! And it's"—he blushed—"it's _Mochida_. I..." Nervous brown eyes circled around Kizami. "I don't, I..." Unable to hold eye contact, he shrugged off. Tch.

Coughing commenced. Kizami found that a number of punctured spots in his neck had dried and left him with a putrid rasp. He swallowed carefully and wiped at runny eyes and stared, listlessly, into a hole in the floor. Nothing of interest was there. "Kizami Yuuya. Byakuden." While the girl had yet to remove her pleasant expression, her friend noticeably flinched at the name. "I suppose the both of you have... _saved_ me, now?" And he snorted a little at that. The Mochida boy's face merely paled the more he spoke.

It occurred to Kizami that up until very recently he had gone on a murder mission to kill as much as he could. Well until _he_ was almost murde—

Sharp, narrow eyes examined the brunette at the door. Yes, _he_ reminded Kizami of someone as well... though not like Mayu-chan did. Mayu-chan was... like... like Mochida, but his—his facial expression fit someone he knew so well... ah, dammit, he couldn't place it. He was tired and frumpy and gross and perhaps still bleeding out to death, if the shock hadn't done him in enough as it was.

"Kizami-kun," Mayu voiced, her head cocked, "can you... walk? Um... Do you need anything? Anything we can... we can..." Feeble eyes searched the chamber for anything of use and came up particularly short. "Anything at all? M-Maybe we can help!"

Heh. Yes, something about that... innocent demeanor. Kizami shook his head, noting the nauseous notion that came over him. Certain parts of his hair stuck with what must have been blood. "I am... afraid there is not much to be done for... for me." A small smile managed. "The ghost really... came close." He let out a sigh. "If it wasn't for you, I'm afraid I'd be...

Oh... goddammit, he couldn't finish the thought; it left him dry, his mouth still agape like he had more to say. "I thank you greatly for... coming to my aide."

He'd be dead right now if it wasn't for these two. Some girl he hardly knew and a boy who may have witnessed one of his... killings.

Well.

Fuck, where was Kurosaki? He... got the feeling that... something had... Wait, no, he hadn't _killed_ him, did... _Wait_... Why was it so hard to remember something as seemingly simple as whether or not he had murdered a fellow classmate... Because it... it felt like he had before but he... he swore he hadn't seen Kurosaki this t—

 _This time_.

Kizami exhaled through his nose for awhile.

He eventually found it in him to look back up at the girl who had apparently saved him from his demise. "Mayu-chan, right?"

She blushed. "Yes, um—"

"I'm assuming we both were unfortunately accosted into this realm?" She took her time nodding, a hand over her lips. "Then perhaps it would be best if we searched for a way out together?"

"Heheh... I guess so!" Ah... What a kind girl.

Meanwhile Mochida had an apparent _heart attack_ at that and rushed to his friend, hurriedly whispering something into her ear. She paled somewhat, then shook her head and pushed him away. Mochida took a moment himself to stare _he_ —the outsider—down. "Who... are you, Kizami?" A hand secured protectively around the girl beside him, like he was scared of him... hurting her.

"Just the same as you or anyone else, I would hope," he murmured nonchalantly and inched his way off of the cot. While woozy, the world around him merely gave a warning pitch before settling again. Kizami let out a breath. His sweaty skin stuck coldly to his weakened body.

Enough strength persevered to shoulder him over the second cot and allow him to stand by the other survivors. His... goddamn _saviors_ now, huh. Kizami's lip twitched. What an... ugly, foreign thought.

As they made their way back to the entrance of the infirmary, Mochida paused and squeaked abruptly. "Oh... shit! The—The lock—what if it's—" And he ran off to the door on his own and turned the—turned the knob that halted with a _SCRRHH_.

Kizami strode in front of the brunette—who huddled back at his approach and returned quickly to Mayu's side—and tried the door for himself.

It propped open.

"Hey—it..." Sighing, Mochida puffed his cheeks. "It _didn't_ do that when I tried..."

"I suppose it was merely stuck and you unhinged it enough for me to wrench it the rest of the way." Kizami shrugged. He didn't know...

A reluctant pause, and the group emerged from the classroom. Mayu-chan trounced ahead and searched the corridor before choosing a direction at random and going with wherever the pathway took her: _away_ from the certain doom of the science lab, as it was. Heh, well, perhaps it wasn't that random of a choice. Noting the clingy—overly protective?—hold Mochida kept on his friend, Kizami lingered toward the back of the trio and kept watch from his place.

The bandages held. Whoever secured them had quite the steady hand. He had... underestimated their strength.

Not Mochida, then.

Damn, why was that girl so _considerate..._ Some part of it pricked him. There was Mochida, whose fervor clung tightly to some truth of it somewhere—their raven-haired stranger _had_ partaken in some rather questionable actions not all that long ago—and then... she. Ah, it unnerved him, the bright smile, the affable demeanor. So... pleasant. So kind.

Perhaps he would have found more taste in watching her will eventually dissolve in the depths of this remarkable hell had he not been dunked so close to drowning in it earlier. What a... position.

A hand dropped to his pocket. The fingers clamped about the hilt of—of a blade. One quick glance restored to his vision a sight he was sure he had lost.

Kizami shook his head and strode ahead. He caught up quickly with the other two. Chattering amongst themselves once again, Mochida's tone a hesitant murmur, as if any one word too loud might dare to insult their tall companion. Mochida was... oddly amusing, and he resembled... someone...

 _waaaaaaaaaaahhahhahhhhhaaaaaahhhhhh! oniiiiii-chaaaaaaaaaannnn! ssssaaave meeeeeeee!_

His fingers clenched around the hilt. He grunted, turning aside so as to not catch eye contact with the other survivors.

"Kizami-kun!"

Ah— _God—_ he jolted and turned to face the girl again. Such peculiar eyes for one as bright as she: a dull sort of green, giving her a strangely forlorn appearance. Kizami slid his hand out of his pocket—the knife safely hidden inside—and addressed her in turn; "Yes?"

She continued to talk as they walked. Mochida was notably put off by this sort of behavior. "What are some of your friends and stuff like? Hehh... like there's Satoshi and me... and there's more of us too, but we all were... trapped. And we lost each other." She paused. Mochida pushed her forward, though she didn't go very far. "Are you... missing people like that too?" Eyes soft, head down. Like he'd already revealed to her that everyone he knew and loved had died.

But that wasn't true.  
He didn't have anyone to love, so it didn't matter if they died.

"I... have not seen my classmates since the charm that... sent us here, no." That... answered her question. "They might be dead. I don't know."

Her reaction proved to be unexpectedly strong. "Ohh! O-Oohhhhh... I'm sorry, Kizami-kun... I'm, um... I'm really sorry... that's really hard..." And for a second he swore he caught a glimpse of guilt in Mochida's gaze. Not that it lingered long enough for Kizami to be sure that he saw it.

"It's fine." She was so... different than a lot of the people Kizami had grown up with. His godforsaken siblings, his dumbass schoolmates... "Don't worry about it."

"If you say so..." It appeared she still... clung to her sympathy. Mayu-chan.

But it did not take long for the girl to skip along and continue some more idle, happier thread of conversation, one Kizami decided to remain outside of. He jumped in at little moments and the spooked jolt on Mochida's face was worth it.

To her credit, her voice did weaken as they went on, noticeably dropping octaves in response to the growing resentment muddling Mochida's grim expression. Even so, as they passed down the rest of the corridor and neared the staircase at the end, Mayu-chan made a quick spin to glance back and... wave at him.

Reaching out to him... was she? God, she was weird...  
But it wasn't a terrible thing to do, nor a... terrible way to be.

Kizami reached out to wave, or something, back at her as she turned, only to find his hand had somehow wound itself back within his pocket again, clamped tightly over that knife of his. A grunt, and he untangled his fingers a second time.

As they meandered onward, the distant thudding of rain became prominent: pounding on the roof, sliding down the stained, murky windows, letting in a hefty scent of mold. Small, select patches of the ceiling had rotted through and let shy shafts of water to streak into anyone who so happened to be passing by at such a moment. One hit Mochida and he let out a weak cry, scrambling forward when—

 _ffFFSHHHHHH!_

A white-hot shred of lightning burst th—

 _buURURFHHHHHHH!_

—set the hallway on fire an—

 _kshhhhhhhhhhhhh_

—blotted the brunette from view. Smoke dotted about and sent searing, sparkling bits of burnt wood down upon Kizami and Mayu; he quickly darted over to shield her from a majority of the ashes. Still she came up coughing, her face a flushed white speckled in soot.

Wherever the boy looked he saw a rancid white face scorched into his vision, blinking as he blinked and sneering as he scowled and what a—what a young gir—

until it faded from his sight entirely. Kizami let out a breath and turned toward the only other survivor left with him.

Shaking green eyes nudged upward. She winced, then struggled to face the flames. "Saahh... Sa..." Coughing. "Saaatoshiiiii!" Coughing harder. "Saah—Satosh... _Sa_ tosh..."

Couldn't manage it. Her grin weakened.

They stood in place, numb and quiet, as droplets continued to trickle down the roof and splatter against the flames, the latter hissing as they shrunk, and shrunk, until merely embers remained.

They stood for a long time.

Mochida did not stand for very long—or at least not long enough for them to see him. Or per _haps_ he was smote out of existence and the ashes they currently choked over were _his_. The notion didn't appetite him as it may have once have... but rather left a stale taste in his mouth.

"Maybe," Mayu ventured, "maybe he... ran off to go look for a way to reach us. From the other side. And he's just... he's just... taking a—a long time."

He couldn't offer her much else than a nod. After slipping his hand out of his dratted pocket, Kizami led his weakened savior back around where they passed the infirmary, and then the science lab—its door noticeably shut tight—and off to the west hall of the second floor. Passage left his mind aching and throbbing as that _voice_ continued to cry;

 _Oniiii-chaaaaaaan... oniiiiiiiiiiiii-chaaan... N-Noooooooooo! I can't—I can't die... Yuka can't..._ die... _Waahaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh—Sato... Satoshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!_

Whether or not Mayu-chan heard it was not something he could readily tell; however, that _damn_ voice permeated deeper and deeper into his brain until it practically screamed, desperate and raw for its _fucking_ onii-chan, louder, louder, the cacophony sailing over his head and sending him mad. As it went on he could piece the face of the speaker together, the huge eyes, the tearful stare, the awful pale cheeks and twisted lips and _goddaamnnn—_

 _THUKK_.

His knife twisted into the wall. Kizami jolted back to life again.

He found that he couldn't get the thing out of the wood and grunted, pulling back at its damn... stuck hilt.

A gasp alerted him to his companion as she jumped back, her face hot. "Ki-Kizami-kun! That—That almost..." She swallowed and wiped at the sudden flow of stubborn tears. "B-Be careful where you... swing that..."

Quieter... than Yuka-chan. Until he turned and that same teary face merged again. With a strangled cry, he gripped the knife and ripped it out from the guts of the wall, sending a smattering of splinters over him. Small pieces tacked into his skin and blood bloomed like little petunias in between their centers of aging oak.

He felt the pulsating figure of that _child girl_ overcome him again in a stare of murky white, like milk pouring all over to perfectly purge his senses. Another stinging yell and out the knife swung and _THUKK_ as it cut another target down, another shatter of wood taking flight as a groaning wall collapsed.

Between blunted moments he could make out yet _another_ face, yet _another_ voice, a—a—

a kinder face, a kinder voice. "Ummm... Ki-Kizami-kun, you can... you can fight it!" in such a tone that suggested she had faced similar situations before.

Such a tone that suggested trust.

Fingers taut and tight around the blade lessened, if but slightly. Then another voice and a jolt and that ugly, white face and he swung again and—and he found—and he found soft—sinking into a butter-like target that melted to the knife and let it in further and—and— _dammit,_ she—she _believed_ in him and this was—this was _not_ how he'd—how he'd...

how...

A flush of pain crippled him over. Kizami's fingers dug into the wet, smelly center of his bleeding stomach and he watched the knife wriggle as it shifted deeper, cutting further through his... through his innards.

"Fffff _ffuck_ ," he gasped, breaths slipping, back bent, spit brushing past his gaping lip. Hands dove into himself as he ushered the damn thing out of his belly and watched it land— _SPAT—_ on the ground.

His wet fingers fell to catch his bent head. "Oh my... _God_ , Mayu-chan, I..."

No response. No—No resp—

Desperate eyes searched in a dizzying madness for the pink-and-white socks that she so... that she so... that she so wore.

Oh, she... she was standing. _Good_. Good... With a weak cry, she pelted over closer to Kizami and stood there trembling, her face blank.

"What do... What do I..."

He managed to shoulder his head. Shook it. Yes, perhaps there was blood gushing out of his body in a rather frantic rate _not unlike a time of recent_ , but he'd almost tried to... kill her.

What the hell was that... that _girl_ , that...

Kizami swallowed, his voice a shallow wheeze. "Did she..." Ah, he couldn't put it into words. There was _Yuka-chan_ , someone he hadn't remembered seeing in so long, and then that... other face. The _child_. An elementary-aged menace, the snarl, the bright murder-glazed eyes as she took over that ghost's face and tried to kill _him_ and the lightning flashed and he... and he _saw_ her and he... and he...

" _God_ ," he mumbled. Sigh. "Are you... alright?"

He didn't really know what to do now. Mayu, in the midst of stifling a whimper, jumped at the question. "Oh! Um... I'm... I'm fine, tha-thank you very much. Are you sure there isn't anything I can..."

Before she even finished her sentence, she strode off just like that.

Kizami couldn't count the seconds of slippery blood-slick agony that passed. He tried to count the seconds as the blood poured out of him but it went by so fast and then it would stop and lull and then it was fast again and he... and he didn't take kindly to watching his own life force spill out in front of his very eyes like that.

And then she returned. That... goddamn good person.

She returned and her hands were laden with tough, taut bandages. The kind that scraped around his stomach as she carefully wound her fingers around the area of impact, and the fabric rubbed against him. A darker color than the ones he had found—and then he realized that Mayu, perhaps pressed on time... had grabbed one of the cot's blankets and cut it... up.

W-Well.

He watched, transfixed, as she bent into her work. Nimble fingers took care in tightening the old sheets around him and securing what was left with as much of a knot as she could get out of scraps. Shuddering, she let out a sob of a sigh when she finished and promptly slid to the ground at his feet. She let her sweat-slick head fall to one side.

Exhaustion past a limit and warm, hard conviction colored her cheeks.

And thus the flow was staunched. Kizami stared dumbly at his weapon and the injury Mayu-chan had so easily stitched back up again. Of course, medical attention would be needed if he... _when_ he... ahhh...

Quiet again.

Letting out a weak laugh, like she felt bad and couldn't help it, Mayu started to speak again. "W-Wow... that was really close..." Eyes drawn, face flushing. "He-Heheh... thank goodness it... it was okay in the end, huh? He-Heh...

"I wonder if Shige-nii's going through all these scary things too..."

A sudden shadow split across Mayu's pleasant face. Kizami paused. "Who's... this Shige-nii?"

She smiled. A tired smile. "He's someone really... important to me. Like... Like Satoshi! Like the other people I mentioned earlier. He's... like them. Hehh... but also not." She closed her eyes. Pressed her fingers against her temple. "It always... creeps back up on me. Something'll happen and then I... and then I see his face again.

"Ahh!" Mayu-chan shook her head roughly. "I'm sorry, I don't—I don't mean to intrude on you or anythi—"

"Tell me more about your Shige-nii." It was as much of a welcome as any, and Mayu gratefully took it.

Her eyes ventured as she spoke, peeking out through her fingers. "Shige-nii's really... quiet. Heh, kinda like you... and he feels like he's not very good at making friends or... or anything. So he always puts this front around people and it's... and it's kinda cute, but... but it makes me sad too. He doesn't have to hide himself around me though..." She dropped her hands. "Shige-nii's sweet, when he's not hiding himself or... feeling like he has to. Heh... you remind me of him. Because you... um... if you don't mind me"—she stumbled—"I think you... have a front like him, maybe...

She mumbled, her voice cracking, "I mi-miss him a little." Blush.

He'd never been... compared to someone so... tenderly before. No, one wouldn't expect such a thing from his _sssister_ or his _brotherrhh_. Rotten... creatures. Nothing like... Mayu-chan.

"We should keep going. Maybe he's around here somewhere."

Mayu perked, though she... tried to hide it and... failed miserably. "Y-You're okay with moving now?"

Well, uh... "I can move." He lifted himself up. It was... a far more difficult task than it had been after only one attack by his knife. Not that Mayu-chan needed to know that. "Let's go."

Dammit, she was too... nice for her own good. No one ever... looked at him like that, with such kind eyes and... hope. Tch. No one who even bothered... trying to understand him, that is.

Ahhhhh... _Dammit_ , Mayu-chan...

The two finally worked their way down the stairs at the bottom of the hallway, leading onto the lowest floor of the school. Kizami stayed close to his friend, carefully keeping watch for ghosts and kicking past corpses and just generally trying to think of ways to be helpful even though she was already doing most of those things as it was.

Through a gruesome process of shifting through quiet, darkened corridors, Mayu-chan took her time digesting the fact that they had not found Mochida. She was quiet when they entered classroom after classroom vacant of any human life. She was modest as the utter silence of the area proved that they were the only ones alive anywhere near.

They approached the end of the hall again and stood in the niche connecting to stairs that led to the patch of hallway where they had lost Mochida. Mayu-chan stayed quiet and drawn and struggled not to think of any of the things that would prove to them that Mochida had long gone.

Then she looked up. And she screamed.

Kizami started and stared up after her and found that on the ceiling of this particular stairway held a person whose bloodied body had carefully been cut up and stuck to the boards above with entrails alone.

That _vvvoice_ sprung up in his head again and cried _onII-CHAN onnIII-CHAN oNII-CHHAAHNAN ONIIIII-CHAN ONII-CHAN_ until fingers wrapped around his throat and slammed him against the railing, leaving him choking and flustered and—and a peeved sensation boiling through his veins.

"Mochi—"

The brunette clamped his fists tighter around Kizami's throat, effectively shutting off his air. "You killed her." His voice was surprisingly soft, so much softer than his grip. "You killed her, didn't you." Weak sobs pervaded as his fingers jammed against the soft flesh in Kizami's neck, a nail or two going so far as to cut him. "I thought so. I thought I recognized you.

And then release as his voice tapered thin, his fingers needle-tight. "This isn't even the _first_ time you've killed her, you bastard."

Mayu squeaked from her spot and abruptly slammed into her friend as some makeshift attempt to force him off. "Sa-Satoshiii! Please don't b-be this way! That's not true!" At least, she couldn't bear to think so if it was. So she didn't.

Once addressed, Mochida's voice degraded to incoherent rasping. His fingers tightened yet more and Kizami twitched and found his hand around that damn, sticky knife again and he acted and he didn't think and then release.

And then the brunette fell, a clump of his white shining neck now thick and drooping and red. The rank stench of salt pervaded as Mochida Satoshi's life came to a halt beneath that of his late sister's.

The blade fell without thinking from Kizami's hand. He didn't bother to pick it up, not even to look. He just... stood like that. It was impossible to tell through his facial expression alone what he felt.

Dear Mayu-chan had gone silent by his side. Alive, mercifully alive, but silent ever so.

With a slow inhale, Kizami addressed her. "He lost his mind. I'm sorry, Mayu-chan. There was nothing... I could do." Other than suffer consequences for an action he was beginning to feel a pinching ache of regret toward.

"Ye..." She coughed, effectively cutting off her pule. "Yeah. You're... right."

His sharp gaze was softer now, tender as he stared at the floor. A hand protectively fell to her shoulder. "Let's go find Shige-nii."

"Yeah..." Quiet again.

They continued on in silence, the sickly laughter of children following their footsteps into the darkness.

 **So? how that xD Gosh that was tense! the closer I got to the end, the more I couldn't tell whether or not Satoshi would die... but I think it should've ended this way**

 **let's just put mayu into as much of the story as possible PFFF I just really like mayu I guess haha**

 **man this is the longest chapter to date xD**

 **These cp flashbacks are intense, holy turd, pffffff**

 **Do you think it was right of Kizami to do what he did to Satoshi or—PFFF WHO AM I KIDDING THAT WAS PROBABLY NOT AT ALL THE RIGHT THING TO DO  
even if he started having a conscience I mean killing off someone else who's freaking out about this whole thing isn't a good, but eh**

 **It's funny how different cp characters react to death! Ayumi freaks out and runs, Yoshiki tries to stand his ground, Naomi breaks down... All I had to go off on with Mayu is her reaction to the child spirits, which was how bad she felt for them... so? uhh?**

 **that was fun! The character development felt so weird though, since so much stuff that's NEVER had a chance to occur in game happened here xD I mean for one Mayu literally has what, two chapters out of all the games (BLOOD DRIVE NO COUNT THO) so this is almost all new ground for her, haha. Then Satoshi meeting Kizami (and Mayu being around the both of them) and KIZAMI GAINING A CONSCIENCE. He does that in BoS chapter six like right at the beginning but then he dies so I mean... I just... I just wanted to write something where he gains a conscience and then THE CONSEQUENCES THO, DUH DUHHHHH  
pfff what if in that BoS chapter they only killed kizami because they didn't know what to do after that xD it wasn't easy to come up with this chapter!**

 **this was so fun to write pffhhhhh**

 **do you think he'll kill Shig too? will he TAKE MAYU FOR HIMSELF LIKE HE DID WITH YUKA IN THE GAME? BUH UBUHHH  
I might write a part two for this, there's certainly room to xD what with Shige-nii and the whole thing with Sachiko sort of possessing(?) Kizami and his fighting the almost killing of Mayu**

 **I really like his and Mayu's relationship here, though maybe I shouldn't xD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	8. What an Undeserving Punk

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **Don't remember if Satoshi ever met Misuto in Blood Drive but for the sake of this chapter let's all go with No Not Really**

 **Don't take this too? seriously? I came up with the idea in like two minutes so**

After Host

8: What an Undeserving Punk

 _Ayumi_

Yuka's fingers stick to mine in a tight knot of surprising durability. Head down, she shivers a little as the cool air of the convenience store rushes over us. She wraps herself around me and rests a head comfortably at my shoulder. It makes walking difficult but neither of us really care.

"I'm telling you," I mumble, "I have a terrible feeling about this place."

Not that Satoshi cares. "But _I_ have a terrible feeling about how little food we've eaten all day." His soft, caramel eyes fleck of apprehension. They meld into his softer tone. "It's no good to stave it off, whether or not you don't like it here." He makes a small shrug in his jacket. "And I said you could wait outside..."

"Yeah, but what if you get killed while we—"

"Ayumiiii..." Smiling feebly, Satoshi drags his nonthreatening gaze over the ceiling fans. "This isn't Host... It's literally as, like, harmless as Yuka."

His little sister pouts, as if taking his words as a full-on offense. "I think Ayumi onee-chan's right!"

"You always side against me these days, I swear..." Another twisted grin. Satoshi closes his eyes a moment too long and runs headfirst into a counter brimming with packaged goods, letting out a small yelp upon impact. "Guyys..."

"Th-That's why I always side against you, Onii-chaaaaan!"

He vainly swats at his side, a small wince trembling in his lip. "Owwww... Yuka, that hurts..." He closes his eyes again, but this time he stands unmoving, just... off into some other world entirely.

Satoshi eventually pulls himself forward again. As he does, he mumbles, "We'd be out of here by now if the both of you didn't keep complaining about it..."

"That has nothing to do with it," I retort, because it really doesn't. "You're just not focusing! B-Be more careful!"

"Aaaghhh." And with that, my friend just sort of shuts us out entirely and begins mumbling the items on our list to himself like it's a charm. His eyes distance and he just... leaves it at that.

Yuka sneezes onto my shirt as another breath of cold air permeates the air of the aisle. Then she suddenly squeals and trips over my foot and goes down crashing behind us before turning and crouching behind her older brother.

"Yu-Yuka!" I duck after her and try to distinguish whatever it was she saw: there's some signs hanging around here and there, a lightbulb flickering in the back, a few people wandering about—one with a hoo—

"Ffffffuck." And then I slap my hands over my mouth and force myself behind Satoshi too. Yuka stares at me like I just committed an irrevocable sin.

Why the _hell_ is _he_ here. A slow sense of nausea begins to distort my features and I feel my face pinching up, my body stressing of tension. Yuka butts her head into my other shoulder and rests there, quivering.

Satoshi ends his boycott for long enough to squint down at us. "Guys, what are you... doing?" An aghast wonder has sunk into his features. His tongue's sort of sticking out, the pink end of it wriggling like he doesn't realize. And he probably doesn't.

A small trill seizes my heart and I glare at the stupid hooded face and I mutter other words Yuka winces at under my breath freely. "Why does he have to... nnnngh... _Hinoe_ hasn't even mentioned him... Unngh, is it... well, I-I guess she never mentioned him before, either..." Oh, God, _are_ they still dating? He—He's such a little _bitch_ , though, like... _God_. He tried to destroy the entire goddamn world once and yes, he was killed for it, but because of the _fucking_ loops he just came back with us and tried it again, and again, and... Only when we finally all made it out of there alive did he finally stop, I guess.

Tha-That doesn't mean I have to _like_ him.

Because he simply has to be like that, Satoshi stares off toward the man Yuka and I glare unblinkingly at. "What's... up? Uhhh, guys... Is _he_ why you're being so weird, Ayumi? Now that we've found him can we just move on or something?"

"What if he _sees_ us?" Breathing comes with difficulty. "What if he _sees_ us and _kills_ us and _does us in_ with his damn _umbrella_?"

"Nnhhhh..." Yuka huddles closer to me. When her older brother tries to get her off the ground she makes this awful whine and scoots into my side. "He's scary... D-Don't say that, Ayumi oneee-chaaaaan..."

I pause. "Oh. O-Oh wait." And I force my trembling feet beneath me and I gently raise myself. "We can fight him. We can... shhhhhow _him_ , that... _bastard_! I can _finally_ show him how much I... I _hate_ him! Satoshi"—I suddenly turn on him and he slams back into a shelf—"Aren't there knives in here somewhere?"

"We aren't here for that!" His voice comes out a pitch too high. "Ayumi! G-God, he's just a creepy-looking civilian at this point! Let's just get our food and—and just—and just _go_?" His eyes spark and he locks his hands over my shoulders. Pressing gently against me, Satoshi releases a breath and shakes his head. "Let's just go. Come on. Like you said."

And for a second he thinks I'm gonna listen. For an actual second there a reprieve jumps in his gaze and he nods back at me and he thinks—he _thinks—_ I'll actually let him have his way for once.

Well.

Before he can have any second thoughts, I rip myself out of his grip and dart off to the other side of the convenience store. My shoes ominously slap on the tile floor and I hear another pair of feet trickle after me, most likely Yuka's.

We halt at the end of the hall. I peek over the end, breathless and wheezing, and thank God Misuto hasn't looked up from some can he's got in his hand, probably doesn't care at all, that—that ssssociopath.

Can he be a sociopath if he's supposedly dating my sister in secret? O-Oh who am I kidding, of _course_ he is, he's such a fucking _ass_. Dammit, I-I don't care what the hell my sister sees in him...

Nnngh... though maybe I should, if she really does mean as much to me as she does... Y-Yeah, maybe I should be nice about it, maybe I should just let it go or whatever like Satoshi... Satoshi...

It comes back to me in a sickening rush. The boom shuddering down old, groaning halls as a bell tower creaks and dangles on the edge of plummeting. A pillar jutting into a bloodlit sky cracking open to display, like a broken window, the outside world, the _real_ world.

Misuto's ugly sneer as he stands back and watches it be, watches red stain the Japan as we know it sinister and rancid and awful and... hnnghhh...

I suck in a breath, then another, and another, as I force a hand onto a shelf and hold on tightly, like I'm drowning, like letting go would kill me. My fingers curl around a cool, metal surface and I tighten my grip upon it, pulling it close to me, to my heart.

The label on the side reads **Tomatoes**. Whatever, a can of tomatoes it is. Ducking back, I press a free finger to my lips and Yuka nods timidly. Whether or not she thinks this is a good idea she has yet to reveal. But she doesn't stop me, and at this point it's pretty obvious what I'm about to do.

Stepping into the aisle, I wrench back and let loose as the can sails into open air and lands— _THUKK—_ in the midst of Misuto's hooded face. Then, as he crumples, I pick up a second and throw that one too where it sinks into his stomach.

His lips start to twitch and words start to form. But I don't let them get that far. "BREAK UP WITH MY SISTER, YOU FFFUCKING BITCH!" And while he's unstable I grab more cans from the rack beside me and try to breathe because I can't again and air chokes up in my throat and I start to cough.

Satoshi's gonna lose it. Wh-Whatever, to hell with him. _Yoshiki_ would fucking get it. Him and, like, nobody else. _Ugh_.

Misuto, one eye squinting, makes a stab of a glance my way from the floor. "What the... hell? Who the hell're you?"

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

And then I throw more cans at him.

It doesn't have the same effect. I've lost my single advantage: there is no surprise in his gaze as he watches it tumble toward him. With artful pause, a sense of importance soaking into him, Misuto raises a hand and eagerly catches the cans. To my surprise, he doesn't throw them back and instead places them, with an angry _CRRHH_ , on the floor.

A sneer in his face, he mutters, "Listen, kid. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you don't have to take it out on me." He dabs with a sleeve at the cut blooming beneath his eye. "My girlfriend's a lot fucking cooler than you are, you... bitch. Besides, you can't... tell me what to do." He snorts. "Get lost."

I try to hold onto my feelings, but they all start to fizzle out as Misuto calmly picks himself up and places the cans back into their rightful homes again. He brushes past me harmlessly when he moves, and then he's gone. Like he never was there in the... in the first place.

My heart thuds horribly inside of me. Cold silence surrounds me. The throbbing doesn't go away and doesn't go away and _doesn't go away_ and then I feel my eyes pinch and hot tears curl out and I decide to leave the store.

It's quiet outside. A late afternoon sun beating down on me. The stench of rain mingling with a faint smell of... ramen. I sit on the ground in the midst of all the muck. I press my head into my knees.

I don't know how long I stay there like that. It's not as hot as I initially thought it was; there's this funny breeze kicking against me. The mud sticks to my skirt. I know it'll be hell to clean out later. I stay there.

Fucking... hate him. Ha-Hate him so much.

I wish he threw the cans back at me. Stepped on my foot. Yelled. Smiled darkly in that horrible way of his. Swung his umbrella and beheaded me on the spot, for all I fucking care.

He's supposed to be evil. He's supposed to be horrible.

I kicked off my sandals at some point and started drawing stupid pictures that look like shit in the mud with my toes. Fat, clumsy, ugly toes.

Quiet for a really long time. Footsteps pass on by sometimes. It's never _him_.

An eventual Satoshi seeks me out sometime later. A plastic shopping bag in between his legs, his situates himself down in front of me, ruining two or three of my terrible drawings. After making a glance at my face, he grimaces and opts for oblivion, his eyes soon vacant.

He's still here, though. "I don't remember him. Who is he again, if... if I can ask?"

"Someone _mean_ ," I mutter. My lips stuck together from being closed for so long. I struggle to get words moving off my mouth. "He used to show up, back at... the beginning. And maybe sometimes in between." Back when... we were still stuck. Back when every end was never truly an end but instead a flip back into the beginning again. Back when death was normal. "He dated my sister. Or still does. I don't know. Then he tried to kill all of us." I guess it makes sense he wouldn't remember. It was so long ago, that... well...

"Hmm." Satoshi stares disinterestedly at his shoes. "That's not very nice."

"No." _Duh_. "It's not."

My friend closes his eyes and tips his head back. I consider asking where Yuka is, but my throat's too thick to let much other than empty air out. "He didn't look very mean though. This time around. So maybe he's... changed. Maybe all along he's been changing. We wouldn't know, huh." He's too nice.

Swallowing, I whisper, "I wish he was still a bitch. I don't—I don't want to forgive him. Not... ever. He—He was so _terrible_..." And it starts coming out like a whine but I don't care anymore.

"It's funny... I bet he doesn't remember any of it."

"Ye-Yeah. Only we have that... privilege." Privilege? Goddammit, it's not a... privilege, it's tortu—

"Yeah, yeah." Oh, God, Satoshi's nodding. "We wouldn't all be friends like we are today without that privilege. You know. We'd be like old Misuto, there. We'd only remember the one time we all came out."

Wh-Why the hell does he think that way? My voice is shrill. "Isn't that a _good_ thing, though? Da-Dammit, Satoshi, I don't want to remember all the times you were flayed apart! I don't want to remember when Sachiko _took_ your _head_ in her _hands_ and _ripped_ it _right_ off of... off of..."

He's quiet, letting me cry in peace.

"I know. Be-Believe me. I've seen a lot of... shit... too. But if we're stuck with all those old memories, might as well try to make the best of it, right? I don't want Yuka thinking of all those things for the rest of her life... unable to enjoy things like... like the culture festival or friends or Yoshiki's horrible sense of humor, because of something we couldn't even control in the end."

He grins when a weak laugh rips out of me. It leaves me shaking. "Yoshiki... doesn't _have_ a sense of humor. I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Pff..." Satoshi chuckles in that funny, soft manner of his. "My apologies. I suppose you'd know that best, huh." Rolls his eyes affectionately. "Uh huh..."

He's so... weird. I swear, anyone else would've yelled at me or—or _something_ after what I did.

Satoshi's too soft to be a menace, I guess. Heh. Mayu's like that too. She lets me get away with being an... asshole.

Dammit... now I feel... _now_ I feel...

"S-Satoshi..." I mumble, "wh-why am I so awful? _Why_ am I so... so _mean_?"

I stuff my head into my hands. My muddy, messy, mucky hands. Now my face is covered in shit. Not that I bother.

He tries at a soft laugh. I don't know what the hell he's expecting as a result but he obviously doesn't get whatever it is he wanted. "We've all been through a lot. Just... because nobody else knows about it doesn't mean it never happened. But it... did. And you have a right to be upset about it. To... To be mean about it, and all."

"Nnn _nngh_. That... That doesn't change the fact that I've become such a bitch!"

"Hey—Heey... you're not a bitch, Ayumi."

"Yoshiki's said so."

"He's allowed to say that! He's—He's himself! Come on, don't be this way!"

I scowl into my dirty fingers. "I don't wanna _feel_ this way anymore..."

"Ayumi...

Eventually he just sighs and starts to get back up. "Well, we might as well go make dinner or something. I'm hungry."

I'm not anymore, but Satoshi doesn't care and he awkwardly hooks a hand around my elbow and pulls me to my feet. With a moan, I bump against him. He kind of lives with it.

"Oh wait—wait." My voice is lighter. "Where's Yuka?"

Pause.

Then a wince. "Shhhit, that's right! She's still hiding in the bathroom!"

Satoshi takes off and leaves me tripping over my own feet.

I smile stupidly as he runs headfirst into the door once or twice before he remembers to pull it open.

 **Kinda short, but meh, haha.**

 **I just had a sudden need to write in the first person for some reason so I did xD I wrote this all in one sitting xD and I came up with it pretty much in the same sitting too xD**

 **Meh, felt like writing in Misuto. I mean, technically, going on my loop headcanon, there's no reason he'd still be all crazy and cruel and stuff since he doesn't have THE NIRVANA to unleash or whatever. I feel like Hinoe would eventually tone him down, since he doesn't have that outlet to go DESTROY THE WORLD with. Plus their extra chapter was sweet (and sad ;w;) so I thought I'd let them still be together..?**

 **hmm maybe I'll write something with them later. Oh and Yui and Taguchi..? after reading the last cp manga now I'm like OH DANG OH DANG I WANNA DO A THING WITH THIS man that thing depressed me xD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	9. Heart Goes Out

**I TAKE REQUESTS!**

 **I don't even have a theory as to how this works out since in every version in cp Taguchi canonically is dead (but the same could be said about the Byakuden kids I vaguely mentioned in the first chapter, so).**

 **Oh! how about this: because who doesn't wanna see Taguchi alive and happy right? haha _solid_**

 **also after reading the cp manga I needed to heckin do this**

 **This one's more of a... present tense... plotty chapter? I guess? I dunno**

After Host

9: Heart Goes Out

 _Yui_

The classroom is quiet. Most of the children have already gone home or to club or whatever else it is they bide their time with these days. It's more often than not that one of the others—Ayumi, Seiko—would stay behind, but I suppose today is not one of my lucky days.

Heh. I'm not quite disappointed, even so. I was getting a little behind on grading as it is... ahhh, I should poke fun at Ayumi over that the next I see her. She's been wearing herself thin, what with Mayu's return and all of the excitement her homecoming generated. I suppose she's trying to catch the poor thing up with the rest of us now. Only a month, but at least in the eyes of Ayumi, that month may have desecrated Mayu's entire education.

Papers, papers... Pff, Yoshiki has the worst handwriting. I only recognize this one is his because he's the only one with such specifically illegible symbols. A smile touching my lip, I uncap one of those glitter pens Naomi bought me and gently write, **And who is this exactly? Are you trying to hide your identity from me? ;)** drawing a little arrow toward what presumably must be his name.

Sometimes Ayumi's worksheets hold little notes in them for me, not always all that kind toward her classmates. Things that make me laugh out of nowhere and get the class all riled up. Sometimes illustrations, tending toward cute little cats, a few hastily worked into the likeness of Monet. Sweet of her.

Speaking of drawings, I glance over Seiko's and peer at a... certain image she's drawn on hers. **Naughty girl!** I cross out her little doodle.  
She only does it because she knows she can. Pff.

Calming quiet encroaches the building as I set to each worksheet. I can't help it and wince quietly when I reach another of Naomi's half-assed problems. If I can, I try to sneak her by with a passing grade, but this one's simply too rushed with too little to go off of for anything above a fifty. My lips press together as I write, **Do you want to come in after class and talk about things? I'm here for you.** It's not a new note, but I try anyways. Heh, I suppose I'm not capable of giving up so easily: how else could I be a teacher?

She does come in. Every once in awhile. At least then I can float her grade a little higher than the waters should let it go.

It's funny how some of the kids have subconsciously switched places. I can't help but think of the blonde delinquent now much more punctual than he was before. Heck, Naomi skips more than he does at this point.

The... people, I think, do it in for her. She recalls in those past loops when nobody remembered Seiko. Shards of vicious fights and unentered sorrow rent as she steps in, and she hears their misgivings all over again. Heh, Ayumi's not all that different, although she has begun to improve what with Mayu's return.

Ah. Shig. His sheets always so immaculate, his handwriting utterly pleasant, any smudges carefully and thoroughly erased. A snide grin overcomes me and I hastily scratch onto his sheet, **You don't have to be perfect, Shig! Go on, make mistakes, get wild!** Somehow the image of that stern boy relenting even somewhat is too funny for me to say and I let my hand fall in my hands and I... I just laugh for a moment there.

Wonderfully stupid. He'll probably give this note a weird look as well.

I'm excited to see Mayu's doodles cover his pages again. Somehow they look more... lonely, when lacking her presence. He'd write pseudo essays around her flailing pictures and math problems circulating and breaking off past her drawings, even the bad ones, especially the bad ones.

Satoshi's greet me with a note of its own already down: **Hiiiiii, Yuuuiii! Yuka says hi! Yuka wants to be your student too, sooooo you better be my teacher no matter what in a few years! Then Satoshi can write notes on** _ **my**_ **paper~!** ٩(⁎❛ᴗ❛⁎)۶

I giggle to myself, feeling a little giddy. **Of course! You better make sure your brother's grades stay up or he won't be writing on your papers since he'll be in class WITH you, writing on his own!**

She'll get a kick out of that.

Again I settle, adding notes here and there, turning one hundred percent grades into double smiling faces, adding assistance where I see fit. Honestly I lose track of time in this monotone of mine, this warm and quiet world where all my focus tends to the teasing and liveliness that can only be found on paper. That sounds a little odd, doesn't it? But I can't help myself; it's how I am, and I... love it, so.

Immersed as I am, the footsteps treading toward me pass largely unnoticed up until a voice cracks into my reverie: "Uhhh, 'scuse me? You, umm, Shishido Yui, yes?"

"O-Oh! My apologies!" I jump upright and peer into the face of the guy practically leaning over me. Shaggy blonde hair kept somewhat in a cap, a red jacket... smiling face, if nothing else. He doesn't appear to be a bad guy, at least as far as I can tell. My cheeks warm. "Y-You weren't standing there that long, were you?"

He responds in a chipper tone: "Oh, no, not at—well no _sort_ of that long but it wasn't _that_ that long. Uh." He shakes himself. "Taguchi Shougo, a pleasure to meet you!" Oh; he's... _oh_. "My boss ran into you somewhere awhile ago—you probably don't remember him, he was just walkin' by—but one of my coworkers was there too and... sheeee detected somethin' funny about you!"

Oh. Um. How do I take this? "Something... _funny_ about me." I give a measured glance at myself, my blouse, the panda necklace, the skirt. Pretty... ordinary, for the most part. "Whatever could you mean, Taguchi-kun? If I can call you Taguchi-kun?" What a... funny man.

Actually, thinking about it, I suppose it's obvious whatever this is has nothing to do with my looks alone. Ah well.

"This... mmmay come as a shock to you, Shishido," his tone still chipper, voice still warm, "buuut I must warn you that a... a presence, of sorts, is clinging to you? I dunno, that's how Naho-tan put it, but she's scary and I only asked for the explanation once so I could be as wrong as anyone." A nice smile. Funny... man.

"A presence? What do you mean, like a stalker?" And I know that's not what he means but it's what I want to ask anyways.

His reaction is funny. "Uhhmmmmmm." He stares off. "Ssssort of. They're like a stalker but a... dead stalker!"

"Heheh, how fun! Dead stalkers are simply the best!"

Yes I do know what he means then. Ah, how... Oh, to think that our fate follows us even after triumph.

Wh-What a relief the others aren't here, if this is what we're speaking about. I can only imagine how some of them would react...

Taguchi is kind, at least. Warm smile. "Well they're better than real live spooky ones, that's for sure! Though I guess ghosts are pretty spooky." Pause. "Oh, you actually believe us... then? Most people not really invested with the occult life brush us off..."

"Oh how crude of them." I smile wistfully. "No, I believe you." And he would believe me too, very much so, if he simply remembered the events of that accursed school. Albeit vague, I... I think I recall little fragments of him. He... sacrificed himself for my children, he led away Yoshikazu and suffered indelible consequences because of his actions, and yet... here he is now, yes? H-How very strange.

Does a "presence" not follow him as well? I wonder.

But he didn't mention any of my students holding a presence. I-I don't know when his, ah, boss happened upon me, but more often than not I'm alongside one of the others as it is so... hard, to be alone these days, and... heh. Why me? Well I suppose the proper question is why _not_ me, hmm?

Taguchi's slow to respond again. His fingers clasp and I suddenly notice the camera casually pointing at us between his hands as we speak. I suppose it's not a problem, as this is a school and schools have their own cameras anyways, but it is still a bit of a shock to see it shining there, a fierce metallic gray. "Uhhmmmm, Naho-tan said that your presence wasn't malevolent, though. Does that make sense? Ha! Probably not." Quiet again. He's struggling with his words.

Pff. What a funny look on his face... it's a little cute. "Do you know anything about this, perhaps? We've been... searching for spiritual evidence for a long, long time, and it'd reeeeally help Kibiki-sensei with a breakthrough even if you have a tiny bit to offer." Oh, such innocent hope in his gaze...

Oh. _Oh_. Ha-Hahaha.

I have more than a tiny bit to offer. And coupled with that weird, gentle bluntness... I suppose I want to tell him a little of it. It's weird, thinking of voicing memories aloud that he contains absolutely no account of.

But he once did. U-Unless he does _now_? But... why would he now? There's no reason for Taguchi to remember any of... _any_ of it. He even died at Host. So... very many times did he die. D-Does this reality only exist for us, now?

Nnnh... Kibiki-sensei wa— _is_ that writer, right? The one Saenoki Naho was so fond of, who Ayumi was so fond of in turn. Pff... look at me, talking to the agent of my dear friend's inspiration. She will be very jealous when I tell her of this.

"Actually..." I swallow as I say it. "I do know something about... this."

His burst of joy is overwhelmingly... adorable. "Oh... re-really? That's awesome! Seriously, I... Man, Kibiki's gonna freaking love you after this! I-It, um..." He fiddles nervously with his camera. "It doesn't have to be much, ummm... E-Even if you only know like something that _might_ be something t—"

"No, no..." Whether or not I meant it to be there, I feel a little smile creep onto my lips. "I know very well why your friend felt a 'presence' following me. And I understand why it has gone, say, 'dormant' for now." Forever indefinitely, but well. "I would not mind retelling my account if it would help you so much." One... doesn't see such a warm... _goodness_ in someone like that anymore. Heh, he's a little like Seiko, or Mayu... although they both have dimmed considerably after...

It makes me miss... Tsukasa. Ugh, that feeling hits me sometimes in such weird scenarios...  
Be-Besides, he's dead. We're all... _very_ sure... he's dead.  
I know it. So much as I hate it, I know it.

Taguchi holds me in a practically awestruck state. "W-Wow!" And he laughs softly. "Dang, no one's been so willing before. This... really means a lot to us. Thank you." His hands fiddl—"Oh! Um, would it bother you if I recorded this conversation, just to make sure I catch everything?"

Ahh, look at me prejudging him. "Sure." And there I hear a small _clik_ and the camera starts purring softly. "Should I just... start?" And he offers me a little nod so I guess I do.

Words come slowly, churning from somewhere deep inside of me I've kept lidded for so long. My anecdote of Sachiko meeting her monstrous end causes Taguchi to flinch, if but slightly, the smallest glimmer of recognition visible if but for a moment in his gaze. He shakes his head gruffly. Sucks in a small breath, moves on.

I can't help myself and ask before I regret it: "Have you heard of the Shinozaki murder before? It's... heh, it's not all that well-known." Nobody even knew that... Sachiko was murdered. Isn't that right? Oh, that poor child... but so much as my grief is over her loss, another thundering sense of respite builds up in my throat. She... killed _my_ children, my students, my...

She killed them very many times.

"Oh, uhhh." Bashful Taguchi. He can't hold my gaze, picking at a spot on my desk, his eyes strolling over some of my worksheets. He coughs a laugh skimming over some of the notes I left and one of Ayumi's drawings. "Heeey, I'm the one asking _you_... uhh..." Another lull. "I... well, I feel like I've heard that somewhere before... but I can't place it, you know? But I feel like I should, if that makes any sense. Does that sound weird?"

Some very impulsive piece of me wants to tell him that he hasn't merely _heard_ this tale before but lived it himself. I shudder to think of how such an accusation might affect him... but there's still that prickling sensation in my heart, that nerve, that biting want to see if someone else remembers, if someone else knows it like we do.

The feeling passes. I drop a hand to my lap, clenching it into a fist vainly. "No, it's... it's fine. I understand." Oh, to risk whatever reaction might come of me prodding in ground as sore as Sachiko... B-Besides, Taguchi is a nice man and I'd rather not touch where old wounds may still be healing.

Well, no matter. Once I finish Sachiko's, I ponder whether I should voice aloud my own tale. My eyes sour staring off into one of the windows.

 _TSUKASA, COME BACK! WH-WHY ARE YOU—_

Nnnnh...

My heart beats, slow to faster faster fast... fast, and I wince as I swallow my pulse. I have to focus to breathe. Voices blur, sound fades, vision spinning... for a second I try to force myself out of it and I swear I—I look back and Tsukasa's _him_ and he's _dead_ and he's dead all... all over again.

Panting. Panting. I conjure an apology but whether it gets any further than my throat is not a question I can answer.

He's the only reason we escaped, in the end. Tsu-Tsukasa.  
Why are you dead? Why were you _there_?  
Does it have something to do with why I never saw you again, so soon after we...

Ohhh... I liked holding your hand, Tsukasa. I liked seeing you, your brooding eyes, that way you'd glimpse the hint of an adventure in the dumbest little things. You sa- _saved_ me, once, but I don't even know if you remember doing that. Chills went over my body when you went and showed me your... favorite place on all of Kisaragi.

I go there sometimes. When it's quiet, when the school is all but empty, running on but overworked teachers and a reluctant janitor, all people who just want to go home. I hear you in the back of my head when I go. And I'll close my eyes and I'll see you standing next to me.

Oh, I'd thought I was over you by the time you were gone and... then you...

Why... Why were you there? Why were you dead? Why did you help us escape and why was it you who had to save us? Why hadn't I seen you before? D-Did Sachiko do it—did _she_ kill you? H-How long ago? Why? I...

 _I_...

A hand. Warm, shockingly warm over mine. I jolt and snap back, my fingers twitching as they dodge for the tears streaking down my stubborn face. My other hand I fail to move and I'm slow, clumsy to clean up the mess I've made over my face. Flushed cheeks burn at my fingertips.

The look on Taguchi's face is of concern. Nervous, yes, but nervous concern all the same. "A-Are you okay? Sorry, I didn't know the story about the little girl, umm, meant so much to you?"

"He-Heheh..." Oh dear, I-I'm snorting as I laugh—this is... _ahh_ , this is embarrassing... "I-I'm sorry myself, I... I just..." If you remembered, _Taguchi_ , my life would be much easier... but of course you don't. A-And I suppose if you did, you wouldn't be here today. "Someone... very important to me was associated with this incidence. But he's long gone now. I-I don't know why... I never knew why... but, well. He simply is." A-And that's it, huh.

"Ohh." Bashful again. He grins a little shyly. "I'm, uh, sorry about that. It sucks to lose someone. Heheh, I'm, uh, I'm lucky. I haven't... heh. But I was always a sort of dork in school so it isn't like I had a ton of friends to lose to begin with." O-Ohh, ouch...

Shaking my head, I murmur, "My apologies..! That's... harsh in and on its own, Taguchi-kun..."

"Nehhh, but still...

Quiet again. He clears his throat weakly. "S-So, uhhh, sorry... I just... about that presence, uhh..." Shakes his head. "D'you think maybe it's that person you were talking about? Naho-kun said she's never seen anything like it! And uh... she's seen a _lot_ of spirits... so..."

"Oh." Oh, I never... "H-Heheh, I always just assumed it was Sachiko or something..." But I suppose if Sachiko's been successfully exorcised by the nine of us, then... would there still be a "presence" of hers able to cling to us? "That's... thoughtful of you." Though what a... funny idea.

My dead... high school crush, hovering around me, watching over my daily life... watching me reenact so many other scenarios just as pathetic as this last one. Ha-Haha.

I need to move on. I-I need to, but I... don't... um...

Taguchi's lip quirks. He blows a strand of blonde hair from his face. "So... dang! That was like... really heavy and stuff. Kibiki-sensei's gonna _love_ all the ghost stuff you mentioned. Heh, might finally be his big break, right? At least that's what we're hoping. Hehhh...

"Hey ummm... yyyyou wanna go do something sometime?"

"Wait... Wh-What?" I can't stop another laugh. "Pffff! What are you saying? I-I hardly know you and we literally just..." I don't know if this is hilarious or just... _awkward_.

A nice boy, though. Taguchi casually looks aside. "Haha. I dunno. I feel like I've... seen a lot... from you? Today? And you seem pretty cool and not terrible? And I will probably never in my life get a date from anyone so I might as well try?"

"Psh... Oh, don't be so hard on yourself!" He _is_ very nice... and silly, but it's not a... childish silly, or a weird silly... Endearing.

I-I'm not... actually considering this, a-am I..? Ah, G-God...

Taguchi gives me a cheeky grin. Nerves prevent him from quite facing me. "That's what Naho-tan always says! Hahaha, she's always so crude when it's me, but... I can't help but enjoy her company. She's like the age of the students at this school, actually."

"O-Oh, yes, I've heard of her! One of my students had such an obsession with her blog!" That is until Naho herself killed us countless times. Ha-Hah. I don't think he needs to know about that part of the story. No, he... no...

Nnh, it's not his fault he...  
Oh my God I _am_ considering it.

And I need to stop for a moment, then. Taguchi's shy, quiet, brooding himself. Y-Yes, I did just tell myself that I needed to move on, but I... I didn't think it would come so quickly.

But my eyes wander and I wonder if... maybe it is for the best. Tsukasa's laid on the edge of my mind for so long now that I'm afraid I don't know how to let go. A-And as much as I miss him, I... I need to accept that whatever we had is now so overly gone that it has... li-literally died. And besides it was just a... just a _high school crush_.

I'll never know how we might've... turned out.

Nnnh...

Then it occurs to me that Taguchi's long, slender fingers still nudge over mine and how did I forget that and he sort of recognizes it too and there's this really awkward silence as he edges his hand away. Laughing softly, then stronger, I snatch it back, extend his arm, and quickly pick up my pen.

Glittering pink numbers and a name: **Shishido Yui**. And a heart at the end too.

My eyes catch over his camera. "O-Oh my God, it's still running."

His head capsizes into his free hand. Quiet, quiet laughter. "I can edit it out. I don't think Kibiki-sensei needs to see this part."

Something about that is funny and I start laughing again. Just softly. No louder than him.

This is ridiculously stupid. Heheh... my _God_. Some idiot part of me revels in his feeling and I warm myself in it, my heart throbbing in my chest, a smile twisting my lips.

"So I'll... see you again." And I step back, remembering where I am. O-Oh thank goodness for an empty classroom.

There's this incredulous smile on Taguchi's face that he can't seem to shake of. So he just leaves it there. "Ye-Yeah! Yeah. Heh."

Our goodbye is awkward, undeniably awkward, but at least it won't be the last of them, huh.

Without even pausing I flip over the side of one of Ayumi's worksheets and begin hurriedly writing: **I think I may have developed feelings for someone I** _ **hardly**_ **know...**

 **very... different chapter? XD well there you go  
I had fun with this hahahaha Yui/Taguchi hahaha**

 **didn't mean to have everyone's worksheets show up at the beginning but then I was like NAH JUST DO IT xD**

 **I TAKE REQUESTS!**


	10. Mister Delinquent

**Haha, I don't have a ton of ideas for this story since a lot of it's spontaneous or just feelgood or bad or spooky or whatever so this might be the last "official" chapter? Of course I'm always down for requests! And who knows, maybe I'll be hit by an idea that I need to write and then there'll be another chapter. But this might be the last one for awhile. Heheh, I've just been thinking about doing more than "just fanfiction" lately so... starting to prepare for that?**

 **Except for—  
Pokelife93: Wow! Thank you for the review! I remembered that I've had a pretty interesting idea for a chapter with Nana, Nari, and Chihaya and I'm gonna totally do that next ^^**

 **Anyways! This series got way more sporadic than I intended haha but that's fine!**

 **This is another Mayu chapter set with the whole SHE MOVED BACK WHAT NOW thing, haven't had one of those in awhile. Mayuuu**

After Host

10: Mister Delinquent

 _Mayu_

"Nyahaha! You _say_ that, Yoshiki, but you let me come in no less!"I clutch a pillow to my chest and eye his tall, angular figure with my chin hovering on top of it. "You can say whatever you want but that doesn't make it true!"

There's a moment where he straightens himself, his sharp gaze gleaming like that of a sea at high tide, and for a second my heart thunders and I let myself think he's gonna do something.

But of course he doesn't. All that intensity spills out of him in a puddle at his feet and he scoffs, turns around. "Stop acting like a dumbass. I'm just doing this because Ayumi said her parents were getting weird and she was gonna be here too but her sister was all _nooo, it'd be better if you stay and try to calm them down_ and... gah, whatever. Anything I say's gonna be used against me at this point." He throws his hands up in the air and lets them fall accordingly.

"Heheh. You don't know that!" Yes he does.

He mutters in a low, swaggering tone, "It's not like I know exactly what kind of person you are, Suzumoto Mayu."

"Nnnnnnope! You know nothing about me!" My lips pull into a sly grin.

He snorts. "Theater nerd."

"Mmmmmmister delinquent!"

"Pshhhh..." A small laugh. "Mayu, I'm no 'mister delinquent'—errr, at least not anymore. Not really. Heh..." He draws it out and mutters "theater nerd" again like it's all he has, and it probably is, eheh. A certain... warmth imbues within it when he whispers it, though, like a promise to himself.

My heart gets all weird when he talks about me like that, pahaha. Better do something random and try and... thhhrow him off with it! So I hide my head in my pillow and cry, "Ayuuumi thinks you're helping cuz you have a heart, but that can't possibly be true since you _just did this for Ayumi_ and all!"

Quiet. Yoshiki mutters, "You've run out of sense." His words linger before he adds, "It must be past your bedtime," with a low chortle.

"Nnnnghhh!" I pull my head out of my pillow for long enough to playfully glare his way. "It is _never_ my bedtime! You can't force me to do anything, Kishinuma Yoshikiiiii!" And then before he has a chance to say anything to that, I chuck the pillow at his face.

It peels off to reveal a pale, haughty expression. A cough. Choppy bleached-blonde hair trickles over his face. "God _damm_ it, Mayu." A small wheeze of laughter. "I could pick you up and throw you into bed right now if I really felt like it."

"Buuuuut?" As I draw it out, my eyebrows shoot way up on my forehead.

"What but?"

" _That_ but! But what?"

"There is no—"

"Do or diieee, Yoshikiiiiii! Do or diii—"

" _Why_ are you like this."

"Dooo it! Doooo it! Doooooo it!"

"Why should I?"

I try to throw my pillow before I remember that I already did. Yoshiki gives me a funny look and I give one right back, crying, "Why _shouldn't_ you?"

He closes his eyes and smiles sourly at the part of the wall above my head. "This is alllllll Ayumi's fault for choosing terrible people as friends." Heh, that would probably hurt a lot if it wasn't coming from him, huh? Oh, that's... weird to think about... out of context.

But no matter. I stick out my tongue at him and he gets all haughty again, straightening himself out and crossing his arms over his unimpressive chest and sharpening his already flint-hard gaze. We make war with our eyes—his smoldering, mine sly—and this goes on for longer than I think either of us expected it to.

Yoshiki quietly bends over, scoops my pillow up off the ground, and tosses it back at me. His expression hardly changes during the ordeal and it feels very out of place: a super-serious attitude and he's... gently handing a soft cushion back my way. Giggling, I murmur, "Does that mean you're terrible too?" and I bow my head in a wave of laughter as he jerks back, face steaming. But I shake my head to myself. "No, no... I don't think you're terrible, Yoshiki."

He stiffens somewhat at that. "Uhh... thanks?" Turns around again. "E-Eeeither way, it's been a long day and we have school tomorr—ahhhh, dammit, I forgot about that until just... now." A slice of his face still lies in my line of sight: his lips have curdled into a grimace. "And I have work after school... and... ffffuck, the project..."

Closes his eyes for a moment. Breathes to himself. A hand catches his head and he rests like that.

My bare feet are cold, tender on the floor and soundless to my ears. He jolts when I prop my head on his shoulder, sending a shudder down my body. "Hey, uh... Wwwe could stay up and work on it if you want?"

"No, it's..." Yoshiki lets out a small sigh. "I've already missed a night or two, I... it'll be fine."

H-He's trying to be so _responsible_ these days... w-wow.

"Nnnnhhhhh—"

He cuts me off with a hand to my shoulder. "I'll be fine. Seriously. I've been through worse."

"Oh yeaaaah!" I bounce back quickly. "When we got back and you had all those injuries and—and you had to work overtime later to make up for the time spent in the hospital and you missed like a solid _week_ of assignments and! And... the money, and..." Oh... "I don't... wanna think about it anymore. Heh."

He tenses. "Right, right. Haah..." Shakes his head again. "Well, anyways. I'm tired."

"Pff." Something about how... blunt he is... is funny. "I'm tired tooooo! Where are my sleeping arrangements and already perfectly made bed and—and—and _room service_!"

And he knows I'm kidding, and I know he knows, by the dorky grin on his face that I don't think he's even aware of. And I am _not_ pointing it out or it'll go away and that's no fun. "Over that way." To which he gently shoves me in the direction of his trash can. My foot bumps against it and I look over and I burst into laughter.

He's like... the brother I never had. Pfffff... But if I tell him that he'll probably get super weird, so I should... keep this to myself. Heheh, cherish it in my... heart.  
Voicing it aloud doesn't make it any more real than it already is, yeah?

After scooping up my bag—half-filled with all kinds of things, more things that I won't need than I would and I already know I forgot my toothbrush, if that's any clue to how much I actually remembered—we make our way through the entrance.

Yoshiki's apartment makes up for its lack of size in warmth. Cards and trinkets from his sister line shelves and cabinets; lone socks have been kicked under pieces of upholstery; a few drawings from Ayumi scatter choice places like the refrigerator and walls. Photographs we all took and printed out the day we... finally came out from _there_ alive.

Past a tiny kitchen squashed into a tinier living space lies the back room to Yoshiki's home. Not much is in it, so small there's hardly space for the well-lived bed, desk, and thin table hanging out within. Bumps here and there. Stubborn stains in the carpet. The sheets of his bed dangle off the mattress and I can't tell where his pillow went.

"So uh." Clearing his throat, Yoshiki's voice lifts a somber rumble—like a dark cloak—unto himself. "I don't really have a couch or... other mattress... or anything else that would... make a bed. I mean, unless you'd prefer I sleep on the floor."

Oh. Uh. Right, of—of course. I shake myself. "Kishinuma Yoshiki, how dare you not pull a personal mattress out of thin air for me!" It's not all that funny. I chuckle weakly to myself. "I mean, um..." Blush. Oh geez. "We can just... both sleep in the bed? It's really not that big of a deal..."

Silence. My friend eventually lets out a long breath.

"He-Hey, at least it's not Seiko staying at your house right now!"

"Oh— _God_ , no." The thought alone is enough to get him all feisty. "No, no, no. She would look at this and call the both of us a fucking... Rrhhhhh..." Rolls his eyes at the ceiling, the faintest smile curled at his lip. "Whatever. Thanks for not being her, I guess."

I puff out my cheeks and mumble, "So you're not gonna get all weird on meeeee?"

"Mayu, what are you even talking about." Smirks. But there's a flush in his expression that wasn't there before, and he doesn't look all weird and nervous now, so that's good. Heh. I feel better.

With that, I plop onto the side of his bed. I think I forgot nightwear anyways, and I don't really care, so. Sitting down sends a wave of woozy weariness pounding to my skull, and I'm slow easing myself onto Yoshiki's soft but not quite soft mattress, scooting so that my back rests against the wall. As I snuggle into his covers, I give him this really dumb flirty look and his face gets hot and his eyes get mad and it's so funny I hit my head against the wall laughing.

Takes me a moment to remember the hairpins, but I don't really... want to get out of bed all over again... so I just pluck them out of my head one by one and vainly toss them at my bag. Every last one of them misses. Ah well, I'll probably find them in the morning, and if I don't, that's okay too. Yoshiki can... keep them... if he finds them, or something? Ehhh, he'd probably just give them back to me or throw them away... I don't care all that much... Just sleepy, heh.

Quiet again. Yoshiki's socked feet lead him back as he goes through his home turning off light switches, the chambers growing shadier piece by piece. I stare off into the ceiling as I wait.

Heh. I could... get a part-time job too. Hey, maybe even work at the same place. And then... I could get an apartment too, or maybe we could rent a larger room together, and then Ayumi wouldn't... have to worry about me. I-I could... take care of myself.

Heheh... And—And Shige-nii could come over, like, _all_ the time and if Yoshiki lived there too then he'd just have to _deal_ and stuff and... heheh, it'd be really funny...

But if this all did happen, then... Shige-nii wouldn't have to... worry about his parents, or... anyone else's parents or anything... so much. He did mention staying at Yoshiki's more often than not but... still...

When my friend returns and—after a few halfhearted attempts—finally rolls into his own bed himself, I poke him and whisper, "What if—What if I got a job and stuff like you? What if—we worked at the same place! And like, lived nearby or got a bigger place an—"

"Mayuuuuu..." he groans. Then he lifts my pillow out from under me and plops it over his head. "Mayu, let me sleep..." A long, long yawn, painfully drawn out. "Just... tell me again in the morning, if you wake up and your idea doesn't look terrible when you're not half-asleep."

I pout at his back. It's not as fun as pouting to his face and experiencing his reaction, but one must make do with what one gets.

"Arrhhh..." Oh? "Dammit... Now you got me... thinking about it." Pffff, Yoshiki... "But what if everyone else started getting jobs? And then Yui tried to live with us? And then _everyone_ tried to live with us? And then things got fucking awkward?"

"But it wouldn't get awkward between us!"

"You say that." Wince. "But you don't currently share a bathtub with eight other people."

Oh my g—" _Pfffffff_! Yoshikiiii! Heeey, I'm sure that the others wouldn't all get jobs and move out! Like... Hinoe wouldn't let Ayumi do that"—his back visibly relaxes here—"and Seiko's got her siblings, and... and Satoshi and Yuka have a cool family, and uhhh... I can't really see Naomi or Shige-nii getting jobs. At least, not yet. Shige-nii takes classes and acting pretty seriously, and Naomi's..." W-Well, I dunno if she has... the heart to... go out in public... on her own free will.

"But..." Hesitance. "Mayu, don't you take acting pretty seriously too?"

"Ye-Yeah..." Heh. I... I do... D-Dang it, Yoshiki, if you don't bring it up then I don't have to... "But I have, um, responsibilities now. I-If I don't want to live with my parents, then I have to... take care of myself! And I can't just barge in on all of you li-like I am. It's... crude. And it's not considerate for any of you." Heh... Y-Yoshiki...

An abrupt bouncing from the mattress and he turns to face me, his so usually sharp gaze soft. "You make the scripts, you make the costumes, you make the rehearsals." Quiet sigh. "And that's not a responsibility now."

"Y-Yo...shiki..!" Oh...

Words stick to the top of my mouth and I try to force them out but instead my eyes—get all...

I cup my face in my hands.

"Ahh—Mayu—D-Dammit, don't cry! I-I didn't... Goddammit..." One of his large, warm hands cradles over mine. I try to stifle these awkward little sobs and then they just... g-get louder and I... nnnh... "I'm sorry..! I just... if you put so much time into that, I don't get why you'd just let go of all of it now. Like I... I dunno... I don't have much of a... of a passion in things, so like... if I did... I wouldn't give it up like that... I'd be so _selfish_ about it and _fight_ for it, fucking...

His voice cracks. "Ahhh, Goddammit Mayu! Now I'm crying too!" And I peek from the crack in between my hands and s-sure enough, he is. "Hhhhhh... Mayu, we'll figure other things out first. Stop being so goddamn nice. If it comes to worst, sure, whatever, get a damn job. Theater like shut down when you were gone and god _dammit_ you are _not_ giving up your damn _love_ that easily, not if I get a _god_ damn say in it."

There's this awkward silence as we both struggle to speak and fail.

I manage first. "C-Can... ummm."

"Wh-What?"

I tug him into a hug and his squawk noise is so funny I practically shoot snot from my nose and if this wasn't so sad I'd probably feel guilty about it. He-Heheheh...

"Th-Thank you."

And we're pretty much like that until we fall asleep, which doesn't take as long as I'd figured it would, all things considered.

 **This got longer than I thought it would but it's one of the very first ideas I came up with when I started up AH and THIS IS SO CUTE and I AM VERY PLEASED and YAY**

 **also I swear there isn't a chapter where someone doesn't end up crying at some point of it  
what is my problem xD  
I guess all of these poor precious children are just in a bad place after everything so  
I dunno maybe that's it**


	11. The Altercation of Death

**Back again, haha. I really wanted to write this chapter, so it didn't take me all that long to just... jump right into it! X3**

 **This chapter is one of the sort of FLASHBACKS TO HH ones, it's the first I've written in the first person but this one gets intensely emotional and I felt like I wouldn't be able to capture what I was going for in the third person, so, haha. It's about Nana Ogasawara, Nari Amatoya, and Chihaya Yamase—they're the MCs of Corpse Party (Blood Covered: Repeated Fear's) Extra Chapter 1 (and 11, if you've played the 3DS version).**

 **Pokelife93 requested a chapter starring the three so here they are ^^**

After Host

11: The Altercation of Death

 _Nana_

 _sschhhhhhhllluUCK._

Between the plump, pinched fingers of a little girl, one frigid hand holding her sewing scissors behind her back as the other proudly displayed her catch in front of me, there dangled the ripe red tongue that once lived in my mouth.

I felt dry. An emptiness, vast and wide and so, so cold, yawned from a pit deep within me that I'd never known existed before. Tingling and knots of anticipation that had held me taut now went slack.

Shock. I think I was... going into shock, then. A warm lake of blood pooled in my mouth and the acrid taste of it had been lost to my utter lack of tongue. It dribbled where it could out of my slightly ajar lips and I watched it, little droplets, _spat, spat, spat_ , as they crawled down my cheeks and fell off somewhere far beneath me.

The little girl perched in front of me threw my tongue like the wrapper of a candy bar. I don't know where it sailed; I couldn't... watch, I was going so blank, my thoughts sludge in my skull. Vision spotty, quickly leaving, all sensations draining... It wasn't long until all I could feel was the itching sensation of... so-something.

My hysterics had gone down; tears ceased to leak from my glassy gaze. But I didn't feel all of this happen and I wondered how I knew if I'd lost all sensation, how I could so plainly _see_ my body giving out when I was inside of it.

Until, with a jolt, I realized that the eyes I now sought into were my own. No—No, not... mine anymore. Blue fingers traced over my cold, cold body. I was staring at myself. Ghost to... _corpse_.

But that was it. An unrelenting chill, a breeze of burning cold. I felt nothing else. No pain, no fear, no sorrow, no... no _nothing_.

A cloak of shock enveloped me as I hung my head and shivered uncontrollably.

Dead. I was... I _was_...

Yet I didn't... feel anything, nothing but the blizzard charging through my bloodstream, the snow festering in my soul. I just—I just felt _cold_ , that was _it_.

Oh my... God.

I probably should have been scared. After all, the dull sense of shock cascading me seemed so... unnatural, surreal, fake. This wasn't it... was it? Was this... _it_? Death and... Death and nothing more? No more Nari-chan, n-no more Chihaya-chan...

The little girl who ripped both my tongue and life out with a single _snip_ had evidently lost interest in me. I couldn't say whether it was worse to be killed in hate or just... _this_ , a murderer who didn't even care I was dead, who probably wouldn't have cared if I lived, either, had I never stumbled upon her.

My emotions had become... murky. Shock thrived from some unsightly pit slowly spreading within, and... and tiny tinges of grief, of fear, came like little shocks of their own whenever they worked themselves in, but these moments passed so quickly I couldn't tell if they were real or not.

In a daze, I stood up and stepped through the door of the bloodstained chamber. Walking was a fumble, each step a gamble of whether or not I held the awareness to focus enough on moving forward on solid ground instead of... letting my feet sink through the floorboards. I wobbled more than I moved and I passed through objects more than I bumped against them but I... bu-but I guess that's what _happens_ when you're _dead_ , ha-hahaha... ha...

Nari-chan and Chihaya-chan were around here somewhere, before I... um.

But I didn't hear them now. We wandered together, the three musketeers, for hours upon hours until our strength was sapping and Nari-chan kept picking fights and Chihaya-chan ran away and... I had to find the both of them all over again.

I've... failed. We weren't going home together anymore. I-I didn't even know if they were still alive and... even so... I couldn't leave as I was. Ghosts didn't... take up residence in the real world, a-as far as I knew. I'd never even seen a ghost before we... c-came here.

In my state, I meandered, seeking out nothing in particular, calling out to nobody. I'd assumed my cloak of shock would begin to wear thin the longer I stayed dead, and it's possible I simply didn't know how long I had... be-been dead, so I couldn't recover or something, but that tingling never faded.

But I meandered anyways. Perhaps I stumbled more than I moved and I continually sunk through the floor or suddenly flitted far above, suspended in a battle with gravity that I no longer could control, but I meandered even so. Eventually the old bomb shelter where the little girl finally found us fell far below my feet and I reached a wooden door which spilled out into the nexus of Heavenly Host.

I felt nothing upon recognizing the hallway sprawled out ahead. A few... new bodies rotted out here and there. Some had dispersed and I-I didn't wanna think of what that meant. Where they we-went. Numbly I trotted onward, pitching and spilling outward with my movements.

Sometimes I caught sight of a ghost. My breath would hitch and I'd duck around a corner and hide until the trill relented enough for me to remember that _I_ was a ghost too. S-So therefore they couldn't kill me. S-So therefore it didn't matter if they saw me, and besides, what if I... recognized one of them?

...no. I didn't want to recognize one of them.

On the second floor of the school, a particularly unruly glob of flesh lay waste. I-It certainly wasn't something I'd seen before I got here, certainly wasn't... something I recognized. Its soul must have... been in... so much pain at that very moment it—hi- _hit_ the wall.

I remembered that whatever a ghost felt at its moment of death became a palette of their emotional state for the rest of eternity. S-So maybe I should've... considered myself lucky that a numb ecstasy was all that ruled me: no pain in my mouth or pain anywhere else; no grief, no anger, no nothing but... eternal shock.

My lip quivered and I bit it. Hard. Movement was shaky at best afterward.

It was like cotton balls in my mind... I could hardly think, could hardly fo-focus, could hardly see through a cloud of immense... pressure tight in my chest. I'd swallow and then remember it had no use on me, what with my... nonexistent body.

Didn't even think I was leading myself anywhere until I trudged up a staircase and suddenly caught sight of my surroundings. Nothing much other than creaky floorboards and a small pile of corpses, but to the right of the hallway stood a door.

The... boys' restroom.

With a shriek, I burst through the entrance and went through the wall on the other side of the room, too, until I managed to compose myself and sit in front of the stall at the end.

My voice was so weak, so tired, so spent I thought it would snap right there and then. "Mis...ur... Mis—ur..."  
I couldn't pronounce the "tuh" in... "mister".

It was a punch in my stomach, remembering the state of my tongue.

But he knew it. He... knew it, even so. Not seconds after, he politely tipped his stall door aside and glanced over his rimmed glasses toward me. First a small warmth shrouded within—and then—he wrenched back and—and a gap filled what once was whole. "Nana-chan! Oh my dear girl, what's..." He sputtered, and he shook his head and his mop of hair went flying. "My dear girl, what sort of _monster_ would..."

But what was there to say?

When I met his gaze, my heart splintered, and for the first in an achingly long time, I felt.

Swallowing, I mumbled, "Misur Shimoha..." and I cringed as it came out, and I tried it all over again with the same result and I cringed once again, my shoulders slumping, my body shaking.

I couldn't speak right. I-I couldn't—Even the words that _did_ come out came out a little off, like my tongue had become a funhouse mirror. Somehow that sickened me more than lack of speaking in and on its own: this new... corrupt version of my voice, and in another sense, a corrupt version of _me_.

It's... inexplicable, this sensation crawling down my spine. I'd altered in a way that I never once considered could possibly alter before. S-Sure, everyone's voice has their off days, but I... I couldn't even feel my tongue anymore, just this squishy, half-inflated half-organ that lived the life of a turd crusted in the back of my head.

My body chilled. I-I hated it. I absolutely hated it. Little sobs heaved out of me, little pathetic wet sobs I could hardly hear, I so afraid to put my voice into them, so afraid to... listen to it. This _it_ that wasn't even me any longer.

Perhaps I could have died right there and then was I not already dead.

Finally, with a moan, my gaze spilled outward and I caught sight of him again, of... Shimoda Souichiro. O-Oof, his name was so long... Sou-i-chi-ro... I-I doubted I could pronounce it correctly, though a quick and quiet run-over proved I at the very least could mock-pronounce the sounds in his first name better than his surname. None of them... c-completely cut out on me. _Shimoha_. My cheeks flamed in hot, sticky embarrassment.

"I ahmm soreeh I cannoh prouhhouse ii-ee"—I found the sound "yuh" no longer existed in my cut off vocabulary and panicked—"aaeeme. Uhh"—another hard dosage of panic—"Sooweesssheeruh... I—ahhhhhh..." Awful. Nothing but awful.

In a frenzy, I kicked back and started forcing myself to stand, my shaking body phasing in and out of material items I no longer had the pleasure of touching. As I turned, warm fingers fastened around my wrist and I collapsed. S-So much for my rough start, huh.

"The monsters found you..." The heat from his hand sifted into the rest of me, slowly, achingly slow. I found myself leaning toward him and flinched. "That's what... happened to you, Nana-chan." A flush of heat swooned in my head. I managed to nod and tried to scoot back from the toxic warmth he gave off, something I now sorely... lacked. Precious seconds passed as I felt and I felt and I felt more, the chill of shock so tainted in me suddenly melting.

A sense of disgust broiled within me at what I had become: this broken, wretched, sniveling little girl who couldn't even speak without cringing at the sound. I reveled in it, as ugly as it made me feel, this... this emotion, this vile catharsis, this _something_.

"Nana-chan, my... deepest condolences." Such warm, _warm_ words.

Panting, I closed my eyes and tried not to whimper. Forced another nod.

I couldn't feel time passing, just the throb of his hand and the snaking warmth that pulsed into me. How ugly I felt. How much more warmth I needed, how cold I still was. How much I hated it.

Souichiro's next words set my heart aflame.  
"Nana-chan, where are your friends? Where are Chihaya and Nari-kun?"

"A-Ahhhh..." My whimper returned full-force and I choked on it, my voice thick. "I-I ohh... I ohhhh ohh... I o-oh owwh..." Each word only further set me into my resentful state. Tears escaped my vision and I had a hard time pretending they weren't there.

 _I don't know. I don't know. I don't know._

A horrible silence descended upon us and I thought, my frigid body throbbing—I thought he was going to leave. I didn't even know why but I felt _this_ certain that he would leave me all alone to freeze in a numbness I had no power over, that he would denote me a lost cause and go off on his own.

Of... course he didn't, gentleman he always has been. But I couldn't bring myself to consider any other option than isolation.

With an air of hard-set finality, he murmured, "Nana-chan, you poor precious thing," and suddenly spun me into an embrace. When I looked up, I caught foggy blue-faded eyes brimming of concern behind his glasses, his lip quirked somewhat to one side. And I don't know what overcame me but the suddenness of it all, the submersion of all of that _heat_ , how _warm_ , how _tender_ I suddenly felt, all of it coming together caused me to all-out... bawl.

It's funny how the unsightliness of a situation can alter one's perspective drastically. I clutched tightly to him—to—to _Souichiro—_ someone suddenly so... dear to me—as I cried... and I cried... and I cried.

He was so... kind. He let me go on for so long I trembled, thoroughly exhausted, when I finally ceased. Swallowing, I blushed and mumbled, "H-Hanhh oouh... Souwee...shh..." Couldn't bring myself to finish. I sighed.

"Ah. We should... figure out a name for you to call me by, since it appears mine gives you... difficulty" An upset grimace. He tried to push it away. "Um... a nickname..? Something simple, like... 'Sou' or 'Soui' or... 'Chiro'?" It was kind of funny watching someone so sophisticated-looking and dignified making faces as he called himself cute little names.

Another swallow and I tried at them. "I... uhhlllihhk..." H-Haaah... The "ul" and "kuh" sounds could surface from the back of my throat and s-sounded pretty scary but substituted far better than bypassing their letters altogether. Trying again, I managed, "I lllihke... Cz... Shhz.." Sputtered. "Shiro." It was cute. A-And stupid cute and I _liked_ it.

And he was so nice.

"Alright. Heh..." A faraway look entered his gaze. "Shiro." Small exhale. "It sounds like something Aya would have called me—ah, but... that was so long ago. I hardly... remember her these days."

"O-Oh... I'm sowrrrhee..." Nnngh, I was so _close_ to pronouncing it correctly...

Shaking his head, Shiro pursed his lips. "No, no, it was all so very long ago. I'm sorry, Nana-chan—we should be focusing on the dilemma of your missing friends as it is."

"O-Ouhh"—I doubted I'd ever find a way to make the "nuh" sound in "no" and that greatly bothered me—"Ou arrh fiih... O-Oh, um... um..." Slight panic. "Is ohkeh. Is... oohhkay." A-Ahaha... there was something. I felt so strained but... but there was _some_ thing. _Is okay_. God, I sounded like a preschooler... B-But at... at least I sounded like someone.

Shiro took in a small breath, stilling himself. "Should we... go searching, then?"

"W-Waih... Waiih..." That meant he was... "Comihh? Wihhh me?" My heart pounded in my chest. He'd never... really left that stall before, a-as far as I knew... S-So why leave now, I guess? A-And I was dead at this point so it wasn't like he needed to protect me from anything... e-except my own feelings, I guess, but that didn't really count and I wasn't sure it was... that obvious I...  
N-No, it was probably that obvious... nnh...

But even so, with a little smile, he nodded. "I can't leave you in this state, Nana-chan. Besides, I'm worried about the other girls too."

"O-Ohhh..." I blushed. "R-Rihh... Righ..." B-Bah.

Shiro strode on ahead and I darted after him, gently grasping his sleeve with hesitant fingers. He made a little chuckle at that, and I glanced away shyly. The warmth gathering amongst him filtered into me by my touch and helped ease the conglomeration channeling deep inside of me.

Funny how that's all it can take sometimes. I leaned into Shiro, and he let me, and... i-it was nice. I felt... weirdly, like... safe—or as safe as I'd ever feel again, seeing as I'd be... t-trapped here now... for the rest of eternity.

His erasing the fog of shock that clung to me did reveal a throbbing in my mouth, at the end of wherever they cut my tongue off from. But it was a dull thing, and I couldn't really tell of its existence. I suppose the moment itself, the shock of it, r-really had... killed me.

I didn't like thinking about it, but when my mind wandered so did my gaze and all that surrounded us was an ever-reaching sea of hopelessness.

Down the hallway on the second floor, we kept silent, l-like the creatures on a muted television show, and it stayed that still until a wail rose above my thoughts and broke into me. By instinct I jolted and glanced around and—and _there_ in my _feet_ I was... I was wading in somebody else's organs. They passed cleanly through my pale slippered toes and I hadn't even _noticed_ and I could hardly believe the disrespect I'd given and panicking, I dashed ahead and collapsed where the floorboards were clear.

S-Someone's... body. Strewn about the ground, shredded open no more nicely than that of the wrapping on a birthday gift. I shuddered as I remembered... s-seeing it before. My hands went to my forehead, and with a whimper, I covered my face.

Shiro waited. When I looked back, I saw that little chips began to crack into his calm demeanor, but he held himself together despite his difficulties like the—like the gentleman he was. I choked on a laugh, my eyes a little wide, before I wrapped my hand around his wrist again.

I liked being there. Maybe it was stupid but it was all I had and... I liked it.

"Poorhh iir-irrl..." my voice sputtered. I hadn't even thought about it: the thought came so suddenly and now there it sat in thin air. My throat pinched as I remembered the sounds I... could no longer pronounce.

We filed down another staircase before Shiro responded. "Heh... I didn't know how to start a conversation with you anymore, if I may be honest. I didn't know if it'd... bother you, trying to speak as you are." Small shake of his head, his glasses catching a light out of somewhere. "But I liked talking to you earlier. I'm... pleased you returned to my side, though it pains me that you no longer are..." Long breath. "Alive, Nana-chan. My... deepest apologies."

"Oouh, is"—I blushed, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek—"is ohhka _aaayyy_ yh, prohmussss..." Pff, s-so much as I wanted to say I liked being around him too, so many words and... so little tongue to speak with.

But I squeezed one of my hands together and tried anyways. "Iouuh... are... eeel—ll...rrrhhhh—hmmmice." Ahhhhhh... my eyes sunk to the ground.

"Mice?"

"Ouhhhhh..." No no no... "Iiii _ice_. I... I—I _ce_ , I..." That's not what I...

A small intake. "Oh! You mean..." His tone was enveloped by an endearing warmth. "You think I'm nice."

Th-Thank God. "Iiiieeyy—yes." I let out a breath and couldn't help myself, my feet bouncing with each step. This dumb smile happened across my lips and for a little while, not even the nagging feeling that recently this would have been trivial could deter my joy.

"Heheh. Well, I..." It hadn't occurred to me that if my eyes held onto Shiro, his... would lock onto mine. S-So he'd be giving his full and absolute attention onto whoever he spoke with. Presumably, I guess, but... still. "I couldn't stay in the stall forever, right? Not... forever..."

There was a moment where the hollowness in his voice, the lofty absence in his gaze, protested otherwise, and that miserable notion stayed suspended upon him for so long I realize he probably couldn't tell it was there. But it did pass... eventually. S-Sent a chill down my spine in the process.

"Hannhk yoooh..."

He sighed again, a tinge of mirth spilling into the air. "You're welcome."

Sure, I didn't need someone else to traverse this nexus with me now that I was... d-dead. Sure...

Past another corridor, I bumped against Shiro and paused and gasped and pointed erratically at the hallway in front. "Ihhh... eckspaahheh!" Th-That hallway was so _short_ before. Not to mention that a... pile of bodies corroded at the other end, partially blocking a door.

But as I stepped closer, I began to feel this beating in my heart, like a string had been attached to me and it was tugging. And with a whine I pulled closer, and her name slipped from my mouth: "A-A...Ari..."

"Nari-kun?" whispered Shiro. "Do you see her?"

"O-Ouhh... ot eeyeh..." But soon. Not yet, but I felt it seeping deep within me. Not yet, but... _this_ way. I knew not to but I couldn't help a surge of relief crowding into my heart. Clutching Shiro tightly, my heart beat so—so... warmly I couldn't believe it. So I tugged, gently, not daring to let go, and while a small fragment of reluctance floated onto his features, he did follow.

"Hissss waeey, hiiisss waaaaey," and I stumbled as I went but I didn't care. Every once in awhile some other ghost's moan would cut into my mind, and I'd see one of them numbering the bodies up ahead, and perhaps I thought a little about their existence swarming the area ahead but I hadn't it in me to care. I'd see my friend, someone who came so far with me on this... disgusting journey.

Up a hallway, a turn left, up a staircase, another turn. Some candle flickered in the corner of my vision as I worked my way up, up, up each stair leading to a third floor, and I caught sight of another lighting the way ahead, but it was within this impasse that I finally heard her fierce, flush tone.

"Die already. I hear you crying and I know, I know, I _know_ it's gonna be soon. Put down that phone. Stop looking at it." The rumble of a growl curling into her voice. "Die, die, die die _die die die_!"

My heart hammered. I wrenched my gaze up to Shiro, who let out a small breath and led me down, down another flight, where nestled just by the entrance to a hallway sat this boy. O-Older than me, that was for sure. He had an older phone model in his hand as he scrolled through images, laughing quietly to himself. His tone listed from a mumble to something I could actually comprehend, so I only caught snippets of his conversation with him...self.

Something about a—a person, _Ma_ yu. A school. Loneliness. Something... vile, something I heard less than I saw with the pained stretch of his expression. The way his head tilted back and hit the wall and he told this Mayu lovely things she probably couldn't hear, seeing he was alone.

I began to question whether or not I'd heard Nari at all until a figure leaned into the doorway, pressing her shoulder into the wall and staring into the boy's phone like it was her own personal property, making snide comments at whatever it was she saw on there. Her body was more fizzled than present and it took long, painful seconds to discern any distinguishing factors whatsoever in her shady expression and a face I-I _swear_ I once knew.

My body... wasn't all fuzzy like that. I had angles, curves, features where there had been features before my demise.

And my... color. I wasn't red. Wh-Why was... Nari red? Why wasn't I red? I wanted to be red if _she_ was... red. I didn't get why I couldn't be red too. Wasn't I a girl? If I'd only seen male ghosts and they were all blue but _Nari_ was _red_ then I think _I_ should be red like _her_ like my _friend_ like dear—dear—my _dear—_ Nari-chan.

Shiro fell away from my grip. "ARIIII! ARI-SHAH ARI-SHAAAAhhh!" As I let go I felt that chill seeping in through my pores and I hardly cared; I threw myself at my friend and we both tumbled to the floorboards, my head passing through the boy's leg. He didn't notice, di-didn't even look up, but I wasn't paying attention to him. Some... living boy.

"Ari, Ari..." I mumbled, "Ari... he-here yoo are..." O-Oh, it almost came out right... _here_ sounded more like _heah_ , but... _close_ , it was so _close_. "Ari, I missehhh you... Ari..."

As I nuzzled my head into her, this... this _coldness_ , this chill I certainly hadn't felt before, even alongside my own numbness, buffeted me. I shook my head and tightened my grip on my friend. "A-Ari... yor soh... soh colllh... Why are you so... colh?" I froze at my p-pathetic mispronunciations, but she hardly reacted.

Her blurry face, once so sharp and smooth and fierce, approached mine. Icy breath pooled over me. "Naana, Naaaaaana-chaaan..." Recognition made its steady trickle into her tone. I didn't feel much of a difference, though; if anything, I was... more cold. My body began to collapse into itself, clutching tightly to Nari. "So we _both_ ended up fucking dead."

That stopped me. I coughed. "Ari..!"

When she grinned, I caught a hint of tongue in her mouth and let out a breath. I-It was obvious with her speech but... hey, I... felt happy she hadn't ended up like me. "At least a bucket of _oil_ wasn't poured over _your_ body and left to burn, huh? I see you've lost your tongue, though." Ticking, ticking silence. "Oh, the _fuck_ , that's _it_? They cut the _tongue_ out of your goddamn skull and you _died_? So now that's _all_ you fucking _feel_ is the _pain_ in your _mouth_?"

An emotion I hadn't seen Nari so visibly display before creeped over what little expression she had left: envy. Envy toward my missing tongue.

Wheezing, I cried, "Ariiii, Ariii! I-I'm so so so-sorry! Ari..." And I think I was crying, but I couldn't really tell. Her face was too blurry to make much of a difference either way.

"Naana, you _bitch_." An ugly wound of a smile cut over her lips and she chuckled lowly. Pulling herself back, effectively letting me spill over the ground, her foot kicked my head aside. Then she laughed again. "Why the fuck couldn't _I_ die like that? Dammit, I have to feel this heat for the rest of eternity and you just have a shitty _tongue_ to cry over! You little _bitch_ , Naana!" Giggles cut into her voice. I couldn't understand her very well. "You—You _bas_..." Rolled her eyes. "PFFFF, BASTARD, BASTARD, _BAS_ TARD!" And she kicked me again, her laughter shrill.

I felt so cold. I curled into myself.

"GODDAMMIT, I _HATE_ YOU, NAANA-CHAN! YOU'RE THE WORST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD! _CHIHAYA'S_ BETTER COMPANY THAN FUCKING _YOU_! _ULHHH_ , I'M SO _SSSICK_ OF YOU AND YOUR SMUG LITTLE FUCKING _TONGUE_ , I—RRRHH!"

Hissing, hissing as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Nari-ku—"

Suddenly I recalled Shiro's existence.

"OH, LOOK, NAANA-CHAN GOT HERSELF A FUCKING BOYFRIEND WHEN SHE DIED! WOW, DEATH'S DOING HER BETTER THAN LIFE EVER DID, HUH?"  
So she didn't remember him.

" _Nari-kun—_ "

"SHUT UP, YOU BITCH! LIKE I'D LISTEN TO AN ASS LIKE YOU WHO'D HANG AROUND _HER_! LEAVE ME THE _FFFFFUCK_ ALONE!"

And I... And I couldn't hear them very well anymore. I thought I could hear Shiro try again, and again, and be shot down each time he raised his voice for Nari-chan to hear, but I just didn't know. My mind spun, lost in a sea of empty nothingness, this blackness I couldn't break free from. The throbbing that encompassed me had shackled me to the earth and I just saw this horrible, stained red face laughing as she kicked me aside.

I remembered once. Something from a long time ago. Something about a girl, a girl who later became a friend, a friend who followed me where I went, whether I went to drama club or band or art class or math tutoring after school, a friend who told me once she had no hobbies but she liked what I did. Because she thought I made class more interesting.

She thought I was special. Special enough to be her friend, her _cherished_ friend, the friend she could go to when she was too scared to go home. Home was supposed to be a safe place, someplace where you could be happy, be loved, but not all homes were like mine.

My home became hers, in a sense.

Then I realized Nari would never go home with me again.

I probably would have laid there for a very long time had the window not shattered.

With a violent, _sshHHRHRRKCKKCKKK_ , I felt shards pass through my ghostly figure and I heard them sSSCRAPing all over the walls and bbbBBREAKing all across each other, exploding midair and slowly tumbling far below like glitter.

I gasped. And then I stood. And I ran to the window behind me and I stared out below and I watched the boy hit, _pfhfh_ , the ground. And I watched him for a long time but he didn't move.

When I fell backwards, I bumped against Shiro and suddenly my heart swooned up into my throat and I felt my breath spiraling all around me as I collapsed to his side and tried and tried and tried not to let go again. My fingers twitched and the cold invited me, the numbness that made all of these terrible people doing terrible things go away, but his grip was tight and that was it.

A shriek of laughter burned through the hall. I felt more than heard Nari whisper, " _Ffffuck, yeah_ ," beckoning to the boy. The _corpse_.

I lost track of time. Nari went off at some point in search of what she called _another victim_ , someone else to watch die. I was... too scared to try and talk her out of it.  
A part of me deep down inside knew it would be useless to do so anyways.  
But I hated that part of me, so I shoved it further into my festering darkness far within.

Shiro and I sat against the far wall. We were both so quiet. Nothing to... talk about, with what we had hanging in between us. I pressed my cheek to his shoulder, and if he cared, he didn't say so.

It was so quiet.

I felt comfy where I was, though. M-Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did, so I clung to that notion.

Eventually, pressing my cold lips together, I mumbled, "I miss Ari."

Shiro's presence returned to me, full attention and all. "That wasn't Nari."

"Ouh. Ih wasuhh." I didn't really care how my voice sounded. "Ari is... ouh more."

Murmuring over my words, Shiro nodded. "No more." He gently pressed a hand to my shoulder. He was probably just trying to comfort me, but... I felt a gap in his words, a slight tremble in his grip.

Then a sigh. In the corner of my vision, Shiro's head bowed. "Wh-Whah are you—"

"I'm..." His lips worked and reworked into an almost-smile. "I want to pray for Nari."

"O-Oh. Ohhhkay."

It felt kinda weird sitting in that new sense of silence. My parents weren't all that religious and none of that had... rubbed off onto me, and I didn't really know what to do with myself as I waited, my cheeks all hot, my thoughts a blur. But it was the thought that counted, and I made a little smile when he raised his head and locked eyes with me.

When I stood again, my eyes swiveled back to that accursed window and I gaped when I saw that the boy's cor-corpse no longer laid where it had been before. And I c-could have been wrong, but I didn't want to be wrong, so I believed that he was still alive somewhere. Suddenly he meant the world to me, just because he had yet to let go of his last breath.  
He'd gone through far more than me at this school. I didn't need to know anymore than I already did to know that.

"He's... ohh... oh... ahhhh..." I realized postmortem I no longer retained the ability to recite a word as small and simple as _gone_. Maybe if I worked around with that _guh_ sound I could... try to force it out of my throat, like _kuh_ , but that also weirded me out a little and I didn't care enough to try as it was. "He's ot here aehhey more."

"Oh... Well that's very good." Y-Yeah. Shiro might've prayed again but I didn't look back so I didn't find out.  
I couldn't imagine holding onto a religion in a place like this. H-How it would work, what it meant de-depending on your belief when _this_ became your afterlife... b-but then I didn't have the courage to ask... and I felt like it might be... rude...

Perhaps he caught the funny look in my gaze, because with a little smile, Shiro murmured, "It's hard to continue my, ah, faith in a place like this. I want to think that this... nirvana, of sorts, blocked off any other afterlife. For now at least. But it's been so long that it's possible I'm just a stubborn old ghost who can't let go of his old beliefs."

"Ouh, is..." I shrugged, a little smile working onto my own lips. "Is _coohl_."

"Pff. I never thought I'd be called that by someone." And he waited as I strung my fingers into his sleeve, gripping tightly to it as a flush of heat warmed my clinging chills.

So I bumped against him. Smirked a little. "Yer _cool_ , Shiro." And he laughed, and he had a nice laugh. It wasn't scary.

I didn't think laughs should be scary, but... well, a-anyways, his wasn't, and that was nice.  
But I missed Nari. My Nari.

My heart throbbed weakly, like it had gone... raw. And it hurt to think about, but I felt another tug somewhere beneath our glowing feet, somewhere further below than I'd like to think my dear Chihaya-chan would go. But I guess she did.

That small part of me told me I already knew what would happen if I went to see her. But I managed to shrug it off and tell myself it might be otherwise. I-I couldn't just... assume that because of what happened to one friend, the other would be the same way. Besides, I... _Chihaya_...

So we went. I explained what I felt to Shiro and we slipped down beneath the soil, pushed more than anything into the depths of the place I last saw before my death.

It didn't take very long to find her. Quiet sobbing just loud enough to attract attention while still soft enough not to come off as much of a nuisance led us into a restroom I had no idea existed so far down here. There, in the girls' room, she sat tucked in a corner, bawling gently into her hands.

She was red too. I tried to ignore that.

She didn't... look all that scary. Didn't s-sound all that scary.

Just sad.

"Shi"—I winced—"Shihaya-shaaaah..." I sat down next to her, my free hand wrapping around her side as the other one clasped tightly to Shiro. "Is... me! A-Aaaaha..." Didn't realize I couldn't say my own name unt-until I tried. H _-_ H _a._ "Ahhd Shiro! You rememhhher him?

I couldn't say whether or not Chihaya even acknowledged me. There was a pang in my heart. I tried again. "Shihaeeyaaaa... Is me... I miss you, Shihaya... I-I'm sorry ahouhh whah happehh..."

This, I noted, my heart spiking, returned a color to her cheeks. It was with this that I noticed the number of... fuzzy lines coursing over her body in off... chunks. Stripes down her chest. A line like a noose around her neck. This net-looking mesh of cuts all over her face.

My mind moved back to Nari, and I realized my dear... Chihaya must have been in a lot of pain. A stone sunk to the pit of my stomach. I tried to swallow.

"Naana-chan..." Finally, her tiny, frail voice wafted upon me. I could have cried, I was so relieved, was I not so drained as it was. Instead I sagged against her. "Naana, Naana... you said"—and then I straightened to the urgency in her tone—"you said I could _blame_ you, if things ended up bad, right? You said so... You said so..." A hot flush burned into my cheeks as I remembered her asking earlier, back when we were all still...

Nari tried to tell her off about it, but Nari wasn't here to tell her off about it anymore.

And I knew I didn't have it in me to deter Chihaya. Because I'd... always... Nnnn _nnnh_ , Chihaya was so... sweet, and maybe fragile but I liked the comforting sense she gave off, the way she'd attach herself to me when I was around and how we always hung out after school, how we'd go shopping together and do stupid, frivolous, _normal_ things.

How I really... _liked_ her.  
How I'd started to question just how... much I liked her. And I let her walk all over me sometimes but she was so gentle and innocent I didn't mind and I knew she didn't mean it, she was just so... attached.

Besides, Nari always made Chihaya sound like a spoiled... brat. B-But she wasn't... not always... not really... Sh-She just was fragile sometimes, about little things you could learn to avoid if you got to know her. Ch-Chihaya, I...

"Is it your fault, Naana? Is it your fault we're dead now?"

I flinched. _Was_ it my fault?

Hikari found the charm online somewhere. I never even had a say in any of that; I just... we-went along with it. Like everyone else. Nari's the one who thought it was stupid, who said we didn't need a dumb "piece of paper" to be friends.

Chihaya came to her own conclusion while I stared dumbly ahead. "I can... _say_ it's your fault. Right? I can say it's your fault. And I can believe it, too."

Swallowing, I mumbled, "Shi-Shi _ha_ ya...shah..."

Even if she did think back and decide to mark Hikari as the culprit, Chihaya didn't like to pin her problems onto people she didn't know very well. And she... didn't know Hikari very well.

H-Honestly, nothing about her felt all that... different, u-unlike Nari.  
She was just... so... sad. H-Hopeless. Desolate.

Yet I couldn't bring myself to leave. My heart burned to sit next to her, to... fall into this pain with her, to cry about it, to complain about it, to find solace in the fact that at least she was here with me, at least I could still be around her, even if she did say I was to blame.

I couldn't... bring myself to stay, either.

Shiro stayed quiet throughout the duration of the ordeal, his eyes swimming as he took the both of us in. Two little ghosts, just as lost as he, just as broken and pathetic and unsaved and everything else as someone they'd never even met while he was still alive.

I caught his eyes behind those glasses of his—so... _refined_ , and it was kind of funny how well they suited his soft yet sharp appearance, how well his crisp suit fit him and how elegant he came off as. I really... liked that about him. And he always made an effort to be respectful toward the three of us... he made s-such an effort to be polite to me, even as I made dumb mistakes and hurt myself a lot more than anything else got done. Heh...

When I stood, retaking my place by Shiro's side, Chihaya's head snapped up at me. She wailed, softly, gently, "Noo... Naana-chaaan... don't leave me by myself... it's scary... it's so scary..." Bawling, she curled into herself. "Naanaaaaa... this is your fault... this is your fault, Naana..."

I swallowed, and I felt that throbbing inside of me again. It really wasn't impossible for me to stay. I could... be with her again. And it'd just be us—w-wasn't that something I'd wanted before..?

I ripped my heart out of my chest and squeezed it, pulsating, when I turned away from her. I whispered under my breath, "I love you," and I couldn't tell if I meant _love_ or _loved_ sin-since I couldn't pronounce both of them anymore. But I didn't know.

I just... c-couldn't stay there.

Maybe I'd come back sometime. But maybe she wouldn't welcome me. Not that... this last appearance had... felt very welcoming. He-Heh.

Funny to think I would've stayed with her had Shiro not been there. I-I... certainly would've. But I didn't want to think about it... I-I _didn't_ want to think about it...

So we left.

…

Far away from that abandoned corner, I met the boy again. But he was like us now.

A fuzzy heart etched across his chest. He told me that it hurt a lot. It felt better being around other ghosts like us but it still... hurt a lot.  
But he said sometimes it felt good. Because it felt like love to him.

He said he loved someone, but she was dead now like all of us and he couldn't find her. He heard her voice sometimes—and later we heard her too—but she didn't seem to have the courage to show herself.

He was in drama club at his school too.

I decided I liked being around him.

Heh... Shiro felt that the trip had been a bit too much for him, so he went back to his stall.

We all hung out in that restroom a lot, and it sounds pretty pathetic and maybe it was, but it was also a really fun time.

Mayu eventually showed herself to us. She liked to hide in the walls, in the floor, anywhere to conceal herself. I couldn't say if she was pretty or not since her features were so fuzzy—like... Nari's—but I kind of saw her. And I could pronounce her name. U-Unlike Shig. Unlike Souichiro.

I liked them. They were nice.

It made everything a little better.

O-Of course, that was... until the day Mayu disappeared... and came back half-alive... and came back scary... and Shig started losing pieces of his mind... and I was left almost completely alone again.

But Shiro didn't go anywhere. So I didn't go anywhere either.

He said it was funny that I thanked him so much, but he... liked it too. Which was great because I... really liked him, and that was something I kept to myself but it was something.

I felt so weird saying it, though, so much as I enjoyed that warmth in me afterward. _Hannhk you_.

 **This was... a very different chapter xD**

 **also _very_ long, haha  
I wrote the majority of this in a little over two hours while half falling asleep but that's not important xD I just really wanted to write... so uh _here I am_**

 **all pronunciations of Nana's are possibly terrible since I don't have my tongue cut out/don't know anyone whose tongue is cut out and I tried to do research into what people sound like with their tongue cut out and I found some stuff but not a ton xD  
I did my best? haha**

 **Lots of headcanon-y stuff happened in this chapter! Nana may or may not have/had feelings for Chihaya and/or Shiro so there's that  
did she? did not? I dunno xD  
Also Nari has family problems, which I got stupid feelsy about because I can relate haha  
I keep putting so much into fictional characters that I don't even own whatsoever pffff  
Hmm what else... Oh and Shiro has a religion xD I just... I dunno he reminds me of people from back then and most of them believed in something cuz it was The Norm(? sort of?) so that happened  
geez imagine being of faith and also being dead at HH like, yikes**

 **oh and blue ghosts can find comfort by being around each other, that's also a headcanon(ish?) thing, but it's mostly me thinking, Well, Souchiro isn't even an hh victim so he doesn't have issues like most of them so being around him's probably a lot better for your health hahahaha  
I have no idea how the whole faith thing works if he was dead for a long time before hh  
 _does anybody know_**

 **ah well xD I'll stop rambling now xD**

 **this'll probably be the indefinitely "last chapter" of After Host for who knows  
and if you're reading right now and see there's another chapter after this one then I guess I was wrong, my bad, haha**


	12. Dwindling, Remaining, Humanity

**I like how I keep going, okay, I'm done writing fanfiction  
but in the end it doesn't even matter  
hahahaaaa I mean I just keep coming back anyways  
this is a fun place  
I may never grow out of this phase haha I have literally written a 50,000 word not-fanfiction novel and I keep coming back**

 **one day I'll be a fully-fledged freelance author and I'll still be writing some crazy fanfiction on the side just for funzies  
I'm calling it now it'll be xenoblade chronicles**

 **hahaha, anyways the reason I've returned to After Host is because I had this CRAZY CORPSE PARTY DREAM two nights ago that essentially inspired Amao (who you will meet shortly). Because it... was Amao. Except it ended differently in my dream. Haha, more on that at the end I guess.**

 **Oh uh... recap? After Host takes place after BoS/BD in this instance where after BD goes off the walls ludicrous, BoS kicks in and everything repeats. And it doesn't stop. My reasoning(?) for this is that well (1) Sachiko had a little too much fun trying to kill everyone and was like, oh no, five of them lived, or maybe (2) it was out of her control but people aren't supposed to escape so she's stuck redoing everything after FINALLY HAVING A RETRIBUTION IN BLOOD DRIVE, FEELS BAD MAN.**

 **After Host happens when everyone lives, which I depict in this other crazy story I wrote called Corpse Party: Broken Bones: Bloody Bonds which is an insane crossover haha.  
Anyways essentially they all eventually make it out alive. After so much torture and death though.**

After Host

12: Dwindling, Remaining, Humanity

 _Morishige_

I returned here thoughtlessly, endlessly, as if I wound about uselessly, like a toy train, on the same tracks. The child who guided me had yet to find any amusement in anything other than routine, so here I was, again, and again. Amazing how she had not yet tired, yes?

Honestly, I hate children. They're... gooey, and messy, and they lack any semblance of mannerism. I don't understand how Mayu can stand them, how Seiko has yet to strangle her little siblings, how I haven't lost my mind yet.

Well, knowing the damned school, I probably have, already, scores over. Just not yet, this time around.

Around and around I went. There I was again, admiring her corpse. I believe in this particular circumstance the ghost-children had chosen to get a little crafty and stuck her into a stall in the boys' restroom. It should have been disgusting—always should have been disgusting, yet there I lay, enthralled, ensnared, enraptured, in her stall.

I don't even remember what I found so beautiful about her. Fitting.

Other than the little female-corpse-in-a-men's-stall gag the children had gotten so crafty about, I believe everything else had gone on rather the same. It would explain why I recall none of it. And it stayed the same, my phone snapping photos, my mind perpetually sapped by the exotic, intoxicating allure of her pale, flushed, desecrated body drenched in sweat and innards.

And it all stayed the same until I stepped back, panting, my jittery fingers clenching the wooden walls, scraped by scores of individuals trapped in death-like trances not all that different from my own, too exhausted to hold myself up any longer. It all was the same, and soon enough I'd return to the entranceway, try and find Taguchi, our meeting-place fruitless because it seemed like all he did was never show up.

That is, until I exited the stall, leaning against the wall, and I happened to glance upwards. No real reason why. I had taxed myself, I was tired, my eyes went where they did.

A peculiar white slip of paper had been squished between rotted boards. Curiosity had me reach up and wrench it loose. A shower of wood bits and dried blood dusted over me. The paper, stained where it lay crunched against the ceiling, was typed in a nifty, straight font.

Such white paper, too. I'd only ever seen natty old scraps.

A banner at the top read: **REPORT ON MISSING STUDENT FROM HEAVENLY HOST.** So one of the stories about the dead children. Wonderful.

At the time, I fancied the thought that the child was the one in the stall. Of course not, she was always the same, but I didn't know. I never did until...

I still read it anyways. "Amao Shouzo, a first—goodness—a _first_ grader of Heavenly Host Elementary—her remains found within the paneling of her own house. In the basement of all places. Dastardly." I shivered. I couldn't say if from horror or pleasure. Horrible, huh? "Apparently despite the fact that she'd been missing for years, the parents had never noticed the stench until... then.

Scanning the dates at the top, it appeared little Amao had passed away some twenty years prior to the deaths of the ghost children I had grown used to seeing in the halls of the school. 1955. She could have been my grandmother, by now. "Obvious slash marks around her neck as well as... bruises, like she was partially strangled only to be cut across the jugular. Bruises across her chest, too, like she was kicked? Oh my."

Her photocopied corpse eerily resembled the sort of prop one would find in a play. I couldn't unsee my insensitive feelings for what the situation truly made up. Perhaps that's why I was so...

"Well I am dearly sorry for your loss, little first grader." I probably didn't sound any amount sincere, but I figured if she showed up and killed me for it, at least I wouldn't have to deal with the lack of empathy that had crept into my throat.

...Mayu would be crying, if she were here. _Shig,_ she'd say, _that's horrible. We should go find that girl and comfort her._ Sweet, smiling Mayu, her green eyes wet with the dew of her pain, her lips crumpled into a moue... ah.

I supposed if I happened to run into a little ghost girl who fit the description of a partially-strangled six-year-old, there would be no harm in wishing her well.

...And what if she knew the whereabouts of Mayu? Hah.  
I never thought myself so naive, but...

In any case, I pocketed the slip of paper and moved on, throwing one last glimpse into the stall with the body. She'd been hung, this time around. Impossible to tell if the ghosts did it before or after she was already dead, but it was a bit of a different flavor to the whole affair.

God, I can't believe I'd see her that way.

After my hike through empty corridors—but for ever-present corpses and an overly-chilly breeze— finding my confirmation that Taguchi had _not_ , in fact, showed up to our meeting-place, typical of him, I sat myself down and pondered my predicament. Having little else to do, having already excavated more than enough of the hallways—and particularly bored by it—I figured I could return to my beloved deceased beauty's side. All I had this time around was the first grader's strangely new-looking report, and I doubted I would find much else. However, I had started to wonder—what if I did find her? What if she held the key to unlocking the damn pathway to Mayu I've been lacking for so long? What if _she_ could be the child who fixed my goddamn tracks and got me to her?

Desperate. Always desperate for her. The—The _hope_ of her presence burned a bright hole through my chest, letting some trickle of light in, turned me away from the silly woman's corpse—and for once I could think for myself again. Silly me, of course leaving the corpse behind would only take me further away from Mayu, so to speak. But I didn't know that yet. Ah, so naive.

One of the niches of the school I vaguely recalled, some sort of reference room on the third floor, piqued my interest. If I'd found part of a newly-written article, it would make sense the reference room would hold the rest of it, yes? Perhaps the child spirit too. The door, of course, was locked, so I took a long rambling tirade of rummaging through the pockets of the ample dead bodies scattered about until I'd located the blasted key in some poor fellow's threadbare blazer.

I did not find the girl inside.

My shoulder—wedged into the door, which had grown stuck after somebody died against the other side, their dried blood proving a sticky ordeal. Once I'd kicked the body aside, I turned to the back walls, flanked in an array of all sorts of paper material.

I didn't even hear the breathing, so used to being on my own.

Toward the bottom of one of the latter shelves, I sifted through a thin stack of newer articles. None of them had the piece cut out like my slip of paper, which I checked on each page, attempting to fit it into ominously ripped-out spots like the barren chest of a corpse stabbed too many times through to count.

Something's shadow had encroached my light, and I squinted to make out the words.

All of my searching, and all that met my match was a ratty old bit of work with the same date tacked on the top corner, and the same name enclosed within the report.

I compared passages. "Nearly... identical. Except in this... ah, older-looking one, it appears she died of a... suffocation? No wounds, even, just all-out suffocation. How'd—"

" _RrruuuUUUOOORRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!_ "

 _BAHHHH—_ A mallet slammed down just—brushed by my leg.

I glared up at a soulless, gray face. Two shimmery red eyes took refuge within rotting flaps of skin. "What, are you going to kill me or not?" Frankly, I didn't even care.

Maybe I should've.  
Maybe some part of me already knew of Mayu's whereabouts, deep within the pit of my soul, the part of me that wanted to pretend everything would end the way I wanted. Hah. A liar, that.

Her fate was tattooed across my aching chest. I had fallen in love with feigning ignorance toward it.

Yoshikazu sort of... glared back at me, or tried to. He forced some awkward moaning sounds that he had to really scrunch his mouth to make, then furrowed his decaying brow, which flecked off at the motion.

Evidently he had no idea what to do with me. I suppose he was pretty used to the same old screaming and crying, then he'd swing his mallet through their skull and it was over. Maybe take a few tries, what with his utterly shoddy aim—Exhibit A, the swing that landed past my leg. But the silence of someone else facing their next death head-on, not even batting an eye?

He pouted. Then he got up and left. Just like that. I could make out the faint imprint of his footsteps, throbbing faintly with the beat of my headache as he left me behind, my heart still beating—barely, just _faint_ ly _,_ but beat it did.  
What a dastard, leaving me to perhaps starve to death instead.

I wondered if he was the one entrusted with the task of dragging the girl's corpse up into the boys' room stall, hanging her by her just-cold, dead-flesh neck, then leaving her to be, waiting for my mindless euphoria-shot response.

Shook my head. Let out a breath. Returned to my creased page. "So why would she be dead in a complete other fashion in this version? It... doesn't make sense." I consulted each of my prospects, identical enough to be uncanny until I got to the actual text, in the same neat font, telling the tale in two vaguely different ways.

...was she like us?

I couldn't say. I wanted to meet her, to ask her, to beg her to help...

But she never came. Of course not. She had no reason to. I was an insincere little... _prick_ , who cared not about her situation, just for her results, if I could reciprocate them. And she was a first grader: the hell did she know?

It didn't stop me from wondering. As my head throbbed, soft and heavy like the never-ending rain, as my stomach reminded me that supper had come and gone deep into the nadir of night—a never-ending night—I must have fallen asleep. Mixed between throes of aching and wanting and hurting and hating, and never having enough, I tilted as I fell back and hit the ground.

Then I fell through the floor. Of course I did. So damned unsafe. The very floorboards just _cracked_ apart and I sailed, momentarily weightless, before my back slammed against an elementary-schooler's once-desk, apparently now a knife-sharpening-utensil, judging by the marks scrawled into it. My head split and my gaze swam as I tipped myself upwards—and then something fell through the hole above me.

A sack. It hit me, hard, and I fell again. I maybe even fell unconscious. It's all a gritty blur.

But of course it hit me. Why wouldn't it?

When I sat up—too woozy to get any farther than that—I leaned myself against an arm as my eyes fought through into the gloom. My glasses, foggy—sprayed in a thin coat of somebody's blood. Mine? Yoshikazu's? I had no way of knowing.

I wiped them off as I tried to work myself into a standing position. Satisfied with the fact that it simply wasn't going to happen, I scooted, feeling myself the fool I appeared, all the way down until I felt along and located the massive sack that had rudely bopped me cross the skull.

The top had unraveled. A blond head poked out—

"Kishinuma," I whispered, my voice hoarse, stuck in my throat, before gently shaking the fool boy by the shoulder. No motion. My heart spiked. " _Kish_ inuma, do _not_ tell me you—" I kept shaking him, furious with him for getting himself—and me—into this situation, with myself for getting so worked up about it, for whoever the hell had done this to him...

Being Kishinuma, he lifted his head and groaned. Spat a wad of blood.

"Y-You're alive."

Where had this... emotion... come from? It felt like a... pinch in my throat—no, it _was_ , my chest, it... hurt.

Expected to spit up a wad of blood myself, but it never came.

The delinquent he was, Kishinuma just blew his hair out of his face and grinned at me. His face made up at least five different disaster zones: his nose broken in two places, his teeth a bloodied mess, some scratches down his cheeks. "And you sound surprised."

"Of course I am. We were on the third floor and I fell and some idiot threw you in this _sack_ down on top of—"

"Haaaaaahhh..." His deep, throaty tone wavered, his expression weakening. "Fucking—Must've been Yoshikazu, the... bastard." He found his arms, and he pulled himself out of the sack—clumsily, slowly, his movements jagged and cumbersome.

I clambered over him and tugged the thing off of his feet, tossing it aside. His eyes fell on me. "The hell'd you do that for?"

"You look a mess, Kishinuma. You weren't going to do it yourself."

He huffed. "Don't say that. I bet I could've."

I snorted. He snorted back.

Once I'd managed a standing position, I reached out a hand. He took it. We both nearly toppled over with the amount of _weight_ he pushed into me.

Narrow, biting blue-gray eyes edged my way. "So... how've you been holding up, buddy?"

"Buddy," I muttered. My drab expression certainly told him enough. "I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm disgusting. It shouldn't be so hard for a blunt idiot like you to make that out."

"Hmmmmm." He... chortled. Caught the way I looked at him and the laugh bubbled in his throat. "You get so _cranky_ when you're hungry! If there's anything I know about you after your damn auditions... Ooyyyyy I wish I had some food on me. It's gonna be an _noy_ ing to put up with you like this, sheeeeeesh!"

"I am _not_ " _—_ but I was doing exactly that and felt my stubborn cheeks burn. "So I am. My apologies."

Kishinuma shoved a little against me. I couldn't tell if it was due to the fact that he thought he was being a cool, hip _friend_ or couldn't stand on his own. "At least you're owning up to it, uh?"

The way he spoke... "Kishinuma, what's wrong? You sound even worse than usual."

"Haaaa, hah." But that was it. No biting remark, no feeble tactics to divert my insult: nothing. I saw it now, his head slumped on his shoulders, and his eyes couldn't even bear to meet me. He... leaned against me, and I didn't push him aside this time.

Hah. I felt like making some remark about it, how much I hated letting others... touch me.  
But I'd lost it. The... fire. He just, his _face_...

Why did I care so much, all of a sudden?

"Kishinuma, really. Now you're just worrying me for the sake of it."

"Gaaaaah." He let out a yawn. His pale face... blue shadows stretched below his skin, his cold... skin. "It's... well...

Stuck in his throat. I bit my lip as to try and prevent some snide comment from escaping. "Shino—ahh, did I tell you? I haven't run into you much lately, uh... Ayumi, she... started letting me call her... Ayum—" cut himself off.

"Kishinuma, _really_ , what is—"

"She's dead." He raised a hand, let it fall again. "She's... dead. I didn't even... fucking see it happen." He spoke and his words fell, empty. "I just stumbled upon her... and she was..." Drew his palm across his sweating face. No, wait, intermingled with the sweat was... "Satoshi too! Like, god _dammit_! My best friend _and_ Ayumi! What the... actual...

He drew off, voice softer, softer, weaker in his throat. Then he let out a long drag of a breath. "We might be the only ones left, Taro."

A part of me—in my chest— _calling me Taro, dammit—_ but I couldn't... I couldn't muster it. Maybe to spite it, maybe because I just didn't care anymore, maybe because it was shorter, I muttered, "Yoshiki, that's..." Then I felt myself stiffen. "We can't possibly be the last. What about Yui? Or Yuka, Naomi, May—"

"No, you don't understand, _Taro_." Was he doing this on purpose or... not? "They're all _dead_. I _saw_ them. Our little bitch-friend _Sach_ iko, she _showed_ them too me, all of them, reaching out, trying to... to _grab_ me and I, and I... god _dammit_ , and I..."

I couldn't tell if he'd... lost his mind. But I figured continuing on in this sort of fashion wouldn't get us anywhere. "Listen. I, ah, I found this... clue. Some article about a first grader who was part of the Heavenly Host kidnapping. But it's—she's different. I thought, if we could find the rest of it, then..."

"Yeah, yeah, fantastic. Let's do that."

He shoved it all under the floorboards almost giddily. N-Not that I didn't help him.

We started out, exiting the classroom—well, it had been locked, but one of our falls had dislodged some boards in the wall, so we scrounged our way through it—and I depicted the contradicting events of Amao Shouzo, first grade paradox, for my friend. Kishinum— _Yoshiki_ figured it was all some dumb hoax and called me out for it, but in the end we had literally no other leads, so the first grade paradox it was.

...I'd never explored the halls with one of my... companions before. That woman from Yuuya Kizami's school—I never could remember her name— _she_ kept showing up, in my never-ending tracks, and the buffoon-cameraman Taguchi, but... with someone I... cared... about?  
Pfft. I feel like calling Yoshiki someone I _cared about_ was quite the overstatement.

But I couldn't express it, how... how concerned I was for his well-being, his obviously shattered expression, his shaking hands, the dead stare he equally gave to each of the corpses we passed by. He hadn't even considered how _I_ looked, the _living_ dead, with my literal red hands and stained glasses and frantic gaze that continually jerked in another direction. Like something was missing. Because it always was, wasn't it?

We tarried onward, us and our troubled souls, stuck unceremoniously close, spooking at the slightest breath of air. Despite his frequent visits, we'd yet to the treat of another unpleasant encounter with Yoshikazu—and certainly no other corporeal souls.

The walls dried my mind, the silence a dead weight picking up in my skull. I could feel my breath bouncing off of barriers of darkness and crashing tenfold inside of me.

It seemed I no longer held any sort of grip over my imagination.

I brushed against Yoshiki and asked, "How did you end up here? I don't... I hadn't seen you before.."

"Yeah." His gaunt eyes, hungry, cold, faced the ground with considerably equal disinterest. He must have been able to feel me there, alive, waiting, and he grit his teeth. "I dunno. It's sort of all a red blur." He pointed vaguely in the direction of this... bubbling gash on his forehead. Vile, oozing blood and some other clear fluid, slowly flecking down into his brow. His sticky hair partially obscured the worst of it.

I felt my heart give.

"M-My God, when did that—"

With a shrug, he cut the words in my throat. "I dunno. Like I _said_ , it's sort of all a red fucking blur."

"Right." He wasn't usually this testy... calling _me_ testy... W-Well, I suppose he had reason to be. "But, ah... Shinozaki, you say you saw...

I drew off. "Never mind." Gratefully, he sagged, bumped against me—went rigid. I pretended not to notice and stopped for a moment to rub a spot off of my glasses. Waited a beat, two, three, then continued after a small gap had developed between us.

How did I never notice how... _clear_ ly uncomfortable he was around me?  
He had good reason to as well.

Argh, I—I remember once, while still at school, before we came here and seemingly lost the ability to leave as our fates repeated endlessly—before all of that. I remember once he'd stayed after class to ask me something, what it was slips me—but I remember that he took too long, something of the sort, and then he _lurched_ into me and my glasses fell off and he _stepped_ on my glasses, like he _does_ , and...

I don't know. I guess he didn't feel as uncomfortable then. My hand involuntarily reached into my pocket, thumb slipping between the snap that held my phone shut. I thought of them, all of them, lurking in the dark of my pocket.  
It's entirely possible he's seen me... beforehand, before _this_ time around...

I thought of that girl again, the little first grader girl who died more than one death. Swallowed.

Then I lost my footing. Slammed against the floorboards, which crunched under a weight that bent it like putty into its undying will. My hands flung out from under me and I managed to catch myself, breathing, heavy—and I watched as the very ground in front of me began to crumble, crackling, splinters slipping into an unearthly black abyss.

"Kishinum..." I started, my voice drying as it left me. He wouldn't falter. I tried to force myself to my feet and—found that... _twist_ ed my ankle, the one I perhaps landed on earlier when I fell through the third floor.

Oh, great. Now he'll continue along on his merry way without me.

My breath caught.

"YOSHIKI, DAMMIT, YOU DENSE BRICK!"

He jolted, turned around—face painted an ashy white. "WHAT THE—THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FELL ON TOP OF—" I cut myself off. "THE GROUND IS FALLING THROUGH! YOU'RE GOING TO—"

The buffoon, he didn't even think twice about it, just _leaped_ over the gap in the floorboards, snagged me onto my feet, then cut a hot glare at the shattering ground below us. "I am about do something that will make you angry."

"Just like everything else you've done before, then," I huffed, and then as if to spite me, he—tugged me into his arms. I was about to shove him aside when... the blonde bastard utilized what little extra momentum my weight had allowed him in order to launch the two of us over the other side.

He scooted back, hands up, face a blotchy red like the wound on his forehead. "I told you."

"You did." I regarded him. And he did. So... annoying as he was, he did warn me. "Why did you go out of your way to..." I didn't notice I'd done it until I collapsed to the ground.

It appeared walking would no longer be an option for me.  
Oh, dammit, Yoshiki would have to... or _something_ of the sort at the very least.

Finding some gap in the wall behind me, I pointedly stared at some spot down the shivering hallway as I forced my way back into a standing position. My hands, stained and jittery and covered in splinters, I held out in front of me and stared at, palms up. Pale. So pale. Tired. How I was tired. A vulgar, weighted mass had clambered up over my shoulders and situated itself on top of me, I was so...

Shook my head. Faced Yoshiki. "Well... shall we go on?"

His lip hooked into this sly, idiotic grin, the sort I hadn't seen on him in such a time now. Nothing, really, to be missed, especially when that lousy expression found itself on his face so _often_ , but I hadn't...seen it in so long. "You are a freaking idiot. Just gonna act like that didn't happen when I am _right here_." He pointed at my foot, the one I gingerly rested against the ground just lightly enough to hopefully feign use. " _Ma_ yu calls you an actor but you sure...

He stopped himself. Coughed into a fist. Smoothed over his hair—paused and hesitantly dropped his hand when it got stuck in a wad of red. "Let's get out of here. This place? Gaaaaah, creeps me out." Without explanation, he sauntered over to me and stood there, staring into my exhausted face.

"What?"

"Lean on me. _God_. You're not gonna get anywhere if you fall every point five steps."

I narrowed my gaze. "Considerate of you." Lacking any better solution, I took him up on his offer.

It hurt. It hurt, standing so near another human being, feeling their—their body's _heat_ press up against my own, his eyes muted, not quite meeting me again. The way I could sense his breathing, filling the corridor, pushing against me, I—I had to throw whatever I could in my head to not... panic, to force my breathing down.

Mayu. Goddammit, I always thought Mayu first.

But it helped, her quiet, even tone cascading over me, reciting from an old script made up of lines I partially created on the spot in my head—anything to keep her speaking, hear her over the intensity of all of the things going on around me. Being in this forsaken school at all. Being alone for so long—I thought... ah, I thought I would be fine, but a memory card full of corpse-shots didn't... really, ah...

Being so near to another person. I hated it. I truly did.

"Taro."

"Wh-What? Why are you calling me that now?"

He broke into my innermost feelings and shattered my little phantom-Mayu into the oblivion of the shadows clinging around us. "I dunno. I don't feel like calling you Morishige anymore. It's too stuffy. Too many syllables."

"You just like the way it gets a reaction out of me."

"Pffff. Well there you go." He shoved against me. I felt my breath catch. "You know me well enough. What's wrong with me calling you by a nickname, eh?"

"It feels weird. I'm not exactly... used to having this many friends, per—"

A... A _laugh_ spilled out of his mouth. He shoved against me a second time, like he'd get any results better than the first. "You can't say that to me, smartass!" I cringed; he continued. "Literally I had two friends"—holding up two tiny bloodied fingers on his hand—"before this nightmare that just, that I have yet to wake up from." He rolled his eyes. "So shut up."

"Hmmm."

I didn't know what to say.  
It was—I wasn't... used to... someone looking out for me like that. I mean, Mayu, but... somewhere in my heart I knew it had been so long since I'd last seen her. Longer than the evening between the charm and the school, longer still.

Yoshiki was... right. This school, it's a nightmare, one you fall asleep within and expect to wake up from, and even if you wake up dead as least you goddamn wake up.

We haven't. We think it's over, and then it resets, again, and again. How much _fun_ was Sachiko having with us, anyways?

My foot crunched over something.

Shuddering, I tugged Yoshiki back. He looked down and squatted over by the ground. "Oh, hey, a piece of paper. Except—oh, that's weird. Check out how... not old it looks." Instead of standing up, he wriggled the creased sheet in front of my eyes. Probably had a little fun watching me hobble awkwardly in place. "Weeeeiiiird."

He scanned over the pages. I folded my arms over my chest and said, "Yoshiki, I can hardly stand like this."

"Mmmmmm, too bad, too bad." His hand hovered over the page, casting a spider-like shadow over ripped text. "I'm _al_ most done with this here paragraph. Be patient."

"Your attitude is lousy, Yoshiki. I'm so tempted to crumple you up and throw you away like a failed test."

"Hah." He missed it. His expression had gone blank, an impasse. It, God, it bore an unsettling resemblance to the slumped corpse in a black uniform behind him. "Hey, uh..." I dropped whatever it was I'd considered hurling at him next. "This is about that girl, the little first grader one? Says she..."

Wait, the body, the one behind him...

I realized why it so resembled to his visage.

"Taro, listen, this time she was beheaded. Isn't that fucked up? That's three pretty different tales of the very same acc...ount. _Oy_." I felt more than noticed him snap the paper in front of my face. "What're you gawkin' at, huh?"

Crunching my hand into a fist, I shook my head. "Don't look behind you."

So of course he did, and his face—

When he met gazes with the glazed, empty eyes in Satoshi Mochida's glazed, empty skull, he visibly faltered. "Hhhhhholy—fuck, fuck, fuuuuck..."

His hand found mine and he used my weight to stand, and he kept muttering things under his breath and staring incoherently at the wall, the body of his best friend suspended beneath the abyss, his shaking fingers knit into my arm. Anything regarding my own condition was forgotten. I—the pressure he put on me, it...

But I lacked the resolve to brush him off.

"God..." He cupped a hand over his lips. "God _dAMMIT._ " Let out a chilly breath. "GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT, SATOSHI!

His gaze fell from the corpse and sunk into mine. "I TOLD YOU!" He tried to breathe and it came out a sucking, wet sob. "I TOLD YOU, I SAW IT, I SAW THEM ALL HAPPEN, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME... GOD, IS AYUMI NEXT? SEIKO, NAOMI, YUKA, WHO?"

In a gap between his words, moaning and softer and slower and ugly, so ugly, I tugged him backwards. If not for my grip on his shoulder, I would have fallen yet again. "Yoshiki. We aren't safe here. Whatever happened, we aren't..."

I shook him, pulled back farther. Somewhere in him he retained the sense to follow, stumbling blindly.

"Yoshiki, we're going to find out about this girl. We'll use whatever information she has to save the rest of us. If... If she can die this many ways, there must be something behind it, some way to spare us from our..."

The words that almost came out were so twisted I forced my mouth shut. _Our god._

…I couldn't unsee it. Of course not, what with me. Every time we cursed it here, every time we cried mercy, we would only be heard by Sachiko. Our voices, funneled into the pit trapped within her sadistic head, magnified in such a way that only she could hear our dying wishes. Shivers... God, she made me...

No, no. If I let this consume me now, we'd be no better off.

Focus on Yoshiki. I had to. Yoshiki, an overpowered delinquent with a massive attitude, unafraid to speak up for himself, perhaps a sorry excuse for a human being but he kept trying, and that was so much more than most anyone else I ever knew.

Pulled him away, pulling him away until we found ourselves in a corner of the hallway. One of the classroom doors that hadn't worked before beckoned open, so we locked ourselves in, backs to the door, and took a long breather.

"D-Dude, you hardly reacted." The first thing he said, hand discreetly wiping under his cheeks.

I... paused. "Y-Yeah. I did."

"Why? What the hell, man? It's _Sa_ toshi." His voice cracked with each new sentence.

"I-I don't..." I muttered, before I bit my lip and dug my hand into Yoshiki's arm.

Finally, finally, wonderfully, I couldn't breathe. The sweaty grip I had on the man beside me both disgusted and comforted me, and I could only do so much to coax my rotted soul to continue.

My head fell—I caught it with my free hand.

"You're right." My voice so low, so soft I could hardly maintain it. "You're right, it was Satoshi."

For the first time, I could cry.

Somebody in my class whom I would never see again, never be able to speak another word to. Never be able to thank him, never be able to ask him if I could call him by his first name. P-Probably not. So much as I... wanted, if it'd taken me this long to try and be _friend_ any of them, I... I doubted my chances. Not that I had much more of one, huh?

I leaned against Yoshiki, and we cried.  
And by far it was one of the most wonderful experiences I'd ever felt in my entire life.

One of us... One of us eventually pushed against the other, reminded him we still needed to get this over with, just like last time, and the time before, and the time before. I don't think I'd ever broken so hard out of the mold our god had placed for me. God, I felt... I _felt_.

We examined thoroughly the rest of the hallway, the third floor, then when it came inevitably to the moment we'd been trying to avoid, we stared straight ahead and passed Satoshi by.

It may have not even been him. It's entirely possible some poor Kisaragi student had rotted here not so long before us. Satoshi—I mean, he had such a _generic_ face...

...but that was just wishful thinking, wasn't it?  
I'd never wanted _this_ badly for someone to be alive.

God, it was wonderful. It shouldn't have been.

It hurt, too.

It hurt unbearably, it hurt like Yoshikazu had already done me in, once, twice, for each time he'd run into me thus far. It hurt as if Yoshikazu had forced his grimy, gray slab of a hand into my gut and wrenched my heart out.

And it was beautiful.

We kept moving. I doubt either of us was truly present but we somehow kept ourselves moving.

In the entrance-way of the first floor, I recognized one of the bent, bloodied bodies on the ground.

How ironic. The lifeless face tilted up towards me was none other than Shougo Taguchi's, that of the cameraman who was supposed to meet up with me earlier. No wonder he didn't.

But I caught, glinting in his stiff fingers, a cassette. Its title peeked out from under his skin: **SHOUZO INTERVIEW**.Whatever the hell that meant, what with her being dead, I knew we'd need it. Quickly I grabbed Yoshiki by his sleeve and pulled him over. We examined our predicament, then called it a good try and just yanked the stubborn black box out of Taguchi's frozen grip.

Broke off one of his fingers.

I—felt my stomach pinch, and this... sobbing laugh broke out from my lips.

"Thank you, Shougo," I said without any right to.

Then like that we toted the tape and the camera into the old custodian's closet in the back of the first floor. Situated on its musty old carpet, I waited as Yoshiki plugged in the system and shooed away my unhelpful comments.

A light sparked from the television's blank face.

I called him over. We sat; his shoulder overlapped mine. I let it happen.

Slowly, steadily upon the granulated screen, a vague impression of a person's face formed. That of a—child's, sitting on a stool in a small room, her pale hair in two little hair bands with flowers on them.

Restlessly Yoshiki and I nudged at one another, unable to voice our beating pulse into words.

A child, and, situated behind her... the father? From somewhere off screen, a scraggly voice announced the date, something something nineteen fifty-five, and it began. "This here with Shouzo Amao, the single known child to have survived any of the recent kidnappings. Apparently her father found her in... their home's basement, though she had been reported missing beforehand? How long exactly was she gone for?"

The father, his voice low and choppy, began a series of explanations to cover what had indeed occurred to his daughter. Something about checking multiple times, she simply wasn't to be found, as if _whisked off to another dimension entirely_ , only to have seen her one morning playing with her toys in the basement as if nothing out of the sort had happened.

When he spoke, his eyes _lit_ , like he knew something more than he was saying. His daughter, teetering on her little stool, wore this massive whitedress that flounced about her tiny figure, her feet crammed in nice little shiny shoes, her chubby fingers trembling in her lap.

She... resembled a younger Ayumi.

The reporter continued, unfettered by his lack of a clear resolution: "How does it feel to be the single family blessed with their missing child's return?"

Her father's mouth had opened, but Amao spoke over him in a tiny, warbling chirp: "Sachiko likes me."

Static ate into the silence.

Yoshiki and I shared a pained look.

"Sachiko likes me. She thought it was fun."

Her father's face bunched. He chose not to speak.

Now, the reporter? "Who is this... Sachiko, Amao?"

Amao's childish expression hardened into that resembling a mask of death. Unfitting for someone her age, I'd say, if I hadn't already seen it everywhere I dare glanced in this godforsaken school. "Sachiko likes me. She thought I was lots of fun. Fun, fun, fun. We played games."

"...yes, Amao?"

The video blurred, then refocused upon a young woman sharing Amao's dead-mask expression. Someone else's voice had just ended, because Amao's hardened look forced into the screen as she began. "I'm telling you the truth. A child then my age kidnapped me and tortured me for months on end. Years, maybe. And when I died, she could snap her fingers and I would return to the time months ago before it all happened."

"...You do realize how you sound, Miss Shouzo?"

"Yes." Her eyes shone into us, strangely exotic. I couldn't look away. "There are so many more children who were lost because she grew bored with them. I am _telling you_ , if you see this, keep her _interested_. Keep her watching, then _wait_. She is not all-powerful. She is not a god, but a child with a god-complex. Keep playing her games and _wait_ for her to slip."

God, my heart...

I thought it was all Yoshiki, only to lift my hand and realize I was shaking deep into my unstable core.

At some point Amao's tone too had unraveled, her gaze shifty, unfocused, her lips parted.

A reporter's voice cut in: "Miss Shouzo, who are you speaking to?"

"I don't know, but I see them." She spoke so calmly, her tone even, her gaze unwavering, that I—I simply couldn't not believe her.

N-No wonder we couldn't find Amao. She wasn't in the school at all.

She'd lived her own life outside of—

The film skittered, and a low voice took over the view of a—now in color—building that lay in ruins. "The Shinozaki estate was recently demolished after a freak accident—"

Another skip. Another clip.

"Legendary sole survivor of Heavenly Host 1973 kidnappings unable to be located, family seemingly moved across country."

"Shouzo Amao taken into custody, declared unstable. The forty-three-year old..."

"Heavenly Host Elementary's attendance rates have dropped sporadically over the years..."

"Principal Takamine Yanagihori committed suicide, only months after son found hanging in the bomb shelter beneath Host's..."

Fading, fading into white noise.

Until a face in full color broke across the screen. Blonde hair, beanie—it's Taguchi, living and breathing. My heart...

"O-Oh my god! Kibiki-sensei, we've got the scoop of the century up in here! Did you _hear_? Someone else's managed to escape this hell before! Maybe we can too! I can't believe the kiddo keeps these things just lying around for someone else to..."

We sat there in silence for a long time.

Then slowly, my arms aching, my twisted ankle rubbing against the ground at a bad angle, I—I, Morishige, Taro, Shige-nii, whoever I was, I stubbornly forced the shaking man beside me into an embrace.

…

I think we both lived through that round. It's... hard to say. Afterwards, Sachiko had found us and chased us with scissors, and I don't remember if I lasted through it.

But evidently someone had. I never found out if Yoshiki actually had seen everyone die, which, well, of course not. He was a mess. I as well.  
...Needless to say, I lost the stomach for corpse photography the next time I entered the school.

After we'd all returned home again, all of us, _truly_ all of us—unbelievable, really—I remembered the story of Amao Shouzo. Curiously I'd typed her name into the search bar and all that greeted me was an old file someone had photocopied of a typed article about the first grade paradox found after years suspected missing in the walls of her basement, her corpse rotted thoroughly.

So much as I want to believe the story I'd heard was true, I only had stumbled upon it once. I guess it's one of those... weird things that only surfaced for the unique moment it was allowed the opportunity. I-It's entirely possible Amao preceded our own situation.

I don't know.

I kind of hope she did, though. It's all her fault I've become some form of friends with that blonde bastard.

 **In my dream (if you're curious?) Amao's dad actually did find her after a few "repeats" of Sachiko havin a good time murdering her, and he stopped the next "loop" from ever occurring. But then Sachiko summoned the grim reaper (like the one from Billy and Mandy) and he killed them both?**

 **Anyways I was like that's a strange and lame way to end the story so let's do something else**

 **Originally Amao was gonna be like Mayu's grandma or something, but then I was like, nah, that's too extra  
she's already a crazy oc fever dream story as it is**

 **It was fun though. I liked writing Morishige (Taro?) as he developed as a character and STOPPED THE CORPSE SHOTS GERSH DERG.**

 **I love these characters, the story, the lore, this HECKING GAME too much. I swear I'll never be able to stop writing about them. Literally I just sat down and wrote this in two evenings. What in the world. I didn't have to research any of this either. Why do I remember it all so well?**

 **Like, this story had a lot of BoS influence specifically. How do I remember Shig's chapter 5? I don't know, I'm a mess that defies all logic I guess haha**

 **I trust you enjoyed~**


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